i'm scared of telling this girl - who i started this thingy with - the truth.
we met the other day thru a mutual friend, and she texted me she wanted to meet again - why not? i thought. we had a date, went to her place, had a cpl of drinks, went to this river-side beach thing, lit a load of candles and chatted away through the night, till sunrise. really romantic like.
went to her place, and met up days after @ my place. as she's totally in love with me, i cant aswer it like full-on the other way around.
we discussed that, and i know it has to do with me being afraid confronting myself with my past (Mick:
"poor boy he knows he's alive, he's afraid to learn, he dont wanna get where he's going cos he's afraid he's gonna burn" like).
i'm afraid i got carried away a bit, tho i kept rational-like throughout the 'process', as it happened before, so i was careful this time.
at times i can really let go, and just enjoy the thing, but lately i feel i'm just not in love. i'm just not, she's gone now for a cpl of days, but i dont miss her. at all. and i know i'm gonna have to tell her. it scares the shit out of me to hurt her feelings. besides that, she doesnt have the appearance i normally fancy. i know that doesnt have to matter, but i guess it still does.
she's mainly in love with me cos she sees things in me, i dont yet see of myself. my capabilities and stuff. i have a feeling she's more developed than me, and i look up to that; i know i shouldnt cos there's no such thing, i guess... she just can read my heart and there's no way i could deny her questions, cos they're all spot on. scary stuff like.
i met her 3 weeks ago, and there has been some physical stuff goin on as well
i know we can be the greatest of mates, but that shows this is the cliché boy/girl thing again - "sort it out". yeah i know. heh