Blind Guardian - A Night at the Opera

[J.]

What's cheesy about Immortal, other than their costumes and make-up?

I think "cheese" is defined by high-pitched singing vocals, tons upon tons of keyboards, guitar wank, and costumes like Rhapsody wear, and leather pants, etc.

I rarely, if ever, equate "cheese" to lyrics.

 

[Crimson Velvet]

I've always considered Immortal to be cheesy. It's just the whole package, I suppose. From their first video, "Call of the Wintermoon", to the horrible promo shots they took for their latest, "Sons of Northern Darkness". The only thing not cheesy about them, would have to be the music. And yeah, I suppose that should count for more. But it's just the way it is: The grass is green, George W. Bush is a cunt, Immortal is cheesy.

 

[Ayeka]

I just figured everyone accepted that, you know, just because they listen to metal.

You wish!

I don't think it's even worth bringing it up it's such a cop-out, and most of the things people call 'cheesy' aren't actually that cheesy at all. It's just a word tossed around to try and impress your mates really...

 

[J.]

Do people really try to impress non-internet people with whether they listen to "cheese" or not? I can't find one live person in The Woodlands that could carry on an intelligent metal discussion, so I guess I'm missing the boat on this whole "impressing people with your metal tastes" thing.

 

[JayKeeley]

I rarely, if ever, equate "cheese" to lyrics.

Wait a minute....then you have no argument. If it's not about lyrics, then how can black metal not be cheesy?? You just said yourself that Immortal have cheesy costumes and make-up.

All heavy metal is cheesy. You cannot disassociate Bathory from Immortal to Manowar to Dream Theater to Motorhead to Led Zeppelin when it comes to "cheese" by your own definition.

 

[J.]

WHy does lyrical content have to equate "cheese" when I can't understand the vocalist anyway?

Not all black metal bands wear make up and spiked shin guards.

 

[Ayeka]

Do people really try to impress non-internet people with whether they listen to "cheese" or not? I can't find one live person in The Woodlands that could carry on an intelligent metal discussion, so I guess I'm missing the boat on this whole "impressing people with your metal tastes" thing.

Yes. I have the misfortune of meeting them every so often, doy

 

[General Zod]

To me, there are only two things that make a band "cheesey"; their lyrics or their dress... but mainly, it's their lyrics. And to that end, I don't think it's a particular subject that in and of itself is "cheesey", rather the way it's spoken about.

Zod

 

[lizard]

black metal is inherently cheesy because it deigns to speak for a demigod, or Satan if you will; whatever posesses someone to articulate what they couldn't possibly know? And as Satan is a product of Christianity, why in the world would any of these metalheads, many of whom scorn the Christian faith, buy into it?

because they dine on CHEESE.
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese
Edam
Gouda
Stilton
Head Cheese

 

[NAD]

I'm not sure what metal isn't cheesy by the way. I guess 'cheese' needs to be defined because I'd love to know how songs about Satan, Egypt, mass depression, politics, nuclear war, space, forests, etc isn't cheesy.

I just figured everyone accepted that, you know, just because they listen to metal.

Yeah pretty much. There are certain levels of cheese though, and the biggest distinction lies between bands that take themselves seriously and those that do not. A lot of black metal bands fall into the über-serious category, which is why I find it baffling that fans of that music have the audacity to label someone like The Mars Volta as pretentious. Like Velvet Cacoon, my fucking god can anyone read that lengthy interview of theirs without cracking up? I've seen romance novels with less drama!

I've always assumed power metal bands treat this stuff like theatre, goofy costumes and all. It's all in good fun, which is just great. Like Rhapsody, those dudes have to be laughing at themselves. If I'm totally wrong, then that's just sad, and would mean that power metal = black metal.

 

[NAD]

Look at that, 12 minutes. I editted that post immediately and it took TWELVE FUCKING MINUTES for the server to get it, 5000 frantic clicks later. UM gives me a fucking headache.

 

[JayKeeley]

NAD - I don't think I know a single power metal band who take that shit seriously. There is no such thing as an ideaology in power or traditional heavy metal.

With that said, Dio might be the exception. I think he actually drinks out of goblets and has the suits of knights spotted around his mini-castle in the LA 'burbs.

 

[J.]

Well, if you're going to classify bands as cheesy or not by lyrical content, then yeah, most bands are cheesy. However, a lot of black metal bands focus their lyrics on their ancestors, national pride (not necessarily NS), their heritage, etc, and that's something they take very seriously, I assume. So I fail to see that as cheesy. Not all black metal focus' on Satan.

But I find I'm more in agreement with Zod a little bit here. It's not so much that lyrics are cheesy to me, but in the way they are delivered. Perfect example: Blind Guardian and Summoning. Both have lyrics about Tolkien and LOTR. Both are fantasy metal type bands. Both are epic. Both could sing about dry-humping hobbits for all I care. In this case, I (along with a whole lot of other metal listeners) would only find BG to be entirely cheesy. Why? The way the music is delivered, most notably the vocals. Right or wrong, it's the way it is.

 

[JayKeeley]

Welcome to heavy metal.

 

[NAD]

Summoning isn't cheesy? Last night I was looking through the booklet to Stronghold (it arrived, thanks J.) and I stared at the group photos thinking "Silenius and Protector, man these dudes are badass. Good god I hope they aren't serious with those names." I guess Michael and Richard don't sound cool enough to use in a digitized Tolkien tribute band.

We're all Dungeons and Dragons dorks in some way shape or form man, just accept it.

 

[J.]

haha, wait until you see the photo shoot for Let Mortal Heroes Sing Your Fame.

And no, Summoning isn't considered cheesy amongst the metal hordes. In fact, they are looked upon as being more closely releated to fine classical music than metal. No shit. I guess it's all in the delivery of the music, not lyrical content or dress (although I do chuckle when I see some band photos). I guess people have their own way to gauge the cheese factor.

 

[NAD]

This is the perfect time to throw out the cheesiest album around:

That is all.

 

[lizard]

haha although there may be some cebaceous substances involved in Winona's Big Brown Beaver

 

[NAD]

SMEGMA

 

[speed]

Yes, the cheese reminds me of Dungeons and Dragons nerds, and since I was a jock, I feel the need to mock and physically harm these people. Ive been programmed by years of sports torture.

And you know that cheese ship picture looks very familiar to cd covers from bands as diverse as Heavenly, Symphony X etc. at least they are labelling their product correctly.