Tis true, gentile readers, my life is completely based on Billy Milanos philosophy, which helped transform me from a dejected lonely teenage sociopath into a dignified tax-paying familyman! [Well, dignified familyman anyway]
Billy, I last heard your music in the summer of 1989, when we went to your show at Toads Place in New Haven. [I never saw an opening band get so trashed by an unwilling audience as Laaz Rockitt did that night! 6 beers were thrown at those guys] Your show was great, a moment carved into the pillar of my life, as it were. I just found this site because, for some reason, I remembered a line from "Spandex Enormity" which went "You fucking fat bitch, Ive had enough of you, take your flubber buns and leave." I always thought the next line went like "She left here in tears, followed by my jeers," but really its "followed by her rear " That line, of course, determined my views on health in America.
Anyway, here is the manifesto, a mix of sociology, geopolitics, and whatnot. My thesis: Hippies are the leaf, branch, bough, trunk, root, and bedrock of all evil. And they have just about taken over our country.
1. Dont apologize. The liberal hippy bolsheviks never apologize but instead drown out criticisms by calling their enemies "racist bigoted homophobes." [Moral: Learn from the hated enemy and never get distracted by having to challenge their 2-cent accusations; do like me and accuse them of being hippy bolsheviks in every sentence!]
2. I hate hippy liberal leftist politicians, especially their bloodsucking familiars, the neo-cons who pretend to be conservative. They are the filth of the world and now that they are in power in America disguised with business suits and ties, we are seriously screwed! [Moral: My grand-uncle suggested a solution when I was a boy; he said to me, "We should just line the politicians up against a wall, and shoot them! Just shoot them!" Thanks, uncle. Doing that every so often, and well see em behaving better!]
3. Politics is corrupting. Dont complain when they get caught, just punish them when they get caught. Theres no room for independent counsels and fact-finding with people who were handed so much power. [Moral: Refer to the second moral for dealing with wayward politicians]
4. America is the greatest country in the world. That is why our upstart friend of the north, Canada, must be annexed without delay, to punish them for the War of 1812, when we shouldve conquered them without having other nations complaining. Too bad those Kentuckian militiamen fucked it up! [Moral: Its never to late to right a wrong]
5. America was at its greatest during World War I. We were brilliant. We stayed out of the war just long enough to have every other country in the world borrowing money and buying huge amounts of supplies from us, and then we rolled in at the last minute and got all the glory (and money, as some debts are still owed). [Moral: World War II was retarded! Lend-lease was free shit! The Marshall Plan was free shit! Britain never thanked us, the French hate us, and the EU thinks they can survive without us! Well see, once the North Africans take over in 30 years!]
6. Our occupation of Iraq is retarded. The war was great, one of the most tremendous successes the world has ever seen. Too bad it was too late. We shouldve kicked Saddams ass inside out back in 1996 or 1997, when he was shooting at our planes every day. Refer to the next point for more details. [Moral: Americas interest was not first]
7. Saddam wouldve been a great friend. He was a pragmatic mass-murderer we couldve trusted, unlike those stupid asses who claim to be our allies these days. He said what he meant and he did what he said. Instead of the first gulf war, we shouldve given him weapons to complete his task more efficiently. He wouldve conquered all of Arabia and wed be driving our SUVs with 4 mpg at 12 cents per gallon. [Moral: Americas interest was not first, again]
8. The oil-producing areas of the world, especially Saudi Arabia, shouldve been conquered and controllws as American Petroleum Reserves for our own benefit. [Moral: Instead of giving royalties to the six desert rat Arabs who lived in Dahran and who now are trillionaires, we couldve simply paid higher wages for Americans to work the fields and keep the price of fuel low]
9. Anti-war protesters are elderly hippies who are trying to recapture their youthful days. [Moral: Ship their asses to Alaska and be done with it!]
