Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
It's true. He IM'ed me the other day asking for your screenname because some asshole was trolling him in one of the metal threads.
A.I.M.
- Thread starter Pessimism
- Start date
Valerie
¯\(ã)/¯
- Aug 29, 2005
- 6,765
- 4
- 38
skeptik
Member
- Feb 7, 2003
- 24,413
- 71
- 48
It actually was fairly random. I'm not entirely sure who that was...acquaintance of an acquaintance or something like that. In fairness, though, that was MSN and not AIM, so it's actually off-topic.
I think that was about 3 years ago, maybe 4. The best parts are where he admits to things though.
I have some snippets of things in my AIM profile, so most people I regularly talk to have seen them, but I might as well post some of the better ones. I used to keep track of all of the funny stuff that was said, but I've almost entirely forgotten to do so for the past 2 years.
Skjebnevette: If a guy
Skjebnevette: whom you did not know
Skjebnevette: masturbated and ejaculated on your face
Skjebnevette: when you were sleeping
Skjebnevette: and you woke up
Skjebnevette: what would you do?
THINK jose: wtf man
THINK jose: :-\
THINK jose: I WOULD KILL HIM
THINK jose: AND CUT HIT PENIS OFF WITH A KNIFE
Skjebnevette: what if he just started whipping you in the face with his cock?
Skjebnevette: like, pretty hard
THINK jose: i would have already killed him
THINK jose: you spend time thinking of this shit
THINK jose: ?:|
Skjebnevette: I mean if he was beating you in the face with his cock in place of ejaculating on your face
THINK jose: i would also kill him
THINK jose: :-\
THINK jose: that wouldnt happen
Skjebnevette: would you find it funny
Skjebnevette: if
THINK jose: no
THINK jose: :-\
Skjebnevette: you were having a sleepover with one of your buddies
THINK jose: no
Skjebnevette: and some guy did that to your buddy?
THINK jose: :-\
THINK jose: lol yes
THINK jose: imma go see if amboy mall has the new ali g cd
THINK jose: i dont think they do
THINK jose: :-\
Skjebnevette: don't go to amboy mall
Skjebnevette: that's a piece of shit
THINK jose: i dont have a ride to woodbridge
THINK jose: :|
Skjebnevette: I don't know how anyone can bring themselves to even go in there
THINK jose: lolz
Skjebnevette: it's fucking embarassing
THINK jose: :-D
THINK jose: cheers dear
Skjebnevette: I can open up a better mall in my fucking house with shit I already own
Skjebnevette: THINKjose (13)
THINK jose: DAMN
THINK jose: i look at it daily
THINK jose: to make sure you dont disenfranchise
THINK jose: my character
THINK jose: :|
Skjebnevette: damn, when I was on the shitter I got to thinking about how fucked up it is that mankind will probably never know how the universe was ALWAYS there
Skjebnevette: or if it WASN'T always there, how the fuck did it get there, and what was before it?
Skjebnevette: NOTHING?
Skjebnevette: bullshit I say
Skjebnevette: how the fuck do you get a universe out of nothing?
Skjebnevette: Fuck that
Skjebnevette: It's so fucking irrational for there to be anything at all AND nothing
Skjebnevette: wtf
Skjebnevette: This is why I hate taking a shit
THINK jose: im going now good sir take care :|
THINK jose signed off at 3:03:48 PM.
Skjebnevette: mkay
Skjebnevette: you're not gone wtf
Skjebnevette: you can't trick me
Skjebnevette: you son of a bitch
THINK jose: lol:|
THINK jose: im leaving now
THINK jose: :|
Skjebnevette: yeah we'll see
THINK jose:
THINK jose: my mom is STILL here holy shit im STARVING
Skjebnevette: smack her damnit
Skjebnevette: take initiative you fucking pussy
THINK jose: you're a bad influence on me
THINK jose: :|
Skjebnevette: I know : |
Skjebnevette: fvxcc,m,m,m,mmxcmnxcfnmxcfjxcfm.,
THINK jose: :|
Skjebnevette: THAT WAS ME PUNCHING MY KEYBOARD
Skjebnevette: LOL
THINK jose: seek help fast
THiNK jose: i love to suck a dick
Skjebnevette: I hate you
Sin Serenity: I know
Skjebnevette: you do?
Skjebnevette: how?
Sin Serenity: your mom told me
Sin Serenity: last night
Sin Serenity: :-(
Skjebnevette: whatever were you doing with my mom last night?=-O
Sin Serenity: that's between us. ;-)
Skjebnevette: you know, that's pretty ironic
Skjebnevette: because that's the same thing your mom told me to tell you if you asked me why I was fucking her brains out
Skjebnevette: SHIT
Skjebnevette: I said it anyway
Skjebnevette: she's gonna be mad
Sin Serenity: lmfao
THiNK jose: 15 year olds are hot
THiNK jose: that is an ideal age
THiNK jose: im not totally straight
Rou Kawaige: don't put words in my mouth
Skjebnevette: how do you know the name of my dick?
