Time to quit my band

jeid

Terribad
Mar 9, 2009
1,966
4
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Scotland
TL;DR - our singer has turned into a dick, mainly due to his girlfriend. I'm quitting.

It's been coming for a long time, pretty much since we made our last EP.

Basically down to our singer/bass player and his girlfriend... well, fiancee.

Anyway, we started as a 3 piece, played all around Scotland a couple of times. Got on really well, all hung out and had a laugh. We were always bouncing ideas off of each other. We spurred each other on.

Our singer started going out with this girl and he magically changed. We saw him less and less, he'd never come out drinking or anything with us... even when he said "Yeah, I'm just getting changed, be up soon" he'd never show up. He'd always say that his girlfriend wasn't happy or they'd had an argument. Even when he/they did turn up, they were strapped to each other.

Everything seems to be a struggle with him. We were planning on releasing our EP to download a week before it came out with some bonus stuff on it. I worked my ass off getting it written/recorded, he hardly showed any interest at all. Me and our drummer wrote all of the lyrics for it, I wrote all of his bass lines. We wrote the melody... everything. When it actually came to recording the bass, he played it, listened back once, put his bass in his case and left. He didn't even stay to chill out or have a laugh or anything. When we came to vocal recording, I had to basically beg him to come over to do them. He said he was ill, but managed to put in his best vocal performance ever I reckon.

He always has to take his girlfriend to out of town gigs, which is inconvenient and means we don't really travel as a band, so he misses out on any involvement as he's in his car with her.

We played a festival this year, we had free tickets. Plan was to put all of the gear in my van and everyone else go in a car. He ended up inviting the girlfriend before asking us if that was cool. He took his own car, so that was fine. But she made such a song and dance about going. When the day did come round, she didn't seem to be enjoying it. I actually wanted to stay for the weekend, but due to all of my friends being there (we filled up all the free spaces since he was taking his girlfriend) and I needed to attend to my dog, I had to come home. They then all ended up coming home anyway. That grinded my gears.

He spoke to my drummer about her not so long ago and my drummer told him that we hardly see him anymore and we miss hanging out with him n stuff. I even told him that in quite a soppy way, it's true. I really do miss him and hanging out with him and I hate that when we do see him, she is attached to him.

We were supposed to be playing a gig not so long ago, there was a big crowd, we were main support. He tried to get out of the gig 3 times, 1st it was no petrol... we had money in the kitty that he could've had, plus, he didn't need to drive. He couldn't get the time off... but he could, his boss was just being a tool and he needed to stand up to him. Then the morning of the gig he was ill. We'd all taken time off work and he bailed on us. He was ill, but it looked very suspicious with all of the other excuses that week.

He's now living with this girl. I don't like her. I unfriended her on facebook as a result. She was clearly not happy about this and confronted me about it on Saturday. I told her I thought she was a dick. If she'd confronted me when she was sober, I'd have given a more detailed response instead of the "you're a dick part" but... meh. Our drummer has told our singer on several occasions that he thinks she's a dick, so it's nothing new.

At the end of the day, I don't enjoy playing in a band with him anymore. It's a struggle, he stands on his phone texting her at every opportunity.

They got engaged on Saturday night and he text the rest of the band to tell them, I've still not heard from him. That kinda hurt, but I did call his girlfriend a dick, so fair play.

I don't wanna play with him anymore... I'm sure the feeling is somewhat mutual. I've already spoken to my drummer about it and he thinks we'll just call it quits. I've just gotta tell everyone.

That was a rant, I reckon I probably look like more of a bell end, but there's more back story than I'm letting on.

I just wanted to get that off of my chest. Been driving around all day thinking about this. Part of me wants to do some sort of final show/recording or something, but I don't think I can stand being in his/her presence just now.

It's a shame, I really like the guy too... :(
 
It's a tragic December on the Sneap forum. :p

If it's any consolation just think how he'll regret it at whatever stage along the line when he realises he's spent the last X years being pussywhipped.
 
