Ted's Weekly News and Views

[tedvanfrehley]

Mountain Dew: Check
Skoal Longcut Straight packed tight in a huge wad in bottom lip: Check
Balls as big as churchbells: Check
ATTITUDE, Balls, baby BALLS! : CHECK!

Alright all you rowdy sons o' bitches! How the hell is everyone tonight? I hope you're feelin' as good as your old pal TED! It could be the nicotine, or it could just be that I'm feeling a bit jovial tonight, but I wanted to take a couple minutes and let you know some random thoughts that are racking my brain as of late. Sit back, relaxe, and if you ain't in the mood to laugh, cry, and shit your britches then back the f___ck up, BIIIIOTCH!

First off, I took the SWINE's advice and checked out Motley on Howard Stern last night. Here's a couple things I learned. NIKKI SIXX may have had sex with a man??? He denies it, of course, but his wife alluded to the fact that a 3some may have cost Nikki some confusion the next morning. Then, there's my boyhood friend and idol, VINCE NEIL. Am I wrong or is he still the fat fucker that did VH1 Makeover a while back??? He looks just as fat as ever and I'll bet a dime to a dollar that he's still on the sauce. And he even managed to get a couple jabs in at Tommy since he wasn't there. What a puss. Tommy would kick the shit outta Vince and use his fat Vienna Sausage fingers for drumsticks.

Secondly, here are a few songs on the lighter side that have ruled my world this week. I'll bet money that even the most hardcore death metaller can't honestly say in his heart of hearts that he doesn't hum along in private. It's ok, nobody will know!
ELTON JOHN - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
BON JOVI - Livin on a Prayer - come on! TOMMY AND GINA!
BILLY JOEL - Uptown Girl
MARVIN GAYE - Let's Get It On!
If you can't tap your toes to those then I'll kiss your ass and give ya half an hour to draw a crowd!

Michael Jackson. SON OF A BITCH! Does anybody out there actually think he's NOT guilty???? Somebody should take his fake nose off and shove it up his white ass!

WHEN THE HELL IS THE SOPRANOS GONNA BE ON AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!

Why the hell didn't hot teachers ever try to seduce US when we were in school?

Weight Loss. FUCK OFF. Eat some damn bread and enjoy yourself. Life is short, already. Geez. Face it guys and gals....skinny isn't all there is. You gotta have some personality. I say, KIRSTIE ALLEY rocks. Even fat.

Is anybody else sick of Paris Hilton yet????? And I'd rather see LIONEL hang around doing odd jobs than those two anyday. AL GREEN! Now there's a man after my heart.

My hero, Edward Van Halen will now allow you to purchase guitars from Charvel that he hand stripes himself. The guitar itself looks to me to be worth about $500 tops before he touches it. The cost after he does a number on it? $3,000?!?!? Sounds like somebody needs to fund their drinking habits to me. Divorce...drugs...etc...What's next for Ed? Bankruptcy? Or maybe he can do something really cool and hook up with Pharrell WIlliams or Usher? sigh...At least GENE SIMMONS is up front about wanting your money.

OZZY OSBOURNE box set. You buyin'? I think not. I don't want to fund Kelly's latest rehab stint or Jack's decision to become a fireman. I gave enough money to Ozzy over the years and he sells me out with a box set of the same old shit and some covers that are bound to suck more ass than a roll of beads.

STAND BY ME, the greatest piece of American cinema in the history of time, is now coming out on Deluxe edition dvd with a cd of the soundtrack. HELL YES.

When did Angelina Jolie become such a know it all? I hate when celebrities decide they are worthy enough to go on panels and change the world.

Here's a tip - CHIMPANZEES DO NOT MAKE GOOD PETS! Maybe Michael's chimp ripped HIS nose off years ago in an attempt to say, "Stay away from my ass you sick bastard!"

