Here's the best St. Anger review I've come across on net by far.
St. Agony - 3%
Oh my fucking god, we've got a new Worst Album Ever. I thought that the single could just be an aberration, but ya know what, the whole thing is just as fucking bad. I mean Angel Rat is shit, and The Haunted is shit, but at least they have the decency to motherfucking STOP after a while. This thing just goes on and on... it's longer than Suckwater Park, and suckier. Oh the agony - my blood is bleeding, it's that bad after a while. I would rather amputate my own penis with a rusty tuna can lid and die of gangrene in my groin than endure this album ever again.
Bad parts? Everything! Awful songwriting and shitty production... very low guitar mix, and the drums are far too loud in the mix... and it's just clonk, clonk... Lars pretty much is beating garbage cans - that's what it sounds like. A very hollow, echoey sound, and it just doesn't sound fucking metal, especially not so damn loud in the mix. Sorry kids, but this is mallcore. Seriously, this drum sound WILL get on your nerves after 20 minutes.
The other really dumb thing is that the songs are fucking too long - somewhere in here there is a merely awful 30 minute album. Somewhere. But there is too much repetition - it's like they play the album twice. Also, most of this album is complete fucking mallcore - pretty much every song has some. And of course Hetfield's vocals lack all aggression...
Frantic - ya know what, the Frantick tick tick tick tock part is actually bearable. I thought so anyway. The parts that really suck are of course that dumb bass riff, and the stupid "keep searching, this search goes on" dumb part. But that is by far the highlight of the album, and the rest of it is just complete shit - especially that dumb bass riff, and the stupid guitar tone, and of course the whiney core interval.
St Anger - we've heard it all before, and we don't care. Almost the worst song on the album... but close.
Some Kind of Monster... okay intro riff except for those blasted full stops. Also the guitar tone is shit, did I mention? Also, those damn clangy drums. Dear fucking god, this whole album is just BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK... also James has his least inspired vocal performance ever. He's ... talking. Also, Are we the people... that part is completely worthless, and the main chorus sounds like Machine Head gone even more wrong. The song is just too overlong for its own good. "This is the club that drains these eyes." Oh yes, the lyrics don't make much sense either. Also, the riffs really are not all that catchy... they sound very generic and done without any flair and distinction - it's as if you wrote a simple computer program to listen to Slipknot and come up with something that kinda sounded similar, and do that for about 8 minutes. That's this "song".
Dirty Window - Hey, it's fast, but it's still mediocre and shitty, and they pause every once in a while (I slam my gavel down) and then there's the shitcore interval to make us all turn into sexual perverts, if we survive the experience in the first place. You know those experiments in the 1950s where they strapped a guy into a centrifuge to see how many G's he can take? This is like that... how much complete fucking torture can you take? Damn it, just cut off my balls, burn me at the stake, and get it over with. Klonk klonk.
Invisible Kid - so I'm not quite sure how to describe what sucks about the intro riff, other than the fact that the tone is weak and the drums are klonky and then the whole thing sounds mistimed and stop-go-ish ... I'm not sure. All I know is, it would be good if it didn't suck so much. Oh and then the vocals come in, and the song is generally pretty mediocre... ya know, it wouldn't be that bad of a song if they turned the guitars on, oh and they didn't throw in the whiney stupid middle part and they didn't play the song pretty much twice, and this is EIGHT AND A HALF MINUTES LONG??? Make it the fuck stop. Dude. Enough. I mean it's not horrible, but it is pretty mediocre, and you really fucking wear it out when you play it for so long. "What a good boy you are" and we're still only 5 minutes in... dear shitting lord puking all over a minefield, make it motherfucking stop.
My World... ya know I didn't notice that this song had started and the previous had ended, until that badly coreish chorus... "it's my world it's my world", but then... what's this? Yes, at around 0:59, the FIRST LAST AND ONLY REAL HEAVY FUCKING METAL RIFF ON THIS ENTIRE ALBUM. For one second, then a lot more groove shit. And the guitars still sound weak and squishy and the drums are klonk klonk and make that fuckfucker just goddamn stop. Eliminate the vermin. And the aggression-nonaggression combo is terrible. "Look out motherfuckers here I come!!" la la happy riff. Damn it, make up your mind. Are you gonna raging thrash, or are you gonna play happy Mary had a Little Lamb riffs? "Only do I not know the answer" "I don't even know what the question is". Look, even Slipknot knows the fucking the answer. "God it feels like it only rains..." damn it, it only gets worse.
Shoot Me Again... fucking mallcore. "I won't go away, right here I stay"... hello, Linkin Park, we are your tour mates and we ripped you off. Fucking weak-ass pussy riffs and stupid vocals and this is the worst song on here. Come again, stop you fucking cock. This is agony. I hereby declare this song to be the worst creation that mankind has ever come up with.
Sweet Amber... mama she has taught me well, or at least the intro... oh and then the same old chorus, and the same old stupid riffs, and even when they're not playing the exact same song parts again, I still feel like I've fucking heard it all before. And it's slow and boring and plodding and shitty and the guitar tone still sounds gheyer than a really ghey thing. It kinda picks up in the middle, and actually becomes catchy, and it's fast and the highlight of the album, but then it's so fucking repetitive. Use it when you want to get what you want. Shut... the fuck... UP!!!!
The Unnamed Feeling - how about you make like an unacknowledged feeling and keep this goddamn fecesshit bottled up inside until you expire from your worthless fucking worthlessness. I mean there's that shitty opening riff, and then the Tire Iron Buttfucker Death March comes in... "I've been here before, I've been here before" - and you thought Harvester of Sorrow was bad? Fuck, this bows cosmic genitalia like the worst of The Haunted, except slower and gheyer like Voivod and ... then it just gets worse, and that middle section - you call that metal? I can't even call it rock, it's that fucking bad. It's complete worthless noise, that's what that is. A prosthetic butt, placed in front of a whoopee cushion, will make better music than this.
Purify - hey, an actual riff to start things off. Then we get the klonk and you can totally hear the echo off that drum - snare drums are not supposed to have cymbal-like echoes. Who the fuck programmed these drums? A gerbil? The rest of the song is nothing we've never heard before... all the same, only the names have changed. At least it's kinda catchy, except that Hetfield's vocals completely ruin all the vocal parts, and the between-vocal parts are ruined by the incredibly shitty drumming under that one riff that they pretty much ride into oblivion. Guys, can we make a deal? Please don't play that riff for five minutes straight... around 4.00 it sounds like it's gonna get really good, and it builds up, but then goes into a shitty mallcore interval. Dear lord, I DECLARE THAT EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ALBUM COMPLETELY SUCKS!! The agony!!!!!
All Within My Hands - it starts off with a mediocre fast riff that's not quite thrash, and they completely milk the living cocksuckfuck out of that one over a minute before we get into a squealy, whiny, stupid interval that ... wow, it's Voivod. Well, maybe not, but at this point I'm ready to sell my entire collection of speed metal vinyls for a chance to never have to listen to this again and just when you think it can't get any wronger, they throw in some weird techno interval! oooooohhhh.... That was the sound of my brain putting up the white flag and dribbling gelatinously out of my nostrils. Putting in that kinda uptempo riff every once in a while doesn't make this song not completely fucking suck.
I never have to listen to this again. I am physically ill. 75 minutes of unending agony. Merciless torment. The Spanish Inquisition wishes they had this one.
