cybersex jokes... hem

[Celtik Militia]

ok we've been having many serious conversations here, it is now time for a joke thread as it is the tradition.

the following link shows cybersex conversations where this dude, who calls himself bloodninja in the first conversations and changes his usernames later on (but you will easilly recognise him), makes fun of his partners, and i personnally find it fucking hilarious... but you are intitled to your own opinion. i just felt like sharing this.

here you go, i hope you enjoy : http://www.distortedprism.com/text/bloodcyber.html

 

[TheLastWithPaganBlood]

HAHAHA this is the funniest shit I've read in ages. I haven't had this much fun since Bush won the reelection. LOL. Seriously this is amazingly funny.

sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go f**k yourself
Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.

The first one is also good, hehe

 

[TheLastWithPaganBlood]

I need to try this myself sometime; anyine knows a good site?

 

[EVERLOSTINDEADETERNITY]

I saw this many years ago and laughed my ass off then as well as now.

 

[Billy Steele]

That one where the guy dons his wizard hat and robe had me rolling. That must be what sex is like power-metal style.

 

[víkingr]

He's making fun of MMORPG geeks in that one. I've seen that one on bash.org before. bash.org is actually one of the greatest sites full of funny things people write on irc, it has tons of stuff like that by bloodninja.

For isntance:
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...


and for the ones who use IRCI think the others won't get it):
<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

 

[DemonsAndLies666]

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.


holy shit. i about pissed myself reading this shit.

 

[Fimbul-Winter]

hahahahaha

 

[RideForVengeance]

 

[Valkyre_28]

Hihi.. The guy is totally sick! The chicks as well

 

[Blutaar]

REAL funny shit!!!

 

[iron_thunder]

ohhh my god those are bleeding hilarious! Thanks for the link, Celtik

 

[DemonsAndLies666]

That must be what sex is like power-metal style.

yeah.... it is........

 

[Thrymfal]

there's a new goal on my list of things to do. Sex to power metal, for the glory of the knights of the metallic throne of triumphant victory, or whatever.

 

[TheLastWithPaganBlood]

There are strong sexual conotations to power metal, just look at the Manowar sign.

 

[iron_thunder]

there's a new goal on my list of things to do. Sex to power metal, for the glory of the knights of the metallic throne of triumphant victory, or whatever.

Heh... just get your partner to scream out "HAIL AND KILL, HAIL AND KILL!!!" and... power metal sex will be complete.

 

[Eire]

Oh man that's as funny as hell.

 

[ASPePeX]

HARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!