I think after reading MICK MARS' interview in guitar world that the only REAL rock star is LEMMY. ALL others are simply "acting" as Mick said. AND as Mick said on Stern, "Name me one rockstar who hasn't had crabs". You gotta love that man.

Greatest Album Title of ALL TIME? Shooter Jennings' new one. (Waylon's son)
"Put the O Back in C untry"

Finally, if you think paying over $2.00 a gallon for gas is tough, try finding a saddle for a squirrell!

That's it for Ted's Weekly News and Views. If you liked it, tell your friends. If you hated it, go lay down and let your piggies suck.

Love
Ted

 

[sixxswine]

Mountain Dew: Check
Skoal Longcut Straight packed tight in a huge wad in bottom lip: Check
I didn't know you chewed?! How's the old lady like that?!
Do you use those Smurf tampons or the straight stuff?!
Balls as big as churchbells: Check
ATTITUDE, Balls, baby BALLS! : CHECK!

Alright all you rowdy sons o' bitches! How the hell is everyone tonight? I hope you're feelin' as good as your old pal TED! It could be the nicotine, or it could just be that I'm feeling a bit jovial tonight, but I wanted to take a couple minutes and let you know some random thoughts that are racking my brain as of late. Sit back, relaxe, and if you ain't in the mood to laugh, cry, and shit your britches then back the f___ck up, BIIIIOTCH!

First off, I took the SWINE's advice and checked out Motley on Howard Stern last night. Here's a couple things I learned. NIKKI SIXX may have had sex with a man??? He denies it, of course, but his wife alluded to the fact that a 3some may have cost Nikki some confusion the next morning. Then, there's my boyhood friend and idol, VINCE NEIL. Am I wrong or is he still the fat fucker that did VH1 Makeover a while back??? He looks just as fat as ever and I'll bet a dime to a dollar that he's still on the sauce. And he even managed to get a couple jabs in at Tommy since he wasn't there. What a puss. Tommy would kick the shit outta Vince and use his fat Vienna Sausage fingers for drumsticks.
Vince is a bitch. Look at that motherfucker's beek! It looks like a fucking clown nose... Tommy wasn't there because he had a drum stick hit in the right eye! Yeah, they were on Regis that same day & only Tommy & Nikki showed! Nikki won't admit the sex thing, because it sounds like it was in fact a chick! Vince banged her the next night!
What a bunch of degenerates!

Secondly, here are a few songs on the lighter side that have ruled my world this week. I'll bet money that even the most hardcore death metaller can't honestly say in his heart of hearts that he doesn't hum along in private. It's ok, nobody will know!
ELTON JOHN - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
BON JOVI - Livin on a Prayer - come on! TOMMY AND GINA!
BILLY JOEL - Uptown Girl
MARVIN GAYE - Let's Get It On!
If you can't tap your toes to those then I'll kiss your ass and give ya half an hour to draw a crowd!

Michael Jackson. SON OF A BITCH! Does anybody out there actually think he's NOT guilty???? Somebody should take his fake nose off and shove it up his white ass!
I was watching an interview with Jesse Jackson, what a piece of work this guy is. He's saying how MJ can't get a fair trial because, there are no black jurors! Fuck! Has he seen that motherfucker lately?! That fucker doesn't even look human!
WHEN THE HELL IS THE SOPRANOS GONNA BE ON AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!
Don't know, don't care...
Why the hell didn't hot teachers ever try to seduce US when we were in school? I was thinking the same thing. Though did you see the pics of that one that was just arrested?! That hog is far from hot!

Weight Loss. FUCK OFF. Eat some damn bread and enjoy yourself. Life is short, already. Geez. Face it guys and gals....skinny isn't all there is. You gotta have some personality. I say, KIRSTIE ALLEY rocks. Even fat.
She's a fucking sow, but I must admit after discontinuing the only vice I had left, smoking I gained about 15 pounds that I must now rid myself from... That blows... K.A. rocks?! I think she's one big load...
Is anybody else sick of Paris Hilton yet????? And I'd rather see LIONEL hang around doing odd jobs than those two anyday. AL GREEN! Now there's a man after my heart.
I don't get why all these guys think she's hot..
She's really not...

