can you help?

[Freyja]

a few days ago, my drummer came to me and told me he would be leaving our band. the reason why is un-clear to me but it has somthing to do with wanting to become a school music teacher.
the next day my bass player came to me and told me that he would eventualy be leaving as well, because hes been going to Berkley so he can become a producer.
the catch is, they both agree to stay and continue to play local shows, but the second it becomes more serious, they will both bail. i even had to cancell a small tour because of this.
i am torn between leaving these guys who i love, or staying in a band that will continue to go nowhere.
music is all i have, and this is crushing me

any one been through somthing like this? ...any advice?

 

[Katalepsy]

a few days ago, my drummer came to me and told me he would be leaving our band. the reason why is un-clear to me but it has somthing to do with wanting to become a school music teacher.
the next day my bass player came to me and told me that he would eventualy be leaving as well, because hes been going to Berkley so he can become a producer.
the catch is, they both agree to stay and continue to play local shows, but the second it becomes more serious, they will both bail. i even had to cancell a small tour because of this.
i am torn between leaving these guys who i love, or staying in a band that will continue to go nowhere.
music is all i have, and this is crushing me

any one been through somthing like this? ...any advice?

My last band was completely torn apart because of differing musical preferences, playing styles, and the overall direction of the band. I believe much of it was my fault because I was being somewhat controlling of what we were doing with our music, and I regret making such stupid decisions and fucking everything up. It's tough not only because I wanted to get somewhere with music and the band splitting only screwed everything up, but because it was 4 of my closest friends (plus our drummer), who were also
some of the most incredible musicians (at least for being in high school), that were equally as dedicated to making music as myself. Now I find it almost impossible to pull together a band that will come remotely close to being as amazing and dedicated to the music as the one I had very realistic dreams for. So yeah...I kind of know what you're talking about, and there's not really much I can say to you to help you fix anything , there isn't really a whole lot you can do to change someone's mind about the path they choose to take with their life, it's all up to them. If they can realize that they have something really good going with making music, then that might just be what changes their minds. It's no good to force or pressure someone to do something, it will only cause them to resent you. The best advice I can give you is: just give it some time, if things are really meant to work out, they will.

Anyways, I hope things work out for you and your band, and I wish you the best of luck with your career in music. And perhaps I will have some luck with the one I am in the process of forming (With a female vocalist, of course ).

 

[Xerofall]

This might not make much sense now, but certain opportunities can only present themselves when great changes happen.

Sometimes for the better, other times maybe not...

What might seem like an ending is merely a transition to another part of life. (Sounds like hokey fortune cookie talk I know!)

Keep doing what you love and you will never regret the time spent doing it.

 

[OfSinsAndShred]

Wow... I'm in the same situation, where I don't know whether to stay with some musicians who I love and who have the perfect style for our band, or to leave a band that's going nowhere. Talk it out with the guys at length, and be brutally honest. Good luck.

Xerofall's post seems like it's very true. Talk it out and see what happens. Sorry you're faced with this situation, I know it sucks hard.

 

[obsoleet]

I'm in a similar situation. I'm in a band that kinda seems to be a stalemate even though I love the music we're making. So im working on a "side project".

So I recomend instead of quitting and leaving yourself with nothing. No band to practice with. No fun shows. Just start a side project. Get another group together and if it starts working out then bail on the other group. Everyone in your band is essentially doing the same thing. Starting side projects with school or whatever with the intention of finding something better.

But the worse thing to do in my opinion would to just quit and be doing nothing but playing by yourself waiting for the next good thing to come along.

 

[Freyja]

thanks for the words of wisdom...i feel what katalepsy said...if i leave im never gonna find musicians like these guys, but mabey i will try to find a side project, while i see what the fate of Polaris brings.
any one in the north east need a singer?

 

[Petethedrummer]

yeah, if you were in the PA area...but massachusetts is all far =(

 

[Kenneth R.]

my home town is somwhat near MA... but i'm at college. lol.....

anyway, I've been there. I was in a wicked high school band, a trio-

me (guitar/backup vox)
my best friend (bass/vox)
other best friend (drums)

we started this together as we just learned our instruments, and changes in musical preferences as well as immaturity and the constant threat of going seperate ways to college frequently wrought destruction on our ability to stay together. we often fought over girls (heh.. wow) and whether we should be a jazz band, a metal band, a cover band...

well, the inevitable happened and we did infact go our separate ways to college, but over break when we come home, we re-unite to play again, now more musically educated, and open minded. we play an ecclectic form of alternative-fusion with a few indulgent 80's solos, and i'm really glad for the opportunity to present itself to allow me to do this. if it weren't for our time apart, our time together again wouldn't be so sweet.

early last year, our drummer was diagnosed with brain cancer, so he was losing his ability to perform some motor skills (including drumming) and even still, he was very optimistic, and is having a great recovery with treatment. he said he'd been working on his coordination, and over spring break i look forward to being part of that trio once again. we used to go on band-trips, going snowboarding together, concerts...it's become more than music, its brothers.

best of luck to you freyja, i think sometimes change, though painful, is necessary to lead you to better things, or just a new and better perspective on something that's always been there all along.