Roe Kawaige: you told me that last time you put it in my mouth
Skjebnevette: I challenge you to a duel
PhasmaViva: ok
Skjebnevette: I win
PhasmaViva: no
Skjebnevette: I obviously won
PhasmaViva: how
Skjebnevette: apparantly you're not familiar with the rules of this particular duel
PhasmaViva: ?
Skjebnevette: the rules clearly state that in order to win the duel, one must outlast his or her opponent in saying 'ok.'
PhasmaViva: stated where?
Skjebnevette: in the rules
PhasmaViva: k
PhasmaViva: your rules suck
PhasmaViva: and I
PhasmaViva: am taking a nap
Skjebnevette: because you hate me
Skjebnevette: don't be mad just because you lost the duel
PhasmaViva: no
PhasmaViva: bc tired
Skjebnevette: I think you hate me
Skjebnevette: and that's wrong
Skjebnevette: I bet you don't even care that I have a tumor
AznKiser: you don't have a tumor
Skjebnevette: in my leg
AznKiser: hahaha
AznKiser: that's funny
Skjebnevette: no it's not
AznKiser: you don't have a fucking tumor
Skjebnevette: yes I do
AznKiser: prove it
Skjebnevette: you can't see it
AznKiser: prove it.
Skjebnevette: fuck off
Skjebnevette: I'm already mad at you for laughing
Skjebnevette: let alone not believing me
AznKiser: -_-
AznKiser: i hate not knowing your tone of voice
AznKiser: because you could be serious
AznKiser: but right now i'm laughing at you
Skjebnevette: I hate not knowing how much longer I have to live
Skjebnevette: because it could be serious
Skjebnevette: but right now I'm scared shitless
Skjebnevette: your cause/effect rationale sucks
AznKiser: because I'm female
AznKiser: I can't help it
Skjebnevette: good point
AznKiser: yes it is
Skjebnevette: I was accosted by the Charismatic Outreach Fellowship
Bloodhawk 4 Life: wtf does that mean
Skjebnevette: born again black people
Skjebnevette: I have to go to events for one of my classes, so I got a ticket to go to this comedy show sponsored by the Black Student Union. It wasn't for like 4 hours after my classes though, and I had a really bad headache, so I was just resting in the student center waiting for the show. But then these black people came and were like we're having a bible study here and they made me join and I had to sing songs and pretend to pray and act like I was Christian and listen to this guy and his wife's bullshit for like an hour.
Bloodhawk 4 Life: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Bloodhawk 4 Life: i wish you could hear me laugh righ tnow
Bloodhawk 4 Life: LMFAO
Bloodhawk 4 Life: !!!!
Bloodhawk 4 Life: haha
Bloodhawk 4 Life: oh man
Bloodhawk 4 Life: that's one for the books
Bloodhawk 4 Life: that's classic
Skjebnevette: tell your fucking mother that you're gay damnit
BakingPumpkin: >_>
BakingPumpkin: I don't want to
Skjebnevette: do it
Skjebnevette: right now
BakingPumpkin: she probably knows anyway
Skjebnevette: LOL I guess you act like a fag then
BakingPumpkin: I don't act like a fag
BakingPumpkin: I act like me
Skjebnevette: a fag
BakingPumpkin: >_>
Skjebnevette: you act like you
Skjebnevette: and
Skjebnevette: you're a fag
Skjebnevette: causation's a bitch motherfucker
BakingPumpkin: >_>
Skjebnevette: oh man that one's going in my profile
Skjebnevette: 4 rizzle
Skjebnevette: look at my wee: www.showyourweewee.com/index/November05/pic0537.html/
Bloodhawk 4 Life: NO
Skjebnevette: lmao I just made up shit
Skjebnevette: I doubt that's even a real website
Bloodhawk 4 Life: LMFAO
Bloodhawk 4 Life: its not
Skjebnevette: LMAO you checked?
Bloodhawk 4 Life: yes :-(
Skjebnevette: pwnt
Bloodhawk 4 Life: *sigh*
Bloodhawk 4 Life: yeah, you got me
Bloodhawk 4 Life: that's quoteworthy son
Bloodhawk 4 Life: wow
Skjebnevette: yeah man seriously
Bloodhawk 4 Life: oh shit
Skjebnevette: I think it was a nice accidental touch where I originally said 'wee' instead of 'wee wee'
Bloodhawk 4 Life: yeah
Bloodhawk 4 Life: damn man
Bloodhawk 4 Life: tha's classic
Bloodhawk 4 Life: one for the books
Bloodhawk 4 Life: for sure
Skjebnevette: wouldn't it suck if you needed a face transplant but your body wouldn't accept the face
Skjebnevette: LOL
Skjebnevette: that would fucking suck
Skjebnevette: France is to Europe as China is to _______ .
