I haven't posted much around here, but I can relate with your problem. Most of us using software have probably hit it one time or another. All I can do is tell you what helped me. That being said here is my advice.
Understand the fundamentals that make what you are trying to do work in a real world scenario. For me it meant a lot of trial and error experimenting while at the same time studying how drums are mic'ed, recorded, mixed, and played. As well as learning from other peoples examples. This in turn helped me to produce a more natural sounding drum track from software.
For the playing part buy a pair of drums sticks, and learn to use them a little (bang em on a piece of wood, practice pad, desk, little brother, the cat, anything). You don't have to become a Dave Ghrol, Danny Carry or Neil Pert. But, just the act of learning what's happening mechanically a little bit will help you to translate that into what your seeing in your midi. Also listen to artists that are close to what you are going for, and pay attention to what's being done, and try to replicate parts of it.
Just my $0.02