Threat to America Today: A Note to My Fellow Americans

[lizard]

the biggest threat to Americans today isn't assfucking homos. it isn't activist judges. it is the religious right - they are trying to control life as we know it.

now, I am pretty goofy; I laugh sometimes at inappropriate things like Terri Schiavo album covers. and now and again I like to visit the really right wing fruitbat sites because they are so hilarious. and so - I found this must read book....you'll laugh til you cry, and you'll never think of non-dairy creamer the same way again. this is from Newsmax, and its scary to think they'll sell thousands of copies of this stuff to the True Believers - and make no mistake, they buy into this stuff body and soul.

Megashift
By James Rutz


"If you read one 'Christian book' this year, make it 'Megashift' by Jim Rutz."

-- Joseph Farah, founder of WorldNetDaily

The 1700-year nightmare is over.

A megashift of spiritual power into the hands of ordinary people is about to overwhelm the world and put it into vastly better shape. Prepare yourself to take part in a total makeover of Planet Earth!

You are about to discover a new world where...

• Over a billion non-Christians may become highly active Christians in the next dozen years. holy shit!!! a billion?
• A whole new form of Christianity promises to bring a far greater impact than the Protestant Reformation. wow! but what does this mean to Pope Ratzinger??
• Millions of ordinary people are doing miracles. fishes, loaves...walking on water? curing women of unstoppable menses?? woah
• God has brought hundreds of people back from the dead, mostly in the last 15 years. !!!! teh zombies! oh noe These are not near-death experiences, but real resurrections of actual corpses. nooooo Ungar!

New book tells all

"Megashift" not only documents a wide range of miracles, but also spotlights hundreds of thousands of house-church teams around the globe that are producing a new culture of responsible freedom.

In these teams, people are allowed to speak and interact. wow, freedom of speech...what a unique concept! They often form deep friendships, dump their heaviest problems, (me too, usually in the toirlet) turn into free and powerful spearheads of worldwide change, and get connected with God and man in ways that almost defy description. This is a "Megashift" away from spectator religion.

8% Growth Per Year

There is a hidden world that already has 707 million evangelical/charismatic Christians who are growing by an incredible 8% a year.

In the center of this shockwave are roughly 100 million in informal networks of committed circles who run their own show without buildings, paid pastors, or sermons. "Megashift" is a startling introduction to that surge of grass roots power and love, which is forming the culture you will soon live in.

Hardcover, 244 pages.

 

[NAD]

So I've been watching a lot of X-files on DVD lately, and that whole conspiracy thing about the Bible, Koran, Torah, and everything else coming from a space ship? That would rule.

 

[lizard]

haha these wingnuts will buy into anything.


"Be a Lover AND a Fighter"
She Said, "I Don't Want a Stud In the Gym During the Day Who's a Dud in the Bedroom at Night"
Introducing the Life, Love and Relationship Enhancing ... "Chuang Shang de Gong Fu" - China's Secret Sexual Kung Fu Love Making System - It'll Make You the Master of Any and All Bedroom Suites

Wednesday, 6:57 a.m.
Beijing, China

Dear Friend,

If you've ever felt the humiliating sting of a lover saying that your "little soldier" ain't quite up to snuff; or, if you're already a great lover who simply wants to go to a whole new level of orgasmic bliss, then hold onto your pants because this letter may be one of the most helpful pieces of information about sex and love making you will ever read.

Here's why: In "the West" - sex is usually thought of as either a dirty word or something you do to "get your rocks off." Typically, we don't think of it as a health practice that is vitally important for the functioning of the WHOLE body ...not to mention the WHOLE mind.

Most people don't view sex and love making as a way to strengthen the muscles, tendons, ligaments and organs of the body. Most don't think of it as a way to turn back the clock, lose weight, improve cardiovascular health, enhance athletic performance, become more creative, increase mental power, mysteriously attract greater success ... and so on.

Yet in China, a country with a recorded history that dates back more than 5,000 years, masters of Chuang Shang de Gong Fu understand that when you make love consciously and with a different intention, you can literally do far more than "create babies" and orgasms. You can use the emotional power of sex to help you accomplish anything and everything you want out of life.