A. Hong Kong
B. Mongolia
C. Italy
D. Japan
E. Africa
F. Asia
ArderaSiempre: :|
ArderaSiempre: wtf
ArderaSiempre: f
Skjebnevette: no
ArderaSiempre: =/
ArderaSiempre: =\
Skjebnevette: try again
ArderaSiempre: ugh
ArderaSiempre: What else would it be
Skjebnevette: you have to pay really close attention
Skjebnevette: there's a trick
ArderaSiempre: Damnit I hate these
ArderaSiempre: I'm tired I just worked an 8 hour shift
Skjebnevette: o rly
Skjebnevette: It's not THAT hard
ArderaSiempre: c
Skjebnevette: There's just a little subtlety that you're missing
Skjebnevette: nope
Skjebnevette: not c either
ArderaSiempre: DAMNIT
Skjebnevette: This is one of those where once you get it you feel really stupid for not getting it before...
ArderaSiempre: d
Skjebnevette: nope
ArderaSiempre: God damnit France is a part of Europe. China is a part of Asia =(
ArderaSiempre: What else is France to Europe...
Skjebnevette: That's true.
ArderaSiempre: It's the bagget capitol :O
Skjebnevette: :O
Skjebnevette: so
ArderaSiempre: LJKEHGILHAKLJHGF
Skjebnevette: I'm gonna sig this btw
ArderaSiempre: why
ArderaSiempre: Tell me the answer plz
Skjebnevette: F. Asia
ArderaSiempre: I said f.
ArderaSiempre: That was my first choice
Skjebnevette: not F. Asia
Skjebnevette: See the subtlety?
ArderaSiempre: wtf
ArderaSiempre: That's so lame
ArderaSiempre: That's not even funny
ArderaSiempre: That's just........... anal
Skjebnevette: It will be to all of my friends
Skjebnevette:
ArderaSiempre: what friends
Skjebnevette: my friends
ArderaSiempre: you don't have any friends
Skjebnevette: Don't be bitter just because I trolled you out of your tits.
ArderaSiempre:
ArderaSiempre: Swedish omg
Skjebnevette: not interested
ArderaSiempre: Too bad, it's hilarious.
Skjebnevette: your bangs are hilarious
Skjebnevette: lol
Skjebnevette: I forgot I said that
Skjebnevette: and then
Skjebnevette: I read it again
Skjebnevette: and I was like lol
Skjebnevette: lol
Skjebnevette: did you know
Skjebnevette: that
Skjebnevette: Barack Obama
Skjebnevette: opposes gay marriage
ArderaSiempre: That's Iraq's leader right?
ArderaSiempre: I'm not surprised...
Skjebnevette: :|
Skjebnevette: you're an idiot
Skjebnevette: LMAO
ArderaSiempre: wtf
ArderaSiempre: =(
Skjebnevette: I should put that in my profile too
Skjebnevette: L
Skjebnevette: M
Skjebnevette: A
Skjebnevette: F
Skjebnevette: O
Skjebnevette: I'm dying
ArderaSiempre: oh wait
ArderaSiempre: I know who is is =(((((((((99
ArderaSiempre: It's a senator
ArderaSiempre: Iwant to die!!!!!!!
Last edited by a moderator:
Matt
Active Member
I've been in some funny msn conversations. But I don't care enough to save them. I have an AIM account but can't be bothered to use it.
cookiecutter
Proceed to Ultraslamming
Matt
Active Member
Ender Rises
Wass sappening?
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
"This is why I hate taking a shit."
I remember when I first read that in your profile like 2 years ago, I fucking died of laughter. Twice.
Valerie
¯\(ã)/¯
- Aug 29, 2005
- 6,765
- 4
- 38
Skjebnevette: I loveji foyuo I really realy dou di don't t think i haacn be without oyu any lngaer
Skjebnevette: ooooooooooohiim y thifucing godami WHTAAAAASSSSSTEDDDDDDD
Skjebnevette: hoai
Skjebnevette: whoaaji
Skjebnevette: woh
Skjebnevette: w
Skjebnevette: wow
Skjebnevette: astweteswasetd
Skjebnevette: waseted
Skjebnevette: Varelrie m wil you amoraay me
LadySway1985: wat
Skjebnevette: naarye em
Skjebnevette: me
Skjebnevette: maray
Skjebnevette: MAARRRy me
Skjebnevette: Me
Skjebnevette: .
