"So help me disappear
Oh, to believe in a change
No way out of here
That I can see
All the nightmares that burn
Through my head at night
Make them disappear
So I can breathe
Look out the window twice
Just to be sure
That no one is standing outside the door
But it's just as cold as it was before"
That's "Help Me Disappear" from the rare Tonight's Music single.
Those are my favorite lyrics, it was like the theme to my life last summer - self-exiled in my deadhouse, addicted to meth, in a constant state of panic. The artificial light source was even creeping with flies. I know what it's like to wish to be able to breathe, you could say I was 'slightly shocked'. And I was afraid of people coming to my house in the middle of the night and would keep looking out the front window panicking. These kids came to my house once and after I refused to buy them alcohol they egged my house later that night. I was always scared of them, I didn't even know who they were. I needed to get away so bad, 'what is worth being here?', I would sing, 'I pray so often for a change.' So I eventually left in an ambulance screaming about the end of the world and was brought up on drug charges. I later disappeared for several months at my parents ranch, using it as rehab. All my friends thought I was dead. 'The problem was you kept me here too long'. I didn't even say goodbyes. Knowing so well what is wrong IS a language hard to speak. I didn't mind being gone.
I used to be a successful underground metal journalist with my own web'zine - The Hellacron (
www.hellacron.com), the most killer metal site ever! Hell, I even used to get tons of 'fan' mail. The site got censored so it got shut down. (And you should have every damn right to call Chris Barnes a 'dirty my pals'). I had no control over it's demise. This is the first time I've written ANYTHING in months. But I'm a bipolar manic-depressive with ADHD, so I've got plenty to write about.
Here's another favorite lyric - "Sulfur" from the Teargas EP
"I'm drawing back time
To feel things once again
As when I had found them
I saw you grow older
I saw myself grow older too
But not as much as you
If I only knew
I had sulfur in my heart
But not enough strength to give it a spark
I didn't know when to start
When we were bright or when we were dark
I had a wind in my chest
Blew as hard as it ever could
I could have written books for you
If I only knew."
And "March 4" from same single
"Left with spring alone
Winter was gone
I live so differently
It wasn't good enough."
-'Evil' Vince, Ex-Hellacron writer
Best non-Katatonia lyrics ever -
"Life long friend, cut off his head!" - Cannibal Corpse, "Grotesque"
"I don't want to hurt you, I just want to kill you!" - CC, "An Experiment in Homicide"