what makes a good metal video?

-no warehouse-setting
-no fisheye-shots
-no Hot Topic-clothing
-no photoshop-shit
-no story for story's sake
-no desperately trying to look evil

Well, most metal videos suck anyway.
 
In my own personal opinion, a videoclip is good when it makes coexist in itself the Art of music and the Art of images with coherence; a coherence with song's lyrics and sound, realized with subjects and images chosen with care and perfectionism.
 
Nothing and no one does. Good metal music videos do not exist.

EDIT: Aside from Candlemass' Bewitched and those Master's Hammer videos and things along that line.
 
If there's some women that were hot in the 80s bending over in underwear, shot with a soft focus. Oh and random helicopters flying by and people pushing crates on casters across a stage.
 
Watch Immolation's Glorious Epoch. Metal music video done right. Simple, yet dark and fitting.
 
I actually think that warehouse setting videos are one of the only reliable ways to make a reasonably non-shitty metal video. And by "non-shitty" I basically mean that my face doesn't turn red when I watch it. I mean, at least I don't get embarrassed when I watch Metallica's video for "One." When metal bands try to do something beyond this, it usually ends up being really, really fucking corny. Like, I'll watch a metal video and think "Well, I had ok/cool things in my head when I just heard your music, but then you went and ruined it for me with your video and your retarded aesthetic sensibility. Good job, faggot." It seems that most of the bands I like don't even bother with videos anyway, though. So, not much of an issue for me I guess.

Metal bands should stick to riffcraft. And anyway, in my own little universe, the music video is a largely irrelevant footnote in the history of music.
 
Attempts to have plots, especially plots unrelated to the lyrics, nearly always fail.

Behemoth probably have the best videos of any metal band. They're an exception to this and all other music video rules. Whatever you may say about their music, the video for At The Left Hand of God is fucking rad.

But as a general rule, the least-shitty videos typically feature the band playing the song in an interesting environment. Faux-live videos and warehouse videos are typically pretty boring - they don't detract from the song, but they add nothing. The style of the shooting should also fit the mood of the song; a fast energetic song should involve the band running around, fairly quick cuts, crazy angles, etc. A slower one should have longer takes and a more restrained performance.
Since the "band playing the song" thing has been done so many times, the quality of the video really depends on the quality of the camera work.

That said, videos almost never add anything to the song. The only videos I can think of that actually make the song better are Behemoth's, and even then only a bit. Bands almost never have the funding to realize their vision, especially since in metal said visions tend to be quite grandiose.
 
Whatever you may say about their music, the video for At The Left Hand of God is fucking rad.

Well, I just watched this video and I was ready to totally hate it but I didn't totally hate it. It's ok, but there are some things about it that I hate. Like that bald guy at the beginning licking that apple and making "scary" faces. Not scary or anything like that, just corny as fuck. And Nergal looks like a cheeseball as usual. As a rule, metal bands sound cooler than they look. I don't know, the video is tolerable overall I guess, but the "scary" faces and "intense" shots and angles, and the special effects that look dated two seconds after you see them: that's pretty much what I don't like about metal videos. But props to them for trying. They clearly had enough of a budget and a good enough aesthetic sensibility to make some parts of it effective. Well, it's better than any Dimmu Borgir video I've seen.

Fuck, did I just spend all that time remarking on a Behemoth video? I need a life.
 
Immolation is indeed magnificent to watch. The lighting in that video is brilliant and adds soooooooo much to the dark, foreboding feeling. Another video I enjoy is Meshuggah's Bleed. Lots of twitching to go with the weird rhythm chugging, strobe lights, dying cockroaches. It's cheesy, sure, but it's also scary as hell and trippin' balls.
 
Well, I just watched this video and I was ready to totally hate it but I didn't totally hate it. It's ok, but there are some things about it that I hate. Like that bald guy at the beginning licking that apple and making "scary" faces. Not scary or anything like that, just corny as fuck. And Nergal looks like a cheeseball as usual. As a rule, metal bands sound cooler than they look. I don't know, the video is tolerable overall I guess, but the "scary" faces and "intense" shots and angles, and the special effects that look dated two seconds after you see them: that's pretty much what I don't like about metal videos. But props to them for trying. They clearly had enough of a budget and a good enough aesthetic sensibility to make some parts of it effective. Well, it's better than any Dimmu Borgir video I've seen.

Fuck, did I just spend all that time remarking on a Behemoth video? I need a life.

Happens to the best of us.