10. Exploit Alaska [and newly conquered Canada] for natural resources and prison labor. Dont listen to the hippy bolsheviks and their stupid rants about ANWR. Ever seen ANWR? Its a goddamn desert, only with ice. You gotta be retarded to think its a pristine wilderness. Some oil derricks might break up the monotonous swampy tundra. [Moral: Let the hippy squatters in southern California migrate their dirty asses to northern Alaska and set up camp to defend the elk. Five days without "Queer eye for the Straight Guy" will cause them to seek shelter at Rig Number 4, where a scratchy rerun of Northern Exposure will temper their gnawing withdrawal.]
11. Liberal hippies are the whores of Islam. Sad but true. Compare the Nazis and the Communists. You will see the talk was different but the methods were the same. Compare the Imams and the libs. You may think its impossible that Ayatollah Khamenei and Patricia Ireland are hot lovers, but why do the libs sing the praises of Islam while denouncing Christian America and Israel? Or, why did Clinton keep from bombing Saddam during Ramadan, but dropped even more bombs over Serbia on Easter? And, why does a fucking American postage stamp celebrate Islamic Eid every Christmas? What kind of fucked up shit is that? Anyone know what the fuck Eid is? It certainly doesnt belong anywhere near Christmas, or on a U.S. Postage stamp! [Moral: The anti-America preaching of the Imams has resounded in the hearts of the progressives, hippies, and liberals, all of whom hate America and wish her destroyed]
12. Islam is noble, however. The believe in themselves and their missions. They crush their enemies completely but allow them to grovel at their feet; you might call it mercy after victory. The defeated even have to pay a tax for not being Moslem. [Moral: Too bad well have to nuke em one day in order to survive; Id like to tax the fuck out of Arabia]
13. The Crusades were the greatest moment in western history. Forget what the hippy bolsheviks say about the poor moslems. They had their "golden age," which every American boy and girl is forced to learn about while being told Europeans were eating shit for dinner. What they don't learn is the golden age was built on the corpses of the civilisations they conquered with sword and fire and murder. The crusades were the moment when the dark ages of the west was forever opened to the wider world, and inspired the west to seek its improvement instead of waiting in the shadows of its earlier defeat. [Moral: We owe everything to an ideal of 900 years ago, not to the rantings of hippy liberal progressives of today]
14. Palestine is a crime against humanity. Israel won three times and six Arab countries were beaten. Accept it! Everyone forgets that the Jewish homeland was supposed to include what is now Jordan, and then those bomb-strapping sand niggas would really have been in deep shit. [Moral: Those table-cloth wearing assholes should JUST shut up!]
15. The Jews are the smartest and most talented people on Earth. [Moral: Thats why everyone keeps trying to get rid of them]
16. Holocaust-deniers are assholes. [Moral: As Woody Allen said in Deconstructing Harry, "Yeah, six million Jews, six million Jews! You know, records were made to be broken!"]
17. Neo-Nazis are assholes. Hitler was a failure. [Moral: How can anyone make a hero out of someone who failed in every single thing he tried to do? Fucker couldnt even sell a postcard painting!]
18. Homosexuality and its dreary culture are the liberal bolsheviks way to rot America from within. [Moral: If the enemies of progressive liberalism cant be silenced with labels like "racist, bigoted homophobe," then their children cannot be allowed to reproduce; hence, homosexuality as a lifestyle rather than as a disease]
19. Blacks have the best TV shows. UPN rules. [Moral: A hard life has given the blacks a better sense of humor than whitey]
20. Apartheid will once again be the rule in America. [Moral: Not that this is a bad thing. I mean black progressives like the idea of their own institutions so much, even "Doonesbury" was making fun of them. Louis Farrakhan and David Duke are practically gay lovers on this issue!]
21. The OJ trial proves the previous point. Lets get this straight. OJ fucked and killed whitey. But after what happened to LA after the Rodney King trial, you better believe every goddamn city in this country was on the edge of being burned to the ground if the jury wasnt told to throw the trial. Homeys had their looting track shoes on! I mean, this country wouldve been destroyed in 1995, along with the entire world economy, as every majour transportation and communication centre wouldve been burned and looted simultaneously, ending our civilisation. No joke. This single black-ass getting off saved the entire fucking world. [Moral: The lowest denominator of our society has the power to destroy society]
22. A dam must be built on the Rio Grande, flooding it enough so anyone crossing it will drown. Yeah, you ever try to cross into Mexico from the south, from Guatemala? Youll get blown to pieces by a land mine or machine-gunned by the Federalis. Unless of course, you wanna get to America. In that case, bloody poor Guatemalan, El Presidente Vincente Fox (who still barks orders to his former provincial governor of Tejas, Jorge W. Bush) will shout "Get moving and dont stop till you cross the Rio Grande!" This is what Mejicanos call the "Reconquista." [Moral: Liberal hippy bolsheviks hate America so much, they happily support these filthy dirty unemployed poor bastards, even though their culture is one of tradition and conservative family values! Once more, the progressive eats its own feces!]