"In China they have a saying, Ren Pang Qiu Duan -
If A Man is Too Fat, His Penis Is Very Short"
Seven years ago, when I first visited China's Hainan Island, I heard the above saying for the first time. And let me tell you, it was so right on I instantly wrote it down so I would remember it.

I'll never forget the night I heard this saying, either. A contingent of family and friends got together for dinner at a famous "hot pot" restaurant. This restaurant was on the second floor of a five-star hotel, and let me tell you, it wasn't just a meal I was having that evening. It was an adventure.

A group of four enchanting women sang and danced on stage while we ate. One of them, a tall, slender lady with long reddish hair (which is quite fashionable now in China), kept looking our way. At first I thought it was because I was filming the show. But I was wrong.

30 minutes later, when the performance concluded, the sexy red-head walked down the front of the stage. She was holding a red rose in hand and smelling it as she walked. And to my utter amazement she was heading right toward our table. Literally ... right toward ME.

I put the camcorder down when she approached. She smiled, slowly handed the rose to me, then purred, in perfect English, "I hope you enjoy your stay in Hainan."

I almost fell out of my chair.

My wife broke out laughing.

"She got you," she said. "You should have seen your face."

Not completely sure of the meaning of it all, I turned to the man sitting to my left. "I think this lady has very good gong fu," he said. "You are the the shuai-chiao world champion - but I think maybe this lady is a different kind of gong fu champion."

Little did I know at the time, that the man who said this, was telling the truth. Not only that, but I had no idea that this man, whom I refer to as Master Zhang, is himself a master of this gong fu style. No, it's not Shaolin gong fu. Nor is it white crane, long fist, plum flower or anything of the sort. The gong fu art Master Zhang referred to is called Chuang Shang de Gong Fu .

Although this "lost" art of love making comes from China, most people in this vast country don't know the first thing about it. For the most part, the only people who know it are "royalty" and high-level mistresses who work for the wealthiest businessmen in China. Amazingly, these very people are the ones in China who live the longest, look younger than their age and appear to attract success like magic.

"Master Zhang, the 55-Year Old
Chuang Shang de Gong Fu Master
Who Looks Like He's Only 35"
When I first met Master Zhang he was 48 years old. I thought he looked much younger than his years THEN - but today at 55 years of age, he still looks like he's only 35.

Shortly after meeting we became friends, and over the last seven years, he and I get together regularly to talk. In fact, we often travel together from place to place - as his cultural knowledge of China is so vast he can explain many things to me that no one else can. And Chuang Shang de Gong Fu is one of those things.

Master Zhang was first introduced to the art some 30 years ago ... by an act of "fate."

At that time the young Zhang Di Yi, was a frustrated 25-year old who didn't know the first thing about sex. Yet, one day he overheard part of a conversation about Chuang Shang de Gong Fu, and from then on his curiosity never waned. Quite often he asked himself the question, "How can I learn more about sex and love making like the so-called Chuang Shang de Gong Fu masters?"

A few weeks after beginning to think very seriously upon this question, Master Zhang was walking along the street when rain began to pour. Directly to his right a 90-year old man, was riding his bicycle. Then, all of a sudden, the old man hit a small rock with his front tire.

The old man hit the ground hard and was unable to get up on his own. The young Zhang Di Yi immediately rushed to the old man's aide and helped him up. He asked the old man where he lived and helped him to his apartment. Over time he frequently returned to the old man's home to bring him medicine and to make sure he was doing okay. Funny thing is that although the old man was 90, he recovered from the injury incredibly fast.

Even so, one day, to show his gratitude to Zhang Di Yi for "saving" his life, the old man took a major risk and gave him an ancient book that had been passed onto him by his great grandfather. He told Zhang to "study it" and if he had any questions he would help. And, as you can imagine, the old man forbid his new student to tell anyone about this book. It was not only "secret" knowledge. To the old man, it was also sacred.