My hero, Edward Van Halen will now allow you to purchase guitars from Charvel that he hand stripes himself. The guitar itself looks to me to be worth about $500 tops before he touches it. The cost after he does a number on it? $3,000?!?!? Sounds like somebody needs to fund their drinking habits to me. Divorce...drugs...etc...What's next for Ed? Bankruptcy? Or maybe he can do something really cool and hook up with Pharrell WIlliams or Usher? sigh...At least GENE SIMMONS is up front about wanting your money.
EVH can burn in eternal hell. Specially for making an ass out of himself at a deadman's farewell...
OZZY OSBOURNE box set. You buyin'? I think not. I don't want to fund Kelly's latest rehab stint or Jack's decision to become a fireman. I gave enough money to Ozzy over the years and he sells me out with a box set of the same old shit and some covers that are bound to suck more ass than a roll of beads.
It's shit. I'm buy Billy Idol, SFU instead!
STAND BY ME, the greatest piece of American cinema in the history of time, is now coming out on Deluxe edition dvd with a cd of the soundtrack. HELL YES.
I don't watch movies...
When did Angelina Jolie become such a know it all? I hate when celebrities decide they are worthy enough to go on panels and change the world.
I don't know, but all I need is for her to be quiet & suck...
Here's a tip - CHIMPANZEES DO NOT MAKE GOOD PETS! Maybe Michael's chimp ripped HIS nose off years ago in an attempt to say, "Stay away from my ass you sick bastard!"
They like to eat flesh like their primate cousins, the humans...
I think after reading MICK MARS' interview in guitar world that the only REAL rock star is LEMMY. ALL others are simply "acting" as Mick said. AND as Mick said on Stern, "Name me one rockstar who hasn't had crabs". You gotta love that man.
Mick is funnier now that his illness has taken it's toll...
Fucker can almost do stand up comedy...
Greatest Album Title of ALL TIME? Shooter Jennings' new one. (Waylon's son)
"Put the O Back in C untry"
I can't argue with you there...

Finally, if you think paying over $2.00 a gallon for gas is tough, try finding a saddle for a squirrell!
It's been about $2.29 around here, $2.00 is nothing! How about wrapping it in duct tape & shoving it up your intestinal tract?!
That's it for Ted's Weekly News and Views. If you liked it, tell your friends. If you hated it, go lay down and let your piggies suck.

Love
Ted

See Red!

 

[Trans-Siberian Outcast]

I'll chime in on the Stand By Me. I don't think I'd call it the greatest piece of American cinema, but I will agree it ranks very high on my list. I loved the novella, and I loved the movie. In fact, my book Divine Witness was heavily influenced by that story.

Rob Reiner rules. Him and Ron Howard are my favorite directors. No matter what genre they do, it always comes out as quality.

 

[Bryant]

Mountain Dew: Check
Skoal Longcut Straight packed tight in a huge wad in bottom lip: Check
Balls as big as churchbells: Check
ATTITUDE, Balls, baby BALLS! : CHECK!




"Secondly, here are a few songs on the lighter side that have ruled my world this week. I'll bet money that even the most hardcore death metaller can't honestly say in his heart of hearts that he doesn't hum along in private. It's ok, nobody will know!
ELTON JOHN - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
BON JOVI - Livin on a Prayer - come on! TOMMY AND GINA!
BILLY JOEL - Uptown Girl
MARVIN GAYE - Let's Get It On!
If you can't tap your toes to those then I'll kiss your ass and give ya half an hour to draw a crowd!"