23. There is absolutely no such thing as fat-pride. Fat people hate themselves and everyone else hates them as well. Fat bastards! Who wants to be associated with these pants-ripping, car-seat breaking, breath-heaving, sweaty fat asses? They are so fucking fat! Our healthcare system strains like a kiddie trampoline under their fat broken asses! I hate these fat, fat, fat fuckers! [Moral: Stop feeding your depression with sell-out hippy Ben & Jerrys ice-cream having 5,000 calories per scoop, and eat real hippy-food like rice cakes and lentils and celery, you fucking fat-asses!]
24. American schools are the worst in the world. Ten thousand dollars is spent brainwashing each student to be subservient to hippy bolshevik liberal progressives and their environmentalist gay PETAphiles. The rest of the world spends $1.95 per student and these kids know algebra in the third grade. [Moral: The hippy bolsheviks have patience in order to destroy America from within]
25. Daylight Savings time is total bullshit. Only Indiana was a place of sensibility, refusing to buy into that crap, but even they have been swept into the dustbin of time changes every spring and fall! [Moral: Obviously a liberal progressive scheme to weaken their enemies through intermittent sleep depravation, the turd-faced bastards!]
26. Prison is a crime. Prison life is brutal. As soon as a man enters that place, he must become an animal and a homosexual to survive. What sort of good is that for him or society when he is let out? Creating a violent, gay devil is also damn expensive. [Moral: Corporal punishment must be restored; a humiliating and painful caning is brief, it doesnt leave the sort of deep emotional and physical scars one gets in prison, it serves justice, it gives the attending audience a good laugh, and it allows the guilty to keep his manhood]
27. Social Security is bolshevik welfare and is totally doomed. Not even Jorge W. can save it. I will be flipping burgers and selling shoelaces when Im 90 years old to keep from starving to death. [Moral: Dont rely on the hippy liberal bolshevik safety net: its designed to catch you like a fish and then you will suffocate in its grasp]
28. Trickle-down economics works. Every stupid liberal dumped on George H.W. Bush when he said it, but its the rule of economics. [Moral: Only red bolshevik hippies cant understand that it takes money to make money and the more that is spent, the more is earned]
29. Lotteries and cigarette taxes are the liberals favourite war on the poor. I mean, who buys a goddamned lottery ticket and who smoked? Mr. and Mrs. Dirtpoor! If there were no unbelievably dirty poor poverty-stricken bastards, who would listen to the empty promises of the progressive bolsheviks? Thats why progressives need to keep people in poverty (especially blacks), keep them stupid, and bring as many filthy poor from Mejico as possible. [Moral: Bolsheviks breed in the gutter, and our politicians feed from gutter like a trough]
30. Global warming is a lie, but if it did exist, it would save all of us. Why is warmth a bad thing? My gas bill was huge last winter! Let the oceans rise! Atlantic city deserves to be washed beneath the waves. Warmer climates mean longer growing seasons and more arable land in the north. It will keep the billions more people in this world fed. [Moral: Be like me: invest in Baffin Island property. Barren ice-choked fjords will some day welcome cruise ships from the Sea of Arkansas, damn it!]
31. I laughed at Columbine and I laughed when Princess Diana was killed. [Moral: Those who were kicked around by their social superiors can strike back, and the mighty can fall without grace! Life is hard enough without worrying about these little things ]
32. Finally, I hate hippy liberal bolshevik progressives so so so much!
This manifesto does not have any solutions to our problems. But it gives a real way of dealing with our problems, which has been in use and made America successful and happy. I thank Billy Milano for opening my eyes and letting me be aware of the world around me!
