Santa Claus and a Ball of Fire

[Captain Beard]

I'll skin 40 cats to prove a point.

 

[Malergion]

All right then. Nixen the Smasher. His hammer nose pursues the victim throughout a nightmarish funhouse of Freddy's own devising.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Too hellraiser.

Now, a HELLRAISER CHRISTMAS... this has flexibility.

that was totally Puppetmaster. you fail.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

I'll skin 40 cats to prove a point.

hi WILL!

 

[Malergion]

that was totally Puppetmaster. you fail.

YES! Somebody understands.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Now, a HELLRAISER CHRISTMAS... this has flexibility.

i think that would involve someone getting hung up on a christmas tree by having their hands and feet pierced on the branches... and then hanging ornaments from their skin.

 

[Captain Beard]

I punched him in the face for touching my keyboard. Fine, can he ride in on a bear with antlers then?

And be careful speaking of fail, dater of pricearm.

 

[Captain Beard]

i think that would involve someone getting hung up on a christmas tree by having their hands and feet pierced on the branches... and then hanging ornaments from their skin.

...

God damnit woman, stop giving me horror movie wood. That's a GRAND idea!

 

[Malergion]

Imagine Doug Bradley saying "DECK...THE...HAAAAALLLS!"

 

[Captain Beard]

Could HIS doggy have antlers? It could! The tree would have to be made of the bones of the suffering though. And we'd need a Jesus-wept parody at the end.

 

[Malergion]

What if it were a wooden post soaked with blood and leafed with razor sharp cast iron branches?

 

[Captain Beard]

I accept this model too. Should we have him harass carrolers too?

 

[Malergion]

His door has a lament configuration design. When they knock, it opens and they get sucked into Hell as soon as they start singing.

 

[Captain Beard]

He should sing a carol of suffering! (He probably would if this were real.)

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

OMG! all of the presents are wrapped to look like faces with hooks in them and when you go to unwrap them, the hooks just pull the flesh away!!! ... !!!

 

[Captain Beard]

...

YES! But what would be in the boxes?

 

[Malergion]

He could probably get some baritone going.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

...

YES! But what would be in the boxes?

shards of souls, beating bits of hearts, weeping brains...


see, not ALL poetry sucks, guys!

 

[Captain Beard]

I suppose Mr. Head could slip in a haunting Santa-like laugh too. As as the tale ends, he closes the book he was reading, and ends it with a one liner that I can't think up right now. Damn.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

"God skin us every one"?