AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUNNAY

[lizard]

Glued to toilet, man sues Home Depot

Thursday, November 3, 2005; Posted: 6:41 a.m. EST (11:41 GMT)

DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- Home Depot is defending a lawsuit filed by a man who claims one of the chain's stores ignored his cries for help after he fell victim to a prank and was glued to a toilet seat.


Bob Dougherty, 57, of nearby Nederland, said he became stuck to a bathroom toilet seat last year after somebody smeared glue on it.
"They left me there, going through all that stress," Dougherty told The Daily Camera, of Boulder. "They just let me rot."

His lawsuit, filed Friday, said Dougherty was recovering from heart bypass surgery at the time and thought he was having a heart attack. A store employee who heard him calling for help informed the head clerk via radio, but the head clerk "believed it to be a hoax," the lawsuit said.

Home Depot spokeswoman Kathryn Gallagher said she could not comment on pending litigation.

According to the lawsuit, store officials called for an ambulance after about 15 minutes. Paramedics unbolted the toilet seat.

Dougherty, "frightened and humiliated," passed out as he was being wheeled out of the store, court papers said.

The lawsuit said the toilet seat separated from his skin, leaving abrasions.

"This is not Home Depot's fault," Dougherty said. "But I am blaming them for letting me hang in there and just ignoring me."
Copyright 2005 The Associated Press

 

[lurch70]

always wipe the seat

 

[Chromatose]

"they let me rot"

hahahah it's like he was stuck there for weeks or something

 

[lizard]

MEXICAN BADASS!!!!

Woman performs own Caesarean to save baby
Mother in Mexico delivers healthy boy using kitchen knife

Updated: 1:56 p.m. ET April 6, 2004

LONDON - A woman in Mexico gave birth to a healthy baby boy after performing a Caesarean section on herself with a kitchen knife, doctors said Tuesday.

The unidentified 40-year-old woman, who lived in a rural area without electricity, running water or sanitation and was an eight-hour drive from the nearest hospital, performed the operation when she could not deliver the baby naturally.

She had lost a previous baby due to labor complications.

“She took three small glasses of hard liquor and, using a kitchen knife, sliced her abdomen in three attempts ... and delivered a male infant that breathed immediately and cried,” said Dr R.F. Valle, of the Dr. Manuel Velasco Suarez Hospital in San Pablo, Mexico.

Valle recounted the event in a report in the International Journal of Gynecology and Obstetrics.

Before losing consciousness, the woman told one of her children to call a local nurse for help. After the nurse stitched the wound with a sewing needle and cotton thread, the mother and baby were transferred and treated by Valle and his colleagues at the nearest hospital.

“This case represents an unusual and extraordinary decision by a women in labor who, unable to deliver herself spontaneously, and with no medical help or resources, decided to perform a Caesarean section upon herself,” Valle said.
Copyright 2005 Reuters Limited.

 

[lizard]

Nad, I've found a woman for you! She's witty and in total shape so she can help carry around the groceries!!

 

[NAD]

h0tt

 

[DE]

holy shit that caesarean thing wtf

 

[NAD]

yeah i remember reading about that. likely catholic, in which case the birthing process is as natural as breathing and eating deep fried everything like any good smexican.

 

[cthulufhtagn]

that's metal

 

[dorian gray]

i completely dont believe that. i saw a c-section the other day and it's vastly more complicated than simply opening up your abdomen. not only that, c-section babies do not breathe or cry immediately. theres no incentive - like being squeezed through a vagina - to do so. anyway, it's possible, anything's possible, but incredibly unlikely.

the toilet seat dude is funny because he recently had bypass surgery. these patients always amuse me because they are so out of shape from doing nothing for 50 years. theyre so flabby, exhausted and weak. i always wonder, "why bother? is it so you can go back to watching television all day?"
i can just picture him flopping down on the toilet thinking he was gonna die. haha, man, am i evil.
nah, i just get irritated at ridiculous medical interventions that keep people allive so they can continue to do........nothing.