I always liked Elton when I was a kid. He was a staple on rock radio.
Bon Jovi as addictive. I've never been embarrassed about liking the band. They are a fine band and they have written a lot of good songs over their long career that is still flourishing.
"Uptown Girl" is flat out goofy, but Joel had some other cool songs.
Substitute Sade for Marvin Gaye.

"Michael Jackson. SON OF A BITCH! Does anybody out there actually think he's NOT guilty???? Somebody should take his fake nose off and shove it up his white ass!"

That poor bastard needs serious help. I haven't kept up with the news enough to hear any of the statements in the trial, but it's tough to believe someone who has turned themself into a monster.

"Why the hell didn't hot teachers ever try to seduce US when we were in school?"

Speak for yourself. With one major exception, my high school teachers looked like hippos.

"Is anybody else sick of Paris Hilton yet????? "

Stupid !!! Network tv just follows each other looking for ratings wityh this fake "reality" shit. Dare to be different you numbnuts !!

"My hero, Edward Van Halen will now allow you to purchase guitars from Charvel that he hand stripes himself. The guitar itself looks to me to be worth about $500 tops before he touches it. The cost after he does a number on it? $3,000?!?!? Sounds like somebody needs to fund their drinking habits to me. Divorce...drugs...etc...What's next for Ed? Bankruptcy? Or maybe he can do something really cool and hook up with Pharrell WIlliams or Usher? sigh...At least GENE SIMMONS is up front about wanting your money."

Eddie needs to get VH back touring again. He is a musician so he should play. It is simple as that.

"OZZY OSBOURNE box set. You buyin'? I think not. I don't want to fund Kelly's latest rehab stint or Jack's decision to become a fireman. I gave enough money to Ozzy over the years and he sells me out with a box set of the same old shit and some covers that are bound to suck more ass than a roll of beads."

I'm not buying. I don't dislike Ozzy. The guy is totally shot out, but his wife is a greedy little winch. The whole deal with Bob Daisley pissed me off.


Bryant

 

[Wyvern]

Michael Jackson. SON OF A BITCH! Does anybody out there actually think he's NOT guilty???? Somebody should take his fake nose off and shove it up his white ass!

Liz Taylor.

Is anybody else sick of Paris Hilton yet?????

His dad, and me, but she seems to give great head so maybe....:Smug:

OZZY OSBOURNE box set. You buyin'? I think not.

Fuck boxsets! Fuck compilations, fuck re-masters. Metalheads are the best and most loyal fans, but whe don't grow money on trees. Keep pulling the string and it'll broke.

When did Angelina Jolie become such a know it all? I hate when celebrities decide they are worthy enough to go on panels and change the world.

She can change my panels any time :Spin:

 

[Deconstruction]

Tommy would kick the shit outta Vince and use his fat Vienna Sausage fingers for drumsticks.

That's quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever heard.

BON JOVI - Livin on a Prayer - come on! TOMMY AND GINA!

Everyone I know laughs at me for still listening to Bon Jovi. I can't help it! I was brainwashed by my Mom from birth to like them! :hotjump:

Weight Loss. FUCK OFF. Eat some damn bread and enjoy yourself. Life is short, already. Geez. Face it guys and gals....skinny isn't all there is. You gotta have some personality. I say, KIRSTIE ALLEY rocks. Even fat.

The only bad thing about fat people is they tend to wear clothes that are inappropriate for their body types. I'm so sick of walking through the mall seeing all these cows waddling around dressed like Britney Spears, with rolls of fat hanging out of shirts and pants that are about 6 sizes too small. Don't they get that there are actually clothes made in their sizes that will actually look GOOD on them, rather than make them look even fatter than they already are? I'm sorry, but being female, this sort of shit bothers me.

Is anybody else sick of Paris Hilton yet?????

I'm waiting for an assassination attempt. I've got my fingers crossed.

OZZY OSBOURNE box set. You buyin'? I think not. I don't want to fund Kelly's latest rehab stint or Jack's decision to become a fireman. I gave enough money to Ozzy over the years and he sells me out with a box set of the same old shit and some covers that are bound to suck more ass than a roll of beads.

