this was an actual review, i shit you not

Review: "Explosivity in drums and guitar blast unites pensive waves of changing melody with the savage and primal in existence itself. Ingenious structures reflect the progression of narrative in concept developing from aesthetic of music and direction in which tonal equilibrium is found. Precarious between consonance emphasizing open melodic expansion and a dissonance which foreshadows structural directions and makes rhythm emphatic, the balance of these pieces is their drive toward uniting and dividing themes to outline concept in music and lyrics. Poetic in strength and motion through different moods to a conclusive sense of personal spirit in the world projected, this album unleashes searing riffs and thunderous precision drumming in the same realm as contemplative narrative in the romantic tradition. Destructive sense in feral rhythm satisfies the bloodlust of the hunter with a desire for honor and transcendent will distinguish this album from the noise and clarify the position of its creators toward the art of black metal."
 
Part of me is envious of the command of the English language and ability to describe the primal feelings evoked by the music, and the other part is questioning the pomposity of using a scholarly tone in reviewing music, not to mention whether he was paid by the word. :)
 
It sounds like someone took the dictionary, picked out a bunch of random imagery words, cluster fucked them together , then randomly threw some articles and conjuctions in there.
 
God dammit boy, where is this fuckn' review form!!?!?!

Inquiring drunken minds want to know. :D
 
And, more importantly, what's it reviewing?!

If it was me, I would've been content to take the spirit of that review and just say "It's a good album"...
 
Funny reading....can we jimmy our own stuff in there? A messed up Arghoslent review is cool but it sounds like everyone else is having more fun out of it somehow... :err:
 
Prozak has no ties to evilmusic any longer, sorry.

I enjoyed the ANUS-review-o-matic, and the "mock mock Him productions production" copyright. Heh.