"From Sexual Frustration to Master of the Bedroom"
Within a few weeks of practicing the exercises contained in the old book, Zhang Di Yi grew in strength, looked healthier and had a new found confidence. Amazingly, he started to attract girls to himself without even trying. On his next visit to the old man he asked many questions, and his teacher told him everything he could. He gave him some other exercises to do that weren't in the book, but were passed down to him by "word of mouth." All of these exercises were designed to increase his manliness or "yang qi."

One month later, the once frustrated young man was now filled with magnetism and charisma. He smiled often and laughed easily. His entire life had changed.

When China's door opened to economic growth, Master Zhang was at the forefront. While most in China traveled by foot or on a bicycle, he rode around in his own car. He traveled and lived in style. After 30 years of practice, he is living proof that becoming a master of Chuang Shang de Gong Fu can help you master everything else in your life, too. Afterall, the hardest thing to control, regulate and use properly, is sex energy. He who knows how to do this is the "captain of his ship."

'Man Who Wakes Up With Soft Penis Not in Good Health'
This might sound a bit strange, but think back to the days in which you were a young boy. Can you recall a single instance in which you woke up in the morning without an erection? Unless you were sick, it just didn't happen.

Now, perhaps you think that a "morning erection" has nothing to do with anything. But I assure you, it does. Your "morning wood" is an indicator of your hormone and testosterone levels - or what the Chinese would call "yang qi."

Put simply, if your hormone and testosterone levels have declined (and if you're getting older, I assure you they have), then you're probably waking up "soft" more often than you'd like to admit. Instead of maintaining "yang qi" - you're losing your "yang" and becoming more "yin" - or feminine. This is something that western doctors are finally discovering. Yet in China, this has been known for ages - and there is a solution.

In fact, if you frequently or regularly suffer from any of the following problems or symptoms, then "Chuang Shang de Gong Fu can help you a great deal." Each item listed below is usually due to the lack of a fulfilling and loving sex life:

1. Qian Lie Xie - beginning stage of enlarged prostate

2. Yang Wei - impotence

3. Zhu er bu jian, jian er bu jiu - trouble maintaining an erection once you have it

4. Hua tang pao - premature ejaculation

5. Yao teng - lower back pain

6. Da duzi - big stomach

7. Xinzang bing - heart disease

8. Ya yi - depression

9. Pi Bei De Yanjing - lack of sparkle in the eyes

10. Mei you xin xin - lack of self-confidence

11. Hen rongyi lei - easily tired

12. Xi guan jie - weakness in knees

13. Hen rongyi shengqi - easily angered

14. Yi jing - frequent wet dreams

15. Bu neng fang song - unable to relax

16. Hen zisi - selfishness

17. Bu jing chang xiao - inability to smile

18. Mei you you mo gan - no sense of humor

19. Mei you chang zuo gan - lack of creativity

20. Bu jian kang - lack of overall health

 

[JayKeeley]

I've even read parts of this book...

There are entire churches that have revised their sermons around these bible codes. That Korean dude I worked with asked me to read this book (he's part of some church in Houston). Dunno where he is these days, but he's out there somewhere trying to convert everyone he meets.

 

[NAD]

haha I remember buying a book on atheism when my born-again christian girlfriend was buying that Bible Code book.

her: "I can't believe you're buying that book."
me: "I can't believe you're buying THAT book."

Yeah we got along great.

 

[lizard]

Adrian, we need to develop our own fake philosophy! look at the kind of stuff these people will actually shell out money for!

"Are you suffering from what we (non) medical professionals call whiskey dick? Does a picture of Hillary Clinton stir you to such rage that you are unable to service your woman the way she likes to be sexed? Does the sight of dark people make you feel inferior about the size of your little soldier? fear not! the ancient Welsh art of Llap Goch can help!!

I'll make you a MASTER of LLAP-Goch.

... the Secret Welsh ART of SELF DEFENCE that requires NO INTELLIGENCE, STRENGTH or PHYSICAL courage

The FANTASTIC SECRETS of the SECRET world-famous method of SELF DEFENCE, kept secret for centuries because of their DEADLY POWER to MAIM, KILL, SMASH, BATTER, FRACTURE, CRUSH, DISMEMBER, CRACK, DISEMBOWEL, CRIPPLE, SNAP and HARM are now revealed to YOU in the English Language by a LLAPGOCH master AT HIS OWN RISK, PROVIDED you promise to MAIM, CRUSH, DISEMBOWEL and so on ONLY in SELF DEFENCE.