Skjebnevette: lol
LadySway1985: stop pretending to be drunk
Skjebnevette: no
Skjebnevette: nig
Skjebnevette: ger
Skjebnevette: kjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
Skjebnevette: hjj
Skjebnevette: answer me bitch
Skjebnevette signed off at 11:35:42 PM.
Skjebnevette: ooooooooooohiim y thifucing godami WHTAAAAASSSSSTEDDDDDDD
Skjebnevette: hoai
Skjebnevette: whoaaji
Skjebnevette: woh
Skjebnevette: w
Skjebnevette: wow
Skjebnevette: astweteswasetd
Skjebnevette: waseted
Skjebnevette: Varelrie m wil you amoraay me
LadySway1985: wat
Skjebnevette: naarye em
Skjebnevette: me
Skjebnevette: maray
Skjebnevette: MAARRRy me
Skjebnevette: Me
Skjebnevette: .
Skjebnevette: lol
LadySway1985: stop pretending to be drunk
Skjebnevette: no
Skjebnevette: nig
Skjebnevette: ger
Skjebnevette: kjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
Skjebnevette: hjj
Skjebnevette: answer me bitch
Skjebnevette signed off at 11:35:42 PM.
Nikki
Member
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
General Zaroff
Registered Lunatic
Hubster
...
Oldie, but still classic:
> Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
> Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
> Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
> Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
> Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
> Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
> Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
> Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes
> butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
> Sarah19fca: you like that?
> Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
> Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
> Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
> Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
> Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
> Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
> Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I
> throw rocks at the cats.
> Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
> Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
> Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
> Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
> Sarah19fca: /ignore
> Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
> Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
>
> ---------------
>
> Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
> DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
> DirtyKate:Who are you?
> Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
> Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my
> Geo
> Storm.
> DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
> Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and
> make
> an order
> DirtyKate: Haha! OK
> DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with
> sauce.
> Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's,
> how
> may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would
> make
> your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
> DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
> Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
> DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
> DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home
> alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
> Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then
> I'll
> drive to your house.
> **pause**
> DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
> Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
> Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
> **pause**
> DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
> Bloodninja: How did you know?
> Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower.
> So
> I
> let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee
> table.
> Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza
> oven
> DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold.
> Warm me up baby
> Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
> DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
> Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip
> my
> pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in
> ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is
> deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the
> bathroom,
> I exit through the front door....
> DirtyKate:What the f**k?
> DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
> DirtyKate:F**k
>
> ------------------
>
> Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
> MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
> Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
> MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
> Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
> Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
> (pause)
> MommyMelissa: is that it?
> Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
> Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
> MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING
> vegetables...
> Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
> (pause)
> Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach...
> Sexily.
> Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
> MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more
> along
> the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
> Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
> Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
> MommyMelissa: ...
> Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides
> turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
> MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
> Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your
> olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
> MommyMelissa: whatever.
>
> -------
>
> Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
> BritneySpears14: Aight.
> Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
> BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
> Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
> BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
> Bloodninja: Me too baby.
> BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
> Bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful
> woman.
> BritneySpears14: Hey...
> Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of
> the
> Infinite.
> BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
> Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
> BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is
> ridiculous.
> Bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of
> the
> lands.
> Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body
> explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
> BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
> Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield
> inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
> Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's
> evil
> army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my
> accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
> Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
> Bloodninja: Baby?
>
> ----------------
>
> Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep
> it
> ready for you.
> j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
> Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
> j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
> Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in
> my
> breeding territory.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
> j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
> Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
> j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the
> game.
> Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your
> ***.
> j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
> Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
> charge your ***.
> Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned
> feet.
> j_gurli3: thats it.
> Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some
> phallic
> symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls
> collide
> and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended
> in
> the air on my mighty horn.
> Bloodninja: **** am I hard now.
>
> -------------
>
> BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
> eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
> BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
> eminemBNJA:huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
> BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
> BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your
> muscular
> physique.
> eminemBNJA:Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
> BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
> eminemBNJA:
> BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report
> your
> ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
> eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or
> something
>
> ---------------------------
>
> sweet17: Hi
> Bloodninja: hello
> Bloodninja: who is this?
> sweet17: just a someone?
> Bloodninja: A someone I know?
> sweet17: nope
> Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
> sweet17: well sorrrrrry
> sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
> Bloodninja: why?
> sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
> Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
> sweet17: yes?
> Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
> sweet17: paranoid?
> Bloodninja: yes
> sweet17: of what?
> sweet17: me?
> Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
> sweet17: LOL
> Bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
> Bloodninja: This **** is serious!
> sweet17: What are you hiding from?
> Bloodninja: The cops.
> sweet17: gimme a ******* break
> Bloodninja: I'm serious.
> sweet17: I don't get it
> Bloodninja: The cops are after me.