 

[Pharaoh]

It happens to everyone. Even if a band has 4 or 5 individuals who are extremely talented, possibly only one has the passion, desire and strength to sacrifice the stability of a secure job / career / future in order to pursue a personal and creative "dream"....not to mention the funds to allow him/her to live in the process. My best advice to anyone who has a very strong passion for success as a musician is to secure a job which will allow for food, clothing and shelter, but one that allows for time to work at finding others who have a similar desire to work hard for success. I personally believe that if someone has talent, desire, honesty, and perserverence, it is only a matter of time that a positive energy will bring others to them. Perfect example is Mike Romeo. Passion and desire....he recorded an instrumental album on his own and an instructional video just to get his creative work noticed. I would bet he didn't even care at the time if it would have only been in Japan. It was SOMETHING, and he was not about to become lazy. Just my 2 cents, I've seen and learned a lot thru the years. Hope this helps somehow.

 

[Yngvai X]

I think the only thing I can say is as much as you like working with these guys, you have to be a professional and move on. This is what really sucks about having to do business with friends...because thats what this is, a business. Your bandmates are like your business associates, and if some of them are preventing the band from succeeding, then you gotta cut em loose. I actually will not get into a band situation with a best friend anymore, simply because of how straining it is on a close friendship to have to work together in a business sense. I have no idea how some couples even work together in bands...anyway, I'd suggest that you find musicians that can dedicate themselves 100% to the band and move on. I think a real musician is someone who continues on...regardless of band situations, so as long as you do what you can to extend your musical life, then do so.

 

[Freyja]

yeah, i understand where your coming from...my boyfriend is the guitar player in my band, and we have been working together for 6 years, the only reason we can work together is because he has the same passion and dedication as i do...we have been trying to get this band together for almost 7 years, and every time we make some progress, and really feel secure and happy, somthing happens and we find that were back at square one.
we have decided to finish recording our EP so we will have somthing to show for all the work we've done, but after that im going to try real hard to get into a project with some dedicated musicians...i just feel i cant give up music, im only 22, but each year that goes by feels more and more like my life is wasting away. i try so hard to keep going forward with my music.. i guess thats all a person can do, just keep going forward, regardles of setbacks. i guess its all a test of will in the end.

 

[Xerofall]

As long as you are doing what you love... you will never be wasting your life. If you can look back and say you've acomplished something that mere mortals have not... then that's something.

Just keep writing/singing/performing on your own if you have to, keep busy. That's the best way to proceed.

 

[weenur]

As long as you are doing what you love... you will never be wasting your life. If you can look back and say you've acomplished something that mere mortals have not... then that's something.

Just keep writing/singing/performing on your own if you have to, keep busy. That's the best way to proceed.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Bands have always been the most difficult relationships I've ever had. They've also been the most worthwhile, with exception to my marriage.

 

[Freyja]

As long as you are doing what you love... you will never be wasting your life. If you can look back and say you've acomplished something that mere mortals have not... then that's something.

Just keep writing/singing/performing on your own if you have to, keep busy. That's the best way to proceed.

thank you for that

 

[frozen_core]

you're ONLY 22. i know sometimes it feels like time is wasting, but do realize that it's still early. i myself am 23 and have been with my band for 8 years. together, we've matured both in the physical sense and musically, and have recently (past 2 years) found our sound that we're willing to make public. this april, our debut album comes out. yeah, it took 8 years, but we kept at it as should you. you have your boyfriend working with you and i think that's awesome! plus, i've heard your stuff on your site and it's fantastic, you have a beautiful voice, too bad you're not anywhere near where we live.

but seriously, the time WILL come with the dedication and talent you have.

 

[Freyja]

thanks for the compliment on my voice, and the encouragement..im just gonna keep on pushing with polaris, and keep my eyes and ears open for a new project. paitence and perseverence is the key i think.
my mother is moving to canada soon..im not sure if its anywhere near winnipeg, but its closer anyway!
let me know when your band is done with the record, i would like to hear it

 

[frozen_core]

thanks for the compliment on my voice, and the encouragement..im just gonna keep on pushing with polaris, and keep my eyes and ears open for a new project. paitence and perseverence is the key i think.
my mother is moving to canada soon..im not sure if its anywhere near winnipeg, but its closer anyway!
let me know when your band is done with the record, i would like to hear it

no problem. encouragement kicks ass!
when does your EP come out? cuz judging buy your sound, i would totally buy it.
and tell your mom to move to winnipeg.
good luck with everything.

 

[Freyja]

were going to get into the studio in early march... so it will probably be done end of march early april...both our cds coming out around the same time..cool
and my mom said she's moving to prince edwards island...not quite sure where in canada that is..

 

[frozen_core]

P.E.I.!!! COOL!! nowhere near where i am, not even close, but a beautiful place nonetheless. i can't wait to hear what you guys are putting out. you should definitely post a link here where we can buy it when it comes out...cuz i'm sure i won't be the only one.

 

[Freyja]

will do... by the way, dose your band have a web site or mp3, or somthing like that ?