should i give myself a lobotomy?

[RealmArchitect]

i have been out a while. i am not sure how long or even if anyone noticed or cared for that matter. but i felt like announcing my presence with a thread. so here i am. and since this is as pointless as it is, i will tell you a joke: Q: why did the woman shove a potato in her vagina?


A: to keep her placenta from falling out.

i know you liked that one, i can see it in your eyes.

 

[chupe666]

I noticed.

thx for the mix!


(btw: the joke- right up azal's alley. i'll try and make sure he sees it n stuff)

 

[RealmArchitect]

your very welcome.
glad you liked it.
oh, and the joke......swear to god, true story!

 

[azal]

excellent joke!

Q:what's little, red and makes a girl scream every time?

A:a stillborn.

 

[xfer]

I don't remember where I heard this one, but it has been making the rounds:

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?



















Christopher Reeve after a fire!










(i am so going to be paralyzed by this time next year)

 

[azal]

the only Christopher Reeves joke I have is completely a visual one. dammit.

 

[RealmArchitect]

Q: why did the monkey fall out of the tree?






A: it was dead.

 

[azal]

Q:Why did the dead baby fall out of the tree?



A:It was stapled to the monkey.

 

[RealmArchitect]

Q: how do you make a dead baby float?
A1: a can of rootbeer, a scoop of ice cream, and one dead baby.
A2: take your foot off its head

 

[azal]

if this turns into a dead baby joke thread...I'm warning people that it may get ugly.

 

[RealmArchitect]

fine. here:

Q: where do you find a tortoise with no legs?

A: right where you left it.

i don't think it will help though.

 

[RealmArchitect]

wow. 200 posts

 

[azal]

what did the squirrel say while riding on the back of an armadillo??










wooooohooo!!!!

 

[minxnim]

Q. what's black white and red and has trouble going thru a revolving door?






A. a nun with a spear thru her head.

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

heeeheeee!

What's red white and blue and hates sex?








The 5 year old in my trunk.

 

[The Dope]

Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and my car?





A: I don't usually sleep in my car.

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

so you probably heard about that new Pirate corn.






I guess it's gonna be a buck an ear.

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees no snow no santa claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Mohammed
And not in our holiday
and so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

Hey there mister Muslim
Merry fucking christmas
Put down that book the Koran and
Here's some holiday wishes
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
And fucking celebrate

There is no holiday season
In India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd

They never read a christmas story
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why every December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there mister Hinduist
Merry fucking christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
And fucking celebrate

Now I've heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there mister Shintoist
Merry fucking christmas
God is gonna kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum
In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So let's all rejoice for Jesus
Merry fucking christmas t'you

On christmas day
I travel 'round the world and say
Daoist's, christians, Buddists
and all you Atheists too
Merry fuckin christmassssss
To youuuuuuu

 

[azal]

What do you get when you shove a butcher knife up a baby's cunt?



An enormous hard-on.

 

[avi]

I've heard that last one different azal, but pretty much the same. I prefer the punchline as 'a boner', though.