> sweet17: For what?
> Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
> sweet17: For???
> Bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
> Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
> Bloodninja: Hello?
> sweet17: You are ******* sick.
> Bloodninja: Send me your picture.
> sweet17: why?
> Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
> sweet17: One of what?
> Bloodninja: The cops.
> sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
> Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
> sweet17: hold on
> Bloodninja: Hurry up.
> Bloodninja: Are you there?
> Bloodninja: **** you, cop!
> sweet17: Hey sorry
> sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
> Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
> Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
> Bloodninja: Weren't you!?
> sweet17: thats not it
> Bloodninja: Then what?
> sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
> Bloodninja: Most cops aren't
> sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
> Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
> sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
> Bloodninja: Just send it through here.
> sweet17: alright *PIC*
> sweet17: Did you get it?
> Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
> sweet17: That was me back in may
> sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
> Bloodninja: I hope so
> sweet17: what?!?
> sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
> Bloodninja: Did it?
> sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
> Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
> sweet17: yes
> Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
> sweet17: kks
> Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
> sweet17: this isn't you.
> Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
> sweet17: You don't look like that.
> Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
> sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
> Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake
> Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
> sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
> Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
> Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
> sweet17: Go **** yourself
> Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
> Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
> sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
> sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
> sweet17: you hurt me.
> Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
> sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
> Bloodninja: Why would I do that?
> sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
> Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
> sweet17: **** YOU!!!
> Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
> sweet17: You're a ******* *******!
> sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
> sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
> Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
> sweet17: No you aren't
> Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
> Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
> sweet17: I'm done with you
> Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
> sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
> Bloodninja: Wait a sec
> Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
> Bloodninja: Wanna start over?
> sweet17: No
> Bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
> sweet17: You'll what?
> Bloodninja: You heard me.
> Bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
> sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my
> picture
> Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
> sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
> Bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
> Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
> sweet17: Like what?
> Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
> sweet17: I don't know
> Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
> sweet17: I'm afraid to
> Bloodninja: Why?
> sweet17: cause
> Bloodninja: cause why?
> sweet17: well lets see
> sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you
> wanna
> eat me out
> sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
> Bloodninja: Nope
> sweet17: well its strange to me
> Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
> sweet17: I didn't say that
> Bloodninja: So is that a yes?
> sweet17: I guess so.
> Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
> Bloodninja: Are you willing?
> sweet17: What do you need me to do?
> Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
> sweet17: ???
> Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
> ok?
> Bloodninja: Hello?
> sweet17: You can't be serious
> Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
> Bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
> sweet17: this is retarded
> Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
> sweet17: Yes I want it.
> Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
> sweet17: sure
> Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
> Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your
> thighs.
> Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up
> against them
> Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
> Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
> sweet17: mmmm yeah
> Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
> sweet17: Har
> Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
> Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
> sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
> Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with
> every
> stroke.
> Bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my
> mouth.
> Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to
> my
> nose.
> Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
> sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
> Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
> Bloodninja: going limp
> sweet17: HARRRRRRR
> Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
> Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
> Bloodninja: going limp
> sweet17: this is stupid
> Bloodninja: ...still limp
> Bloodninja: Do it!
> sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
> Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
> Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
> Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
> sweet17: WTF?!?!?
> Bloodninja: They stink really bad.
> sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
> Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
> Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
> Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
> sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
> Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
> Bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
> Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
> sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
> Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the
> cabin...
> Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
> Bloodninja: ...going limp again.
> Bloodninja: Hello?
> Bloodninja: Say it!
> Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
>
> ------------------
>
> Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
>
> Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels.
> I
> work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are
> 36-24-36.
> What do you look like?
>
> Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a
> pair
> of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a
> T-shirt
> with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
>
> Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
>
> Wellhung: OK
>
> Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the
> stereo
> and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your
> eyes,
> smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle
> your huge, swelling bulge.
>
> Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
>
> Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
>
> Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides
> off
> my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
>
> Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
> hole
> in your blouse.I'm sorry.
>
> Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
>
> Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
>
> Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft
> breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
>
> Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck.
> Do
> you have any scissors?
>
> Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back
> undoing
> the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My
> nipples are erect for you.
>
> Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
> the
> clasp.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
> tongue
> all over me.
>
> Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
> breasts.
> They're neat!
>
> Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
> your
> ear.
>
> Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
> phlegm.
>
> Sweetheart: What?
>
> Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
> my
> blouse.
>
> Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a
> plop.
>
> Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard
> tool.
>
> Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
>
> Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
>
> Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in
> and
> out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
>
> Sweetheart: What's the matter?
>
> Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
>
> Sweetheart: Are you OK?
>
> Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
>
> Sweetheart: Can I help?
>
> Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
> through
> the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
>
> Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
>
> Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
>
> Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
>
> Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
>
> Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
> cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm
> lost. Where's the bedroom?
>
> Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
>
> Wellhung: I found it.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
> badly.