Jay
Billy, I last heard your music in the summer of 1989, when we went to your show at Toads Place in New Haven. [I never saw an opening band get so trashed by an unwilling audience as Laaz Rockitt did that night! 6 beers were thrown at those guys] Your show was great, a moment carved into the pillar of my life, as it were. I just found this site because, for some reason, I remembered a line from "Spandex Enormity" which went "You fucking fat bitch, Ive had enough of you, take your flubber buns and leave." I always thought the next line went like "She left here in tears, followed by my jeers," but really its "followed by her rear " That line, of course, determined my views on health in America.
Anyway, here is the manifesto, a mix of sociology, geopolitics, and whatnot. My thesis: Hippies are the leaf, branch, bough, trunk, root, and bedrock of all evil. And they have just about taken over our country.
1. Dont apologize. The liberal hippy bolsheviks never apologize but instead drown out criticisms by calling their enemies "racist bigoted homophobes." [Moral: Learn from the hated enemy and never get distracted by having to challenge their 2-cent accusations; do like me and accuse them of being hippy bolsheviks in every sentence!]
2. I hate hippy liberal leftist politicians, especially their bloodsucking familiars, the neo-cons who pretend to be conservative. They are the filth of the world and now that they are in power in America disguised with business suits and ties, we are seriously screwed! [Moral: My grand-uncle suggested a solution when I was a boy; he said to me, "We should just line the politicians up against a wall, and shoot them! Just shoot them!" Thanks, uncle. Doing that every so often, and well see em behaving better!]
3. Politics is corrupting. Dont complain when they get caught, just punish them when they get caught. Theres no room for independent counsels and fact-finding with people who were handed so much power. [Moral: Refer to the second moral for dealing with wayward politicians]
4. America is the greatest country in the world. That is why our upstart friend of the north, Canada, must be annexed without delay, to punish them for the War of 1812, when we shouldve conquered them without having other nations complaining. Too bad those Kentuckian militiamen fucked it up! [Moral: Its never to late to right a wrong]
5. America was at its greatest during World War I. We were brilliant. We stayed out of the war just long enough to have every other country in the world borrowing money and buying huge amounts of supplies from us, and then we rolled in at the last minute and got all the glory (and money, as some debts are still owed). [Moral: World War II was retarded! Lend-lease was free shit! The Marshall Plan was free shit! Britain never thanked us, the French hate us, and the EU thinks they can survive without us! Well see, once the North Africans take over in 30 years!]
6. Our occupation of Iraq is retarded. The war was great, one of the most tremendous successes the world has ever seen. Too bad it was too late. We shouldve kicked Saddams ass inside out back in 1996 or 1997, when he was shooting at our planes every day. Refer to the next point for more details. [Moral: Americas interest was not first]
7. Saddam wouldve been a great friend. He was a pragmatic mass-murderer we couldve trusted, unlike those stupid asses who claim to be our allies these days. He said what he meant and he did what he said. Instead of the first gulf war, we shouldve given him weapons to complete his task more efficiently. He wouldve conquered all of Arabia and wed be driving our SUVs with 4 mpg at 12 cents per gallon. [Moral: Americas interest was not first, again]
8. The oil-producing areas of the world, especially Saudi Arabia, shouldve been conquered and controllws as American Petroleum Reserves for our own benefit. [Moral: Instead of giving royalties to the six desert rat Arabs who lived in Dahran and who now are trillionaires, we couldve simply paid higher wages for Americans to work the fields and keep the price of fuel low]
9. Anti-war protesters are elderly hippies who are trying to recapture their youthful days. [Moral: Ship their asses to Alaska and be done with it!]
10. Exploit Alaska [and newly conquered Canada] for natural resources and prison labor. Dont listen to the hippy bolsheviks and their stupid rants about ANWR. Ever seen ANWR? Its a goddamn desert, only with ice. You gotta be retarded to think its a pristine wilderness. Some oil derricks might break up the monotonous swampy tundra. [Moral: Let the hippy squatters in southern California migrate their dirty asses to northern Alaska and set up camp to defend the elk. Five days without "Queer eye for the Straight Guy" will cause them to seek shelter at Rig Number 4, where a scratchy rerun of Northern Exposure will temper their gnawing withdrawal.]