WHY 'At his own risk'?
BECAUSE if his fellow masters of LLAPGOCH DISCOVER his IDENTITY, they will PUNISH HIM SEVERELY for revealing the DEADLY secrets he had promised to keep SECRET, without giving them a piece of the ACTION, and also BECAUSE of the TERRIBLE risk of PUNISHMENT he runs under the Trades Description Act.

WHAT is LLAP-GOCH?
IT is THE most DEADLY form OF SECRET self-DEFENCE that HAS ever been widely advertised and available to EVERYONE.

WHY ALL the CAPITALS?
Because THE most likely kind OF person TO answer THIS sort OF advertisement HAS less trouble under-STANDING words if they ARE written in BIG letters.

WHAT is LLAP-GOCH again?
It is an ANCIENT Welsh ART based on a BRILLIANTLY simple l-D-E-A, which is a SECRET. The best form of DEFENCE is ATTACK (Clausewitz) and the most VlTAL element of ATTACK is SURPRISE (Oscar HAMMERstein). Therefore . . . the BEST way to protect yourself AGAINST any ASSAILANT is to ATTACK him before he attacks YOU . . . Or BETTER... BEFORE the THOUGHT of doing so has EVEN OCCURRED TO HIM!!! SO YOU MAY BE ABLE TO RENDER YOUR ASSAILANT UNCONSCIOUS BEFORE he is EVEN aware of your very existence!

Banish Inadequacy
No longer need you feel WEAK, helpless, INDECISIVE, NOT fascinating and ASHAMED of your genital dimensions. No more need you be out-manoeuvred in political debate!! GOOD BYE HUMILIATION, Wisecracking bullies, Karate experts, boxing champions, sarcastic vicars, traffic wardens; entire panzer divisions will melt to pulp as you master every situation without INADEQUACY. PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES. You will no longer look pitiful and spotty to your GIRL FRIENDS when you leave some unsuspecting passer-by looking like four tins of cat-food! They will admire your MASTERY and DECISIVENESS and LACK OF INADEQUACY and will almost certainly let you put your HAND inside their BLOUSE of sheer ADMIRATION. And after seeing more of your expert disabling they'll almost go to bed with you, although obviously we can't ABSOLUTELY guarantee this, still it's extremely likely and would make learning LLAP-GOCH really worthwhile although legally we can't PROMISE anything.

Why WELSH Art?
LLAP-GOCH was developed in Wales because for the average Welshman, the best prospects of achieving a reasonable standard of living lie with the acquisition of the most efficient techniques of armed robbery.

HOW do I learn? No, you mean 'How do You Learn'. I know already.

HOW do You Learn?
You receive ABSOLUTELY FREE your own special personal LLAP-GOCH Picture Book with hundreds of PHOTOGRAPHS and just a very few plain, clear and simple, easy to understand words.

Only a FOUR-SECOND WORK-OUT Each Day!
and you will be ready to HARM people
DEVELOP UP TO 38 BICEPS
GROW UP TO 12" TALLER
LOSE UP TO 40" OF FAT IN YOUR FIRST WORK-OUT!
PROLONG YOUR LIFE BY UP TO 1,000 YEARS
GO TO BED WITH UP TO ANY LUDICROUS NUMBER OF GIRLS YOU CARE TO THINK OF PROVIDING YOU REALIZE THIS STATEMENT IS QUITE MEANINGLESS AS THE PHRASE 'UP TO' CLEARLY INCLUDES THE NUMBER'NOUGHT'
_____

What Does it Cost? This, like LLAP-GOCH, is a SECRET but you will find out sooner or later, don't worry.
_____