>
> Wellhung: Me too.
>
> Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
> bodies
> pressing each other.
>
> Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
>
> Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
>
> Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
> glasses
> on the night table.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
>
> Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
> and
> toward the bathroom.
>
> Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
>
> Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the
> toilet. I lift the lid.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
>
> Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but
> I
> can't find it. Uh-oh!
>
> Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
>
> Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
> Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
> way.
>
> Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
>
> Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
> your...you
> know...woman's thing.
>
> Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
>
> Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your
> neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it
> another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
>
> Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
>
> Sweetheart: What?
>
> Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on
> my
> face.
>
> Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
> floppy.
> I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
>
> Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on
> my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
>
> Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.
> I'm
> feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture
> frames
> and your candles.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
>
> Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of
> our
> candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at
> it,
> a
> shocked look on my face.
>
> Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
>
> Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
> Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
> Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
> Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
> Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
> Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
> Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
> Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
> Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes
> butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
> Sarah19fca: you like that?
> Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
> Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
> Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
> Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
> Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
> Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
> Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I
> throw rocks at the cats.
> Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
> Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
> Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
> Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
> Sarah19fca: /ignore
> Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
> Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
>
> ---------------
>
> Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
> DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
> DirtyKate:Who are you?
> Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
> Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my
> Geo
> Storm.
> DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
> Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and
> make
> an order
> DirtyKate: Haha! OK
> DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with
> sauce.
> Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's,
> how
> may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would
> make
> your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
> DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
> Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
> DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
> DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home
> alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
> Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then
> I'll
> drive to your house.
> **pause**
> DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
> Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
> Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
> **pause**
> DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
> Bloodninja: How did you know?
> Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower.
> So
> I
> let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee
> table.
> Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza
> oven
> DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold.
> Warm me up baby
> Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
> DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
> Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip
> my
> pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in
> ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is
> deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the
> bathroom,
> I exit through the front door....
> DirtyKate:What the f**k?
> DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
> DirtyKate:F**k
>
> ------------------
>
> Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
> MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
> Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
> MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
> Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
> Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
> (pause)
> MommyMelissa: is that it?
> Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
> Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
> MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING
> vegetables...
> Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
> (pause)
> Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach...
> Sexily.
> Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
> MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more
> along
> the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
> Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
> Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
> MommyMelissa: ...
> Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides
> turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
> MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
> Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your
> olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
> MommyMelissa: whatever.
>
> -------
>
> Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
> BritneySpears14: Aight.
> Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
> BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
> Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
> BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
> Bloodninja: Me too baby.
> BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
> Bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful
> woman.
> BritneySpears14: Hey...
> Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of
> the
> Infinite.
> BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
> Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
> BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is
> ridiculous.
> Bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of
> the
> lands.
> Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body
> explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
> BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
> Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield
> inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
> Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's
> evil
> army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my
> accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
> Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
> Bloodninja: Baby?
>
> ----------------
>
> Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep
> it
> ready for you.
> j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
> Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
> j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
> Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in
> my
> breeding territory.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
> j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
> Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
> j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the
> game.
> Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your
> ***.
> j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
> Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
> charge your ***.
> Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned
> feet.
> j_gurli3: thats it.
> Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some
> phallic
> symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls
> collide
> and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended
> in
> the air on my mighty horn.
> Bloodninja: **** am I hard now.
>
> -------------
>
> BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
> eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
> BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
> eminemBNJA:huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
> BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
> BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your
> muscular
> physique.
> eminemBNJA:Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
> BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
> eminemBNJA:
> BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report
> your
> ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
> eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or
> something
>
> ---------------------------
>
> sweet17: Hi
> Bloodninja: hello
> Bloodninja: who is this?
> sweet17: just a someone?
> Bloodninja: A someone I know?
> sweet17: nope
> Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
> sweet17: well sorrrrrry
> sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
> Bloodninja: why?
> sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
> Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
> sweet17: yes?
> Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
> sweet17: paranoid?
> Bloodninja: yes
> sweet17: of what?
> sweet17: me?
> Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
> sweet17: LOL
> Bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
> Bloodninja: This **** is serious!
> sweet17: What are you hiding from?
> Bloodninja: The cops.
> sweet17: gimme a ******* break
> Bloodninja: I'm serious.
> sweet17: I don't get it
> Bloodninja: The cops are after me.
> sweet17: For what?
> Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
> sweet17: For???
> Bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
> Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
> Bloodninja: Hello?
> sweet17: You are ******* sick.
> Bloodninja: Send me your picture.
> sweet17: why?
> Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
> sweet17: One of what?
> Bloodninja: The cops.
> sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
> Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
> sweet17: hold on
> Bloodninja: Hurry up.
> Bloodninja: Are you there?
> Bloodninja: **** you, cop!
> sweet17: Hey sorry
> sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
> Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
> Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
> Bloodninja: Weren't you!?
> sweet17: thats not it
> Bloodninja: Then what?
> sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
> Bloodninja: Most cops aren't
> sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
> Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
> sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
> Bloodninja: Just send it through here.
> sweet17: alright *PIC*
> sweet17: Did you get it?
> Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
> sweet17: That was me back in may
> sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
> Bloodninja: I hope so
> sweet17: what?!?
> sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
> Bloodninja: Did it?
> sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
> Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
> sweet17: yes
> Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
> sweet17: kks
> Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
> sweet17: this isn't you.
> Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
> sweet17: You don't look like that.
> Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
> sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
> Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake
> Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
> sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
> Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
> Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
> sweet17: Go **** yourself
> Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
> Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
> sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
> sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
> sweet17: you hurt me.
> Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
> sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
> Bloodninja: Why would I do that?
> sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
> Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
> sweet17: **** YOU!!!
> Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
> sweet17: You're a ******* *******!
> sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
> sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
> Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
> sweet17: No you aren't
> Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
> Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
> sweet17: I'm done with you
> Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
> sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
> Bloodninja: Wait a sec
> Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
> Bloodninja: Wanna start over?
> sweet17: No
> Bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
> sweet17: You'll what?
> Bloodninja: You heard me.
> Bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
> sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my
> picture
> Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
> sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
> Bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
> Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
> sweet17: Like what?
> Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
> sweet17: I don't know
> Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
> sweet17: I'm afraid to
> Bloodninja: Why?
> sweet17: cause
> Bloodninja: cause why?
> sweet17: well lets see
> sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you
> wanna
> eat me out
> sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
> Bloodninja: Nope
> sweet17: well its strange to me
> Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
> sweet17: I didn't say that
> Bloodninja: So is that a yes?
> sweet17: I guess so.
> Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
> Bloodninja: Are you willing?
> sweet17: What do you need me to do?
> Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
> sweet17: ???
> Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
> ok?
> Bloodninja: Hello?
> sweet17: You can't be serious
> Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
> Bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
> sweet17: this is retarded
> Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
> sweet17: Yes I want it.
> Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
> sweet17: sure
> Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
> Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your
> thighs.
> Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up
> against them
> Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
> Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
> sweet17: mmmm yeah
> Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
> sweet17: Har
> Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
> Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
> sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
> Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with
> every
> stroke.
> Bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my
> mouth.
> Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to
> my
> nose.
> Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
> sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
> Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
> Bloodninja: going limp
> sweet17: HARRRRRRR
> Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
> Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
> Bloodninja: going limp
> sweet17: this is stupid
> Bloodninja: ...still limp
> Bloodninja: Do it!
> sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
> Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
> Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
> Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
> sweet17: WTF?!?!?
> Bloodninja: They stink really bad.
> sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
> Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
> Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
> Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
> sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
> Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
> Bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
> Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
> sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
> Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the
> cabin...
> Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
> Bloodninja: ...going limp again.
> Bloodninja: Hello?
> Bloodninja: Say it!
> Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
>
> ------------------
>
> Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
>
> Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels.
> I
> work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are
> 36-24-36.
> What do you look like?
>
> Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a
> pair
> of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a
> T-shirt
> with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
>
> Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
>
> Wellhung: OK
>
> Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the
> stereo
> and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your
> eyes,
> smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle
> your huge, swelling bulge.
>
> Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
>
> Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
>
> Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides
> off
> my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
>
> Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
> hole
> in your blouse.I'm sorry.
>
> Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
>
> Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
>
> Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft
> breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
>
> Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck.
> Do
> you have any scissors?
>
> Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back
> undoing
> the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My
> nipples are erect for you.
>
> Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
> the
> clasp.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
> tongue
> all over me.
>
> Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
> breasts.
> They're neat!
>
> Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
> your
> ear.
>
> Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
> phlegm.
>
> Sweetheart: What?
>
> Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
> my
> blouse.
>
> Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a
> plop.
>
> Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard
> tool.
>
> Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
>
> Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
>
> Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in
> and
> out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
>
> Sweetheart: What's the matter?
>
> Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
>
> Sweetheart: Are you OK?
>
> Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
>
> Sweetheart: Can I help?
>
> Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
> through
> the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
>
> Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
>
> Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
>
> Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
>
> Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
>
> Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the
> cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm
> lost. Where's the bedroom?
>
> Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
>
> Wellhung: I found it.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
> badly.
>
> Wellhung: Me too.
>
> Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
> bodies
> pressing each other.
>
> Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
>
> Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
>
> Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
> glasses
> on the night table.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
>
> Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
> and
> toward the bathroom.
>
> Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
>
> Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the
> toilet. I lift the lid.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
>
> Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but
> I
> can't find it. Uh-oh!
>
> Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
>
> Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
> Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
> way.
>
> Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
>
> Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
> your...you
> know...woman's thing.
>
> Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
>
> Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your
> neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it
> another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
>
> Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
>
> Sweetheart: What?
>
> Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on
> my
> face.
>
> Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
> floppy.
