"Was your dad a chicken farmer?"
"uh... no why?"
"Because you sure know how to raise some cock!"
"Does this rag smell like chlorofoam to you?"
to a girl w/ an ice cream:
Can i give a lick?
No!
And to the ice cream?
"Do you wanna dance."
"No, get away from me.
"That's great; I had to take a shit anyway."
Before she slaps you:
"Do you want go back to my place, order a pizza and then fuck?"
After she slaps you: "What's the matter, you don't like pizza?"
"I'd like to do to you what Congress does to the American people."
"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
"That dress is gonna look great crumpled up on my floor."
"Is that a keg in your pants, 'cause I sure would love to tap that ass?"
pointing at her abdomen:
"My kid, right there."
"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but you're going to have sex with me tonight."
guy at the bar wags his finger, and a waitress comes over:
"See, I made you come with one finger. Imagine what i could do with 10!"
"Hi, my name is _______. You probably didn't know that, but now you'll know what to scream later on!"
"There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it."
"I'd like to say all sorts of terribly nasty things that would make you blush, but I'm just not drunk enough to blame it on the booze yet."
"That outfit is horrible. Take it off right now!!!"
Constantly look at your watch, even bringing it to you ear once or twice:
"Something wrong with your watch?"
"My watch communicates with me telepathically."
"No way."
"Yes, really."
"What's it telling you, now?"
"That you're not wearing any panties."
"Haha, but I am wearing panties."
"Damn, must be an hour fast."
"First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button."
"Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. She'd like your phone number. She wants to know where she can get a hold of me in the morning."
"Is it cold in here or are you smuggling tic-tacs?"
and the coup de gras...
"Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going."
