the last guy i was "with", i wasn't even with. psycho guy i slept with who wanted abolutely nothing to do with me afterwards, not even for sex even though we were still fucking around. he left in december and i was just ridiculously self-hating, thinking, he'd be the best i'd ever get as far as physical attractiveness and just someone willing to fuck me.
then i met this new guy, friend of one of my manager's, we started off as friends and then he made it clear that he was attracted to me and now we're together. he's the absolute polar opposite of the psycho and i guess it's just now settling in my brain that there's someone who cares about me and has respect for me. i guess i am still of that ilk of women who are addicted to the guys who treat them like shit ... if psycho was still here, i'm sure i'd still be going after him. it felt like the whole "this is what i deserve, this is just my level" thing with psycho. i guess it's just a self-esteem thing ... and considering how insecure some women can be and what it drives some of them to do ... the shitty guys can become less of a choice to be with and more of the only option even if we've got better people.