MAIL DARING HAIR-RAISING MONEY-SAVING HALF-PRICE NO-RISK FREE-TRIAL COUPON NOW
O.K. Honourable Master. I accept your daring, hair-raising, mind-boggling, blood-curdling, no-risk, half price, free trial offer to reveal the secrets of LLAP.GOCH in a plain wrapper at once. Yes Master, I never again want to be 'Weak In The Knees' and 'Chicken Out' and 'Wet My Pants' when insulted and attacked.
I agree never to abuse the principles of LLAP-GOCH or consult a lawyer.
I am over 4.
I have an extra Y chromosome.
Bill me later. I understand that if I am not completely satisfied I have been had.
NAME ___________ AGE _____ ADDRESS ________________
CITY _________ STATE _____________________ ZIP ______
(My signature) ________________________________________

 

[JayKeeley]

Hehe, when I told him I was about to read The Da Vinci Code, his eyes popped out his head. "HERESY!!!". Still haven't read the bastard though.

I get that old people are religous and caught up in their ways, but it's always weird to see 20 year olds like that. I mean, they must just get forced into it by their parents right? When the elections were on, you see all these young kids rooting for Bush, supporting anti-gay marriage etc. I just figured it was another generation that thought like that, not this generation.

 

[NAD]

@lizard, haha that rocks.

I get that old people are religous and caught up in their ways, but it's always weird to see 20 year olds like that. I mean, they must just get forced into it by their parents right?

This particular broad was raised in a reborner household, but what drove me nuts was the fact that her parents had a crazy drug infested youth and then later turned to religion. This bint had always been a reborner, and I was thought "but you never got to have any fun in your life!" Last I heard she was getting married and teaching at some christian school in Hawai'i, but still self-repressed as ever. Drove me nuts because she was smart, funny, and had a great ass, but then turned into a 62 year old straight shootin' republican anytime she caught a whiff of sex drugs or rock n' roll. Oh well, case of rum, case of rum. :Spin:

 

[NAD]

Dude what the crap is this crap about?!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050429/ap_en_mu/people_nelson

AUSTIN, Texas - Singer Willie Nelson's name is off the road again.

A state legislator had proposed naming a 49-mile stretch of Texas Highway 130 being built around Austin in Nelson's honor.

But two Republican senators, Steve Odgen of Bryan and Jeff Wentworth of San Antonio, said they didn't want Nelson's name on the road that crosses their districts, citing the musician's fondness for drinking and smoking, and active campaigning for Democratic candidates.

"It's frustrating, and sad in a way, but at this point, there is no reason to make this an unpleasant experience for anyone, especially Willie, so I'll take no further action on the bill," Sen. Gonzalo Barrientos, an Austin Democrat and the bill's author, said Wednesday.

Barrientos said he wanted to honor Nelson, "who has been responsible for so much good music and so many good works."

OH NOES A MUSICIAN DRINX AND SMOX HIDE TEH CHILDRUN!!!!!!!1111111 Weak.

 

[J.]

hahaha, I haven't heard about that one. THough it reminds about a situation a few years ago where stupid gook slant-eyed Japs in the Houston area through a hissy fit over a street called Jap Road. Get this, it was named IN HONOR for a famous Japanese rice farmer a long time ago. People back then called the guy "Jap" and he didn't care, and they named a street after him. But now, these fucking slopes get offended by a fucking street named after a somebody they never knew. Fuckoff nowadays Houstonian motherfucking little-dicked slopes fucking Jap gooks.

 

[J.]

• A whole new form of Christianity

THis is the problem right here. Fucking people trying to change the meaning of CHristianity to attract more people. Fuckoff. There is no "new form".


ATTN Religious RIght: THE FUCKING BIBLE AND CHRISTIANITY ARE NOT, AND WERE NEVER SUPPOSE TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT!


Jesus was essentially a rebel, a hippie. He was against the rule of the time, and he was not politically correct. Nowadays we have idiots like Bush and Co, all these poser congressman like Tom Delay and shit who feel the need to change the meanings to fit their agenda.


This is why I don't attend church. Fucking full of hypocrites who get their fix for an hour a week, and then it's over.

 

[KILL TULLY]

THRASSSHH 'TILLL DEAAAATHHHHHHHHH