> I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
>
> Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on
> my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
>
> Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.
> I'm
> feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture
> frames
> and your candles.
>
> Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
>
> Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of
> our
> candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at
> it,
> a
> shocked look on my face.
>
> Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
>
> Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Nikki
Member
False Joe
Who cares.
Nec, you're a fucking legend.
Yo gonna get raped.
It's like that Panaroma advert.
CC: What music do you like?
Zeph: Metal.
CC: OMG ME TOO. LETS MEET UP.
Yo gonna get raped.
It's like that Panaroma advert.
CC: What music do you like?
Zeph: Metal.
CC: OMG ME TOO. LETS MEET UP.
W: you'm should play star wars galaxies
J: if it requires $, nah
W: the trial
W: 14 days
J: you should rub my feet
W: no
W: you should cut them off and choke on them
J: ok
J: this sounds more promising than star wars galaxies
later
W: have you choked on your feet yet?
J: twice (i have two)
W: you obviously havent
W: by typing
J: FEET NOT HANDS
W: YOUR BRAIN NEEDS AIR TO USE YOUR HANDS
W: DUMBASS
J: HAVE YOU EVER CHOKED ON CANDY OR CEREAL BEFORE
J: YOU CAN LIVE
J: JESUS CHRIST
J: I JUST HAVE THIS AWFUL HOBBLE
W: YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE FAILED AT UNDERSTANDING DIRECTIONS
W: CHOKE: DIE
J: "you should cut them off and choke on them" NO MENTION OF DYING
W: HENCE: DUMBASS
J: I'VE SEEN TOASTERS COME WITH BETTER INSTRUCTIONS
W: AND WORSE ONES FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU
W: WHO ARE TOO DUMB
J: DO YOU READ PAMPHLETS ON HOW TO OPEN BANANAS
J: BANANAS ARE SHAPED FOR THE HUMAN HAND THEREFORE GOD EXISTS
W: SO IS TEH PENIS
W: THEREFORE GOD EXISTS
W: WIND YOUR BODYYY, WIGGLE YOUR BELLLY
W: WHY NOT GO UP
W: WHY NOT GO DOWN
W: BOOMSHACKALACK
W: *SENDS FILE*
W: OH, I FORGOT THE MIDDLE IS STATICY
W: OH WELL
J: IM GOING TO CRY
W: HEY
W: YOU KNOW WHAT
W: FEET AREN'T CEREAL
W: SO YOU CAN'T COMPARE CHOKING ON CEREAL TO CHOKIN ON FEET
J: THAT MIGHT BE, BUT QUESTION MARKS SHOULD BE LARGER WHEN CAPS IS ON
W: I AGREE
J: if it requires $, nah
W: the trial
W: 14 days
J: you should rub my feet
W: no
W: you should cut them off and choke on them
J: ok
J: this sounds more promising than star wars galaxies
later
W: have you choked on your feet yet?
J: twice (i have two)
W: you obviously havent
W: by typing
J: FEET NOT HANDS
W: YOUR BRAIN NEEDS AIR TO USE YOUR HANDS
W: DUMBASS
J: HAVE YOU EVER CHOKED ON CANDY OR CEREAL BEFORE
J: YOU CAN LIVE
J: JESUS CHRIST
J: I JUST HAVE THIS AWFUL HOBBLE
W: YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE FAILED AT UNDERSTANDING DIRECTIONS
W: CHOKE: DIE
J: "you should cut them off and choke on them" NO MENTION OF DYING
W: HENCE: DUMBASS
J: I'VE SEEN TOASTERS COME WITH BETTER INSTRUCTIONS
W: AND WORSE ONES FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU
W: WHO ARE TOO DUMB
J: DO YOU READ PAMPHLETS ON HOW TO OPEN BANANAS
J: BANANAS ARE SHAPED FOR THE HUMAN HAND THEREFORE GOD EXISTS
W: SO IS TEH PENIS
W: THEREFORE GOD EXISTS
W: WIND YOUR BODYYY, WIGGLE YOUR BELLLY
W: WHY NOT GO UP
W: WHY NOT GO DOWN
W: BOOMSHACKALACK
W: *SENDS FILE*
W: OH, I FORGOT THE MIDDLE IS STATICY
W: OH WELL
J: IM GOING TO CRY
W: HEY
W: YOU KNOW WHAT
W: FEET AREN'T CEREAL
W: SO YOU CAN'T COMPARE CHOKING ON CEREAL TO CHOKIN ON FEET
J: THAT MIGHT BE, BUT QUESTION MARKS SHOULD BE LARGER WHEN CAPS IS ON
W: I AGREE
cookiecutter
Proceed to Ultraslamming
We knew each other before either of us got into metal. We went to the same school
