today I had to hold a moustached dog that shit three times

[xfer]

at my parents in CT, my little cousin brought his goddamn schnauser over which yapped endlessly for four hours. he handed me the leash and then disappeared. it wound around my legs while i stood there in horror and it pooped THREE SEPARATE TIMES over five minutes in my parents' nice clean grass which i was walking around in barefooted.

and it has a BIG WET MOUSTACHE FACE

 

[xfer]

also i went to church this morning and my mom flipped out because i (not consciously) had worn my "guns don't kill people, people with moustaches kill people" shirt and she started listing all the old polish dudes with moustaches who go to our church. i tried to tell her it could be read as a feminist statement but she wasn't having it!

 

[xfer]

guns don't shit on your feet--dogs with moustaches shit on your feet