Heh, basically. I tend to stay the hell away from boxed sets, because by and large, they all pretty much suck fat dockey cock.

Finally, if you think paying over $2.00 a gallon for gas is tough, try finding a saddle for a squirrell!

Gas just went up to $2.04/gallon here. I was about $1.85 last week. Considering this is Alaska, where the McDonald's "Dollar Menu" is actually the $1.50 Menu, I'm thankful it's not higher than it is. Time to get one of those foreign cars that get ridiculously high gas mileage, I think. My truck just sucks down WAY too much gas. (Is more than 12mpg asking too much?!!)

 

[Fred B]

I think Paris Hiltons 15 minutes was up a year ago but she keeps showing up on TV every night!! Id rather look at NIcky myself.... the spoof on her South Park did was hilarious all the girls wanted to be sluts just like Paris.

As for Angelina, ill have to defend her because....well, look at the above picture...Shes doing that stuff because when she was in Thailand she fell in love with the country and adopted her child from that country so she deserves a little slack for trying to use her celebrity to make some chanes for her kids homeland...and if thas not enough just look at the picture above again.....

As for Eddie, since he quit drinking the creative well has dried up, buy that man a drink or two and have a 4 track near by maybe we can get a great VH record out of it..Im new here but i must say you are a funny bastard ...

bring back the Diamond Dave quotes

 

[carnut]

First off, I took the SWINE's advice and checked out Motley on Howard Stern last night. Here's a couple things I learned. NIKKI SIXX may have had sex with a man??? He denies it, of course, but his wife alluded to the fact that a 3some may have cost Nikki some confusion the next morning. Then, there's my boyhood friend and idol, VINCE NEIL. Am I wrong or is he still the fat fucker that did VH1 Makeover a while back??? He looks just as fat as ever and I'll bet a dime to a dollar that he's still on the sauce. And he even managed to get a couple jabs in at Tommy since he wasn't there. What a puss. Tommy would kick the shit outta Vince and use his fat Vienna Sausage fingers for drumsticks.
Don't know what the Crue fuzz is all about...on the other hand ... I do : money !!!! well, I guess I wouldn't pass on a free Crue concert, I did like their vids in the 80's...
...

Secondly, here are a few songs on the lighter side that have ruled my world this week. I'll bet money that even the most hardcore death metaller can't honestly say in his heart of hearts that he doesn't hum along in private. It's ok, nobody will know!
ELTON JOHN - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
BON JOVI - Livin on a Prayer - come on! TOMMY AND GINA!
BILLY JOEL - Uptown Girl
MARVIN GAYE - Let's Get It On!
If you can't tap your toes to those then I'll kiss your ass and give ya half an hour to draw a crowd!
All except for the Elton John, never hummed on his lame music, sorry...

Michael Jackson. SON OF A BITCH! Does anybody out there actually think he's NOT guilty???? Somebody should take his fake nose off and shove it up his white ass!
I saw the famous intervieuw and he kept on denying he ever had plastic surgery...if he can lie about that he can lie about anything...GUILTY AS CHARGED !!

WHEN THE HELL IS THE SOPRANOS GONNA BE ON AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!
Never liked the sopranos series...trying to make maffioso interesting isn't in my lane...just give me some good old B-series like Dukes of Hazard or first series Star Trek!!

Why the hell didn't hot teachers ever try to seduce US when we were in school?
They did !! My friend and my brother ever dated their teachers.....

Weight Loss. FUCK OFF. Eat some damn bread and enjoy yourself. Life is short, already. Geez. Face it guys and gals....skinny isn't all there is. You gotta have some personality. I say, KIRSTIE ALLEY rocks. Even fat.

agreed !!!!