That's the thing man, we've tried telling him so many times. We've tried the harsh method, then I remembered how much of a sap he is, so we tried pulling on the old heart strings... neither worked.

He said he'd try and see us more, but never made the effort. If he doesn't make the effort, then I don't see the point.

I'm more pissed off because he's probably the best rock singer around here.
 
Yeh, don't quit the band... kick the vocalist out...

-P
 
I live in a town with a population of about 10,000 people, there are very few people... in fact, none that I can think of, that can or could sing to that standard. And then we'd need to find a bass player which would make the band a 5 piece, I'm not really keen on that.

My drummer plays in a cover band and ever since then, he's hardly been bothered either.

The guy that is playing guitar for us just now is a phenomenal drummer and his brother is an incredibly good bass player. Both of them are metal heads. I'd love to get into something with then, but I think I'd like to take a wee break from playing as well. Relax and then re-assess.

I'm just not sure how to go about telling everyone that it's over. They won't continue without me, not that I've got a big ego, but I write all the music, my drummer helps me structure it and he writes most of the lyrics. He's very much of the opinion that if I'm not in, he's not in.
 
Well.. I tell you...

He's now living with this girl. I don't like her. I unfriended her on facebook as a result. She was clearly not happy about this and confronted me about it on Saturday. I told her I thought she was a dick. If she'd confronted me when she was sober, I'd have given a more detailed response instead of the "you're a dick part" but... meh. Our drummer has told our singer on several occasions that he thinks she's a dick, so it's nothing new.

You've got more balls than most musicians I've come across!! Massive amount of respect for telling someone who is a dick that they are in fact... a dick.

Most musicians just let shit die without the real reasons coming out.
 
In all honesty, I've never been one to shy away from the truth. If someone is a dick, there's a chance they don't know about it... maybe someone should tell them.

I'm a dick, but I realise it, so I try to be a better dick.
 
Girls + bands = shit. But my current band have a girl for singer, which is the girlfriend of the guitarist and it is the greatest band I've ever been in, more than playing great music (imo :D) we are amazing friends so...
 
dude that sucks so much ass. If someone was doing this in my band; he's out. I'm the only one in my band aloud to be a dick skipping rehearsals cause my wife wants me to cook up a three course meal. I just love to be a band leader.
 
Girls + bands = shit. But my current band have a girl for singer, which is the girlfriend of the guitarist and it is the greatest band I've ever been in, more than playing great music (imo :D) we are amazing friends so...

Wait until the drummer inevitably fucks the singer... fireworks! :D

dude that sucks so much ass. If someone was doing this in my band; he's out. I'm the only one in my band aloud to be a dick skipping rehearsals cause my wife wants me to cook up a three course meal. I just love to be a band leader.

Haha, I'm also the only person allowed to be a dick. Plus, you have a baby Ola, best reason ever to miss a rehearsal!

I'm chatting to my drummer about it via e-mail just now. I'm actually a lot more gutted than I had first thought.

Maybe it's time to write some laptop metal? :devil:
 
friendship should be the by product of a band making awesome music, not the other way around. It sounds harsh, but that's life.

I've wasted at least 10 years playing in bands with friends, somehow I did all the work and they didn't practice enough, contribute, and sell there equipment when they decide they want to be unemplyed and move back with their parents.

The concept of being in a band attracts lazy glory hungry fuckwitz, the concept of creating good music for the sake of the art attracts..... well artists.

I wish I had a band full of my best friends, but my current band is filled with session players (and i was one of them to begin with) and one songwriter. We're all friends, but if someone has to go they have to go, you gotta be tough about it. I also have a one man band, that way I don't have to put up with any of that shit. It's all about the music and the only person to blame is yourself if things aren't happening.

Sorry to hear about your situation though. I sound harsh but that's how it is I belive.