a problem

[Jiggaman]

Ok, first of all, I've been lurking on these boards a while, and I'd like to say that Opeth rule, and this board is great to read for killing time in between my classes. Anyway, on to my question...

I've been dating this girl for about 2 weeks. She told me before we started going out that she had been anorexic in the past, but that she was getting better. However, last weekend, her dad had to have emergency quadruple bypass surgery. He's out of the hospital now and recovering fine as far as I know, but since she's been back she's been depressed, moody, and in her words "not feeling social" (ie. she hasnt wanted to see me). She also has to take medication for migraines, and has recently been put on stronger medicine, since she was admitted to the emergency room a day or two after we started dating when she passed out in her dorm room.

A few days ago, she mentioned that she couldn't eat because she was still adjusting to her new medicine, and couldn't stomach food. Then, after she was home, she said that she couldnt eat because her dad was in the hospital, and she was under too much stress. Now she tells me that she is back to not eating, and says "it's all about control" and that she "can't stop". She claims to have no problem with it, that it is a part of who she is, and that if I'm not ok with it, then that's my problem.

I don't know what to do. I like her a lot, and I know she's very worried about her dad right now, but this is not something I can just ignore. Anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks
--JUK

 

[Lina]

Welcome.

:s

In situations like this, I've gotten the impression tough love is best, since she's obviously not ready or willing to get help on her own. But I don't know whether it's feasible for you to quasi-kidnap her and get her into some sort of treatment program. Could you get in touch with her mom?

 

[S4R]

It's not a 'problem' for her because she's obviously well rounded in externalizing the cause of her anorexia. I'd have to agree that you intervene with some tough love, if she continues to solely look outside for causes she's going to get more and more comfortable with her anorexia.

 

[IanDork107]

Give her a protein smoothie.

 

[Jiggaman]

In situations like this, I've gotten the impression tough love is best, since she's obviously not ready or willing to get help on her own. But I don't know whether it's feasible for you to quasi-kidnap her and get her into some sort of treatment program. Could you get in touch with her mom?

I've thought of this too. But there are two problems with it that I see. First, I really have no way of getting in touch with her mom except through her. And second, as long as she sees no problem with what she is doing, no one can help her. I guess all I can really do is hope.

Thanks for the advice though guys, I appreciate it.

 

[Pancakes]

Originally posted by IanDork107
Give her a protein smoothie.

...

 

[Gleemonex]

I´d advice you to get some reading done on anorexia, it should be found easily enough on the internet.
Anorexia is often said to work in a similar way to alcoholism.
And as with everything else, you can´t force her to "get better", she has to will it herself.
But you can try to assist her. Try to find something called Al-Anon in your hometown/area. It's like AA, but, it's not for the "patient" himself/herself. It's for the people that care about the "patient" and are around him/her. And you cannot become a "co" person, ...i think it's called "co-active", i.e. you can´t make her feel like it's all right to be anorexic, and you can't allow her to make the disease "use" you.. erm, i suck at explaining all this in english.. but as i said, you should a) try to read about it. read lots. b) try to find Al-Anon.