The 101 Rules of Black metal
- Thread starter Necromunchkin
- Start date
Will Bozarth
Everlasting Godstopper
124- Only own 'True Black Metal" CDs... Better yet, steal them from 'Non-True" BMers. Kill them.
Dead_Lioness
Godless
Lies and Perfidy
Gentleman of the Road
Maybe I'll start working on "The 101 Rules of Manowar Fandom"...of course, I don't really know that much about the band, come to think of it. How about "The (X) Rules Of Being An Iced Earth Fan"? 
Oh shit Pyrus--the Iced Earth thing?! That would be hilarious! I love them, but come on....Schaffer is a bit of a control freak.
1) You must shout "Fuck Posers!" at every opportunity.
2) You must never, ever, criticize Schaffer. He is a genious, and this is his band, he can do as he likes. Even though Barlow is his brother in law, he CAN be replaced.
3) All band members, besides Jon himself, can and will be replaced if they do not live up to Jons expectations.
4) Never, ever, call Schaffer a "control Freak".
I got more where that came from. I saw them in April and they were killer! However, Barlow seemed tense, and in doubt of his vocal performance. I believe he was afraid of Jon firing him.
1) You must shout "Fuck Posers!" at every opportunity.
2) You must never, ever, criticize Schaffer. He is a genious, and this is his band, he can do as he likes. Even though Barlow is his brother in law, he CAN be replaced.
3) All band members, besides Jon himself, can and will be replaced if they do not live up to Jons expectations.
4) Never, ever, call Schaffer a "control Freak".
I got more where that came from. I saw them in April and they were killer! However, Barlow seemed tense, and in doubt of his vocal performance. I believe he was afraid of Jon firing him.
neal
wizard in black
Lies and Perfidy
Gentleman of the Road
Kinda what I had in mind...lemme see what stereotypes and observations I can vomit out right now.
1. Jon Schaffer is God. Not just a guitar god, but God himself in all his glory.
2. If Jon ever says anything which could be construed as humble or realistic ("I'm not a guitar god"), he's just being modest. He's God, right?
3. Century Media sucks ass.
4. Matt Barlow can be fired and easily replaced at any time, including during the ending bridge to "A Question Of Heaven."
5. Larry Tarnowsky can be fired and easily replaced at any time, including during the solo of "The Path I Choose."
6. James MacDonough can be fired and easily replaced at any time, including...uh...I can't hear bass parts very well, so I dunno what's hard.
7. Richard Christy can be fired and reasily replaced at any time, including during the instrumental bridge of "Dracula."
8. It's not "riff recycling," it's "staying metal."
9. Building on that, the only person allowed to steal Jon Schaffer's ideas is Jon Schaffer; Jon is allowed to excercise that right as often as possible.
10. Blind Guardian is your second favorite band, and Hansi Kursch is Jesus.
11. Burnt Offerings was a crappy album, and you should pretend it doesn't exist like Pantera's first four albums...er, that is, ICED EARTH HAS FIVE STUDIO ALBUMS!!
12. USA!! USA!! USA!!
13. The primary purpose of a band in the music business is to make money...no, to spread their message...no, to make money! Spread their message! Make money! Spread their message!
14. Whichever of the above is true, Metallica are still traitors.
15. Gibberish that sounds vaguely like Latin is cool.
I'll be back with more.
1. Jon Schaffer is God. Not just a guitar god, but God himself in all his glory.
2. If Jon ever says anything which could be construed as humble or realistic ("I'm not a guitar god"), he's just being modest. He's God, right?
3. Century Media sucks ass.
4. Matt Barlow can be fired and easily replaced at any time, including during the ending bridge to "A Question Of Heaven."
5. Larry Tarnowsky can be fired and easily replaced at any time, including during the solo of "The Path I Choose."
6. James MacDonough can be fired and easily replaced at any time, including...uh...I can't hear bass parts very well, so I dunno what's hard.
7. Richard Christy can be fired and reasily replaced at any time, including during the instrumental bridge of "Dracula."
8. It's not "riff recycling," it's "staying metal."
9. Building on that, the only person allowed to steal Jon Schaffer's ideas is Jon Schaffer; Jon is allowed to excercise that right as often as possible.
10. Blind Guardian is your second favorite band, and Hansi Kursch is Jesus.
11. Burnt Offerings was a crappy album, and you should pretend it doesn't exist like Pantera's first four albums...er, that is, ICED EARTH HAS FIVE STUDIO ALBUMS!!
12. USA!! USA!! USA!!
13. The primary purpose of a band in the music business is to make money...no, to spread their message...no, to make money! Spread their message! Make money! Spread their message!
14. Whichever of the above is true, Metallica are still traitors.
15. Gibberish that sounds vaguely like Latin is cool.
I'll be back with more.
neal
wizard in black
I helped write this awhile back. Its gotten kinda old. I like the rules of KVLT list thats been circualting recently.
Yetti
Active Member
Chuut-Riit
Son of German Quarkness
neal
wizard in black
We're the Hate Crew, we stand and we won't fall...
We're all for none and none for all.
Fuck You! We'll fight 'til the last hit
And we sure as hell aint taking no shit! - Children of Bodom
these have to be some of the worst lyrics in history.
-neal
We're all for none and none for all.
Fuck You! We'll fight 'til the last hit
And we sure as hell aint taking no shit! - Children of Bodom
these have to be some of the worst lyrics in history.
-neal
Shadow298
UNLEASH THE GUAN
More rules for Iced Earth:
Rip as many references or quotes from the Omen movies as you can get away with per album (see Something Wicked. . . & Horror Show). Make sure that the reference comes from The Omen 3, the worst film of the series.
Peace
The Pimp NeonBlack
Rip as many references or quotes from the Omen movies as you can get away with per album (see Something Wicked. . . & Horror Show). Make sure that the reference comes from The Omen 3, the worst film of the series.
Peace
The Pimp NeonBlack
Lies and Perfidy
Gentleman of the Road
You wanna see bad lyrics? Two words - MOTLEY CRUE. Two more words - CANNIBAL CORPSE. Just bad for different reasons, I guess.
![[KOTNO]Narrot](/data/avatars/l/1/1031.jpg?1052155060){kind=avatar}
[KOTNO]Narrot
Eats and spits corpses...
it'S also not recycling songs (first three albums - days of purgatory - tribute to the gods) it's giving the fans the oppurtunity to hear the songs with improved quality (ignoring the fact that the original was the best)!
Manowar suck...so does helloween! maiden are cool and kiss and maiden and jon schaffer and black sabbath
drive harley davidson...you know the american spirit...haha
the new albums are not worse than the old ones...they are justmore hooking...
steve digorgio was the only bassist who could play the basslines of horror show....now he sucks....so does metallica...and shenia twain....
Manowar suck...so does helloween! maiden are cool and kiss and maiden and jon schaffer and black sabbath
drive harley davidson...you know the american spirit...haha
the new albums are not worse than the old ones...they are justmore hooking...
steve digorgio was the only bassist who could play the basslines of horror show....now he sucks....so does metallica...and shenia twain....
neal
wizard in black
/Z/
Always Importing
Yetti
Active Member
COB were never really known for there lyrically abilities
but i dont give a damn about your opinion so it doesnt matter
neal
wizard in black
Captain Beard
No longer active
- Sep 6, 2001
- 28,010
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Iced Earth. Hmph. Too patriotic, so I won't listen to their music, and when I did, they bored me anyway.