Is anybody else sick of Paris Hilton yet????? And I'd rather see LIONEL hang around doing odd jobs than those two anyday. AL GREEN! Now there's a man after my heart.
Nice to look at, but a complete empty head, off this world...guess momy wiped her ass when she was young, she's never seen shit !!

My hero, Edward Van Halen will now allow you to purchase guitars from Charvel that he hand stripes himself. The guitar itself looks to me to be worth about $500 tops before he touches it. The cost after he does a number on it? $3,000?!?!? Sounds like somebody needs to fund their drinking habits to me. Divorce...drugs...etc...What's next for Ed? Bankruptcy? Or maybe he can do something really cool and hook up with Pharrell WIlliams or Usher? sigh...At least GENE SIMMONS is up front about wanting your money.
Shame indeed...

OZZY OSBOURNE box set. You buyin'? I think not. I don't want to fund Kelly's latest rehab stint or Jack's decision to become a fireman. I gave enough money to Ozzy over the years and he sells me out with a box set of the same old shit and some covers that are bound to suck more ass than a roll of beads.
Well, I would buy, for the only reason I don't have a back catalog of Ozzy... I don't dislike Ozzy, he's to far in space to know, but his wive gives me shivers. If it were my kids they better protect their asses, I have a major kick for stupid kids...

STAND BY ME, the greatest piece of American cinema in the history of time, is now coming out on Deluxe edition dvd with a cd of the soundtrack. HELL YES.
Stand by Me...now I thought Paris Hilton was the greatest piece of American history ???

When did Angelina Jolie become such a know it all? I hate when celebrities decide they are worthy enough to go on panels and change the world.
If they can do any good with that, let them be....

Here's a tip - CHIMPANZEES DO NOT MAKE GOOD PETS! Maybe Michael's chimp ripped HIS nose off years ago in an attempt to say, "Stay away from my ass you sick bastard!"

It's not a chimp, it's Elvis in disguise...

I think after reading MICK MARS' interview in guitar world that the only REAL rock star is LEMMY. ALL others are simply "acting" as Mick said. AND as Mick said on Stern, "Name me one rockstar who hasn't had crabs". You gotta love that man.
yep, it's Lemmy...


Finally, if you think paying over $2.00 a gallon for gas is tough, try finding a saddle for a squirrell!
If you think that's much, try to fill up your tank in Europe, you'll need a bigger wallet !!

That's it for Ted's Weekly News and Views. If you liked it, tell your friends. If you hated it, go lay down and let your piggies suck.
Nize thread Ted !!!

Love
Ted

see colors

 

[USMC0341]

Ted's initial post which started this thread is one of the most entertaining I have EVER read in this forum. Good stuff dude, and keep it up.

I used to dip (chew) when I was in the Corps - nothing but Coppenhagen for me. And as far as weight gain - I quit smoking about 14 weeks ago when the wife got pregnant - and I gained like 15 pounds. It SUCKS and it's a real bitch to lose it again.

Or maybe I am just getting old...NOT!!!!

JB

 

[Bryant]

Fuck boxsets! Fuck compilations, fuck re-masters. Metalheads are the best and most loyal fans, but whe don't grow money on trees. Keep pulling the string and it'll broke.

I agree with everything except for some re-masters. The "Balls to the Wall" remaster sounds great. Too often remastering is so subtle, I hear little difference, but on some releases with less than ideal production, some good things can come out of it. I have always been dying for a remaster of Metal Church's "Blessing in Disguise."


Bryant

 

[Wyvern]

I agree with everything except for some re-masters. The "Balls to the Wall" remaster sounds great. Too often remastering is so subtle, I hear little difference, but on some releases with less than ideal production, some good things can come out of it. I have always been dying for a remaster of Metal Church's "Blessing in Disguise."


Bryant

Right I may have been a bit too extremist. JP remasters kick ass, and the Castle Communications IM remasters are the best made along with the BS ones. But I believe many bands are also abusing of the remaster thingie.