 

[Conspicuously Absent]

my grandfather had heart bypass surgery and he WAS (till the surgery) the most fit and active 80 year old i've ever met. Strong as an ox too. but his new wife cooks with a lot of sauces and shit and we're pretty sure she's slowly killing him. (he's a born and bred scotsman, mince and potatoes for supper, soup for lunch and porridge for breakfast every day for 60 years basically)

 

[dorian gray]

yeah, my own football-playing-weight-lifting dad is on the verge of bypass sugery. i exaggerated the unhealthiness for effect. from my perspective though, the only ones i see are very sick. the ones that go ok, just get discharged and never make it to, say, acute dialysis. dont mean to offend anyone. you gotta admit though: medical interventions are WAY over the top. western medicine fucks with evolution i think.

 

[lizard]

Awesome! This guy is a serial ass-glued-to-toilet-seater!!

Man glued to toilet may have history
Town official: He's complained of same misfortune in past
Wednesday, November 9, 2005; Posted: 5:59 a.m. EST (10:59 GMT)

DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- A man who sued Home Depot last month claiming a prank left him glued to a toilet seat made a similar allegation about another restroom more than a year ago, an official told a newspaper.

Bob Dougherty's lawsuit alleges employees at the store ignored his pleas for help on the day before Halloween 2003 because they thought he was kidding.
But Ron Trzepacz, former director of operations for the town of Nederland, where Dougherty lives, told the Rocky Mountain News in Tuesday's editions that Dougherty told him in the summer of 2004 he was glued to a toilet seat in the town's visitor center but pulled himself free.

Trzepacz told the paper he inspected the bathroom and found "no indication that anything had been on the toilet seat." No police report was filed, he said.
Dougherty's lawyer, Mark Cohen, denied his client made such a claim and said Dougherty, 57, is willing to take a polygraph test.

"The allegation doesn't make any sense," Cohen told The Associated Press Tuesday.

Neither Trzepacz nor the Nederland town administrator immediately returned a call from AP. Nederland is about 45 miles northwest of Denver.

Dougherty's lawsuit, filed October 28, states that officials at the store in Louisville called for an ambulance after he had been stuck for about 15 minutes. Paramedics unbolted the toilet seat, which separated from his skin, leaving abrasions, according to the suit.

The lawsuit also stated Dougherty was recovering from heart bypass surgery and that he thought he was having a heart attack when he got stuck.

The lawsuit claims he suffered pain, humiliation and financial loss. It seeks $3 million.

"It's not about the money. I want my health back. I want to be back to normal," Dougherty said. "I want to make sure this doesn't happen to anybody ever, ever again."
Copyright 2005 The Associated Press.

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

ahahhahahahahaha that just made that like twenty times funnier.

 

[NAD]

hahaha holy shit it's like that wendy's bint! she found a finger in her McWendy's Beans and sued, turns out her sister worked in a morgue or something and the finger was PLANTED. hahahahahahahahaha

fuckin humanity rules

 

[MajestikMøøse]

gotta admit though that the mustache rules

 

[Conspicuously Absent]

he looks like the kind of sad individual who would claim to have been glued to the shiter for money.

 

[lizard]

his facial hair looks so thick and bushy, its like he had two beards and 'staches glued on.

 

[Krilons Resa]

 

[lizard]

and in further gluey news:

An American woman was so furious her boyfriend ditched her she glued his penis to his stomach.

Kenneth Slaby claims Gail O'Toole owes him thousands of pounds in compensation for the sticky trick.

Slaby claims his scorned lover pounced while he was asleep, whipped out her super glue and stuck his manhood to his abdomen and his testicles to his thigh.

The shocked man also says his buttocks were glued together and a swear word was written on his back in nail varnish.

When Slaby woke up and realised his member was attached to his stomach, the panicked victim carefully walked more than a mile to a petrol station for help. Slaby is suing his ex for more than $30,000.