11. Liberal hippies are the whores of Islam. Sad but true. Compare the Nazis and the Communists. You will see the talk was different but the methods were the same. Compare the Imams and the libs. You may think its impossible that Ayatollah Khamenei and Patricia Ireland are hot lovers, but why do the libs sing the praises of Islam while denouncing Christian America and Israel? Or, why did Clinton keep from bombing Saddam during Ramadan, but dropped even more bombs over Serbia on Easter? And, why does a fucking American postage stamp celebrate Islamic Eid every Christmas? What kind of fucked up shit is that? Anyone know what the fuck Eid is? It certainly doesnt belong anywhere near Christmas, or on a U.S. Postage stamp! [Moral: The anti-America preaching of the Imams has resounded in the hearts of the progressives, hippies, and liberals, all of whom hate America and wish her destroyed]
12. Islam is noble, however. The believe in themselves and their missions. They crush their enemies completely but allow them to grovel at their feet; you might call it mercy after victory. The defeated even have to pay a tax for not being Moslem. [Moral: Too bad well have to nuke em one day in order to survive; Id like to tax the fuck out of Arabia]
13. The Crusades were the greatest moment in western history. Forget what the hippy bolsheviks say about the poor moslems. They had their "golden age," which every American boy and girl is forced to learn about while being told Europeans were eating shit for dinner. What they don't learn is the golden age was built on the corpses of the civilisations they conquered with sword and fire and murder. The crusades were the moment when the dark ages of the west was forever opened to the wider world, and inspired the west to seek its improvement instead of waiting in the shadows of its earlier defeat. [Moral: We owe everything to an ideal of 900 years ago, not to the rantings of hippy liberal progressives of today]
14. Palestine is a crime against humanity. Israel won three times and six Arab countries were beaten. Accept it! Everyone forgets that the Jewish homeland was supposed to include what is now Jordan, and then those bomb-strapping sand niggas would really have been in deep shit. [Moral: Those table-cloth wearing assholes should JUST shut up!]
15. The Jews are the smartest and most talented people on Earth. [Moral: Thats why everyone keeps trying to get rid of them]
16. Holocaust-deniers are assholes. [Moral: As Woody Allen said in Deconstructing Harry, "Yeah, six million Jews, six million Jews! You know, records were made to be broken!"]
17. Neo-Nazis are assholes. Hitler was a failure. [Moral: How can anyone make a hero out of someone who failed in every single thing he tried to do? Fucker couldnt even sell a postcard painting!]
18. Homosexuality and its dreary culture are the liberal bolsheviks way to rot America from within. [Moral: If the enemies of progressive liberalism cant be silenced with labels like "racist, bigoted homophobe," then their children cannot be allowed to reproduce; hence, homosexuality as a lifestyle rather than as a disease]
19. Blacks have the best TV shows. UPN rules. [Moral: A hard life has given the blacks a better sense of humor than whitey]
20. Apartheid will once again be the rule in America. [Moral: Not that this is a bad thing. I mean black progressives like the idea of their own institutions so much, even "Doonesbury" was making fun of them. Louis Farrakhan and David Duke are practically gay lovers on this issue!]
21. The OJ trial proves the previous point. Lets get this straight. OJ fucked and killed whitey. But after what happened to LA after the Rodney King trial, you better believe every goddamn city in this country was on the edge of being burned to the ground if the jury wasnt told to throw the trial. Homeys had their looting track shoes on! I mean, this country wouldve been destroyed in 1995, along with the entire world economy, as every majour transportation and communication centre wouldve been burned and looted simultaneously, ending our civilisation. No joke. This single black-ass getting off saved the entire fucking world. [Moral: The lowest denominator of our society has the power to destroy society]
22. A dam must be built on the Rio Grande, flooding it enough so anyone crossing it will drown. Yeah, you ever try to cross into Mexico from the south, from Guatemala? Youll get blown to pieces by a land mine or machine-gunned by the Federalis. Unless of course, you wanna get to America. In that case, bloody poor Guatemalan, El Presidente Vincente Fox (who still barks orders to his former provincial governor of Tejas, Jorge W. Bush) will shout "Get moving and dont stop till you cross the Rio Grande!" This is what Mejicanos call the "Reconquista." [Moral: Liberal hippy bolsheviks hate America so much, they happily support these filthy dirty unemployed poor bastards, even though their culture is one of tradition and conservative family values! Once more, the progressive eats its own feces!]
23. There is absolutely no such thing as fat-pride. Fat people hate themselves and everyone else hates them as well. Fat bastards! Who wants to be associated with these pants-ripping, car-seat breaking, breath-heaving, sweaty fat asses? They are so fucking fat! Our healthcare system strains like a kiddie trampoline under their fat broken asses! I hate these fat, fat, fat fuckers! [Moral: Stop feeding your depression with sell-out hippy Ben & Jerrys ice-cream having 5,000 calories per scoop, and eat real hippy-food like rice cakes and lentils and celery, you fucking fat-asses!]
24. American schools are the worst in the world. Ten thousand dollars is spent brainwashing each student to be subservient to hippy bolshevik liberal progressives and their environmentalist gay PETAphiles. The rest of the world spends $1.95 per student and these kids know algebra in the third grade. [Moral: The hippy bolsheviks have patience in order to destroy America from within]
25. Daylight Savings time is total bullshit. Only Indiana was a place of sensibility, refusing to buy into that crap, but even they have been swept into the dustbin of time changes every spring and fall! [Moral: Obviously a liberal progressive scheme to weaken their enemies through intermittent sleep depravation, the turd-faced bastards!]
26. Prison is a crime. Prison life is brutal. As soon as a man enters that place, he must become an animal and a homosexual to survive. What sort of good is that for him or society when he is let out? Creating a violent, gay devil is also damn expensive. [Moral: Corporal punishment must be restored; a humiliating and painful caning is brief, it doesnt leave the sort of deep emotional and physical scars one gets in prison, it serves justice, it gives the attending audience a good laugh, and it allows the guilty to keep his manhood]
27. Social Security is bolshevik welfare and is totally doomed. Not even Jorge W. can save it. I will be flipping burgers and selling shoelaces when Im 90 years old to keep from starving to death. [Moral: Dont rely on the hippy liberal bolshevik safety net: its designed to catch you like a fish and then you will suffocate in its grasp]
28. Trickle-down economics works. Every stupid liberal dumped on George H.W. Bush when he said it, but its the rule of economics. [Moral: Only red bolshevik hippies cant understand that it takes money to make money and the more that is spent, the more is earned]
29. Lotteries and cigarette taxes are the liberals favourite war on the poor. I mean, who buys a goddamned lottery ticket and who smoked? Mr. and Mrs. Dirtpoor! If there were no unbelievably dirty poor poverty-stricken bastards, who would listen to the empty promises of the progressive bolsheviks? Thats why progressives need to keep people in poverty (especially blacks), keep them stupid, and bring as many filthy poor from Mejico as possible. [Moral: Bolsheviks breed in the gutter, and our politicians feed from gutter like a trough]
30. Global warming is a lie, but if it did exist, it would save all of us. Why is warmth a bad thing? My gas bill was huge last winter! Let the oceans rise! Atlantic city deserves to be washed beneath the waves. Warmer climates mean longer growing seasons and more arable land in the north. It will keep the billions more people in this world fed. [Moral: Be like me: invest in Baffin Island property. Barren ice-choked fjords will some day welcome cruise ships from the Sea of Arkansas, damn it!]
31. I laughed at Columbine and I laughed when Princess Diana was killed. [Moral: Those who were kicked around by their social superiors can strike back, and the mighty can fall without grace! Life is hard enough without worrying about these little things ]
32. Finally, I hate hippy liberal bolshevik progressives so so so much!
This manifesto does not have any solutions to our problems. But it gives a real way of dealing with our problems, which has been in use and made America successful and happy. I thank Billy Milano for opening my eyes and letting me be aware of the world around me!
Jay
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