Guess which porn superstar bought DARKTHRONE's Panzerfaust from me on Ebay yesterday

[JayKeeley]

You're right, it was Houston. Jordon is some other slag....

And this is Houston...

 

[Henrik Main]

For the people who are not in the know:

Jordan = Katie Price, ex-Page 3 girl in the UK. Remember the Paris Hilton sex video? The Katie Price sex video >>>>>>>>>>>> the Paris Hilton one. Anyways, good ol' Jordan had sex with Dwight Yorke, famous footballer (played for my fave team, Blackburn Rovers) and had a baby with him. The baby was 1) Blind and 2) Disabled. Bummer.

Buy her book!

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/whs/go.asp?isbn=1844540634&DB=220

Latest Jordan news: http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005053157,00.html

A couple of nice Jordan pics:

 

[JayKeeley]

The Katie Price sex video >>>>>>>>>>>> the Paris Hilton one.

I didn't even know one existed with Jordon. However, I knew about the Paris Hilton one, but you know, she's a complete moose.

Anyways, good ol' Jordan had sex with Dwight Yorke, famous footballer (played for my fave team, Blackburn Rovers) and had a baby with him. The baby was 1) Blind and 2) Disabled. Bummer.

Ouch. How old is the kid now? Does she still model? Bad news.

 

[Henrik Main]

She modelled until late 2004 or something. She now claims she wants to stop with the modelling and take care of her kid instead. The kid's called Harley and is 2 or 3.

 

[JayKeeley]

And her book synopsis says that she now has cancer...fuck.

 

[NAD]

I like Jordan, she doesn't have much of an ass but her bigass titties make up for it.

The Paris Hilton video is an exercise in bad blowjobs.

 

[Papa Josh]

And her book synopsis says that she now has cancer...fuck.

She has some bad karma.

 

[Ayeka]

...

I was hoping someone would do one of those...

 

[lurch70]

I like Jordan, she doesn't have much of an ass but her bigass titties make up for it.

The Paris Hilton video is an exercise in bad blowjobs.

yeah, that video just proves that "good looking chicks that know that they are good looking" = crappy sex

the worst sex I had was better than that video, but the chick was a lot uglier

 

[mousewings]

Hell, if only Darkthrone themselves looked like this!

I think Fenriz is hot. Like I'd go for him.

 

[General Zod]

I'm a little surprised at how many guys are concerned with the number of men a woman has been with. The woman in the porn biz are probably less likely to have an STD than a woman you'd meet in a club, given how frequently everyone in the community tests.

The other thing we all do (and I know I'm guilty of it), is compare these woman to the movie star standard, rather than simply compare them to other woman. Everyone who knocked Jasmine's looks would probably end up in chiropractor's office, getting their neck realigned, if she walked by them on the beach in a bikini.

Zod

 

[JayKeeley]

I demand nymphomaniac virgins, nothing less.

 

[NAD]

 

[Demonspell]

Now that's every metalhead's wet dream, she has the look and skill of a porn professional and not only wouldn't object to black metal being on while performing, but could match the rhythm of the blastbeats as well. I wouldn't be turned off by someone who had been with hundreds of men, but the first thing I'd ask (besides when and what) would be about her most recent testing.

 

[NAD]

I prefer the don't ask don't tell approach to how many dudes the chick has been with, because while I recognize that that kind of shit doesn't matter, I also know myself well enough to realize that I dwell on stuff like that, Chasing Amy style.

 

[JayKeeley]

Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?

Later....

Dante Hicks: My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer with Diapers: In a row?

Even more later....

Dante Hicks: Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!

 

[Krilons Resa]

Clerks fucking RULES! I need the special edition release on DVD.

 

[JayKeeley]

Randal Graves: Oh what, what's with you, man? You haven't said anything for like twenty minutes. What the hell's you're problem?
Dante Hicks: This life.
Randal Graves: This life?
Dante Hicks: Why do I have this life?
Randal Graves: Have some chips, you'll feel better.
Dante Hicks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than a slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.
Randal Graves: 37


"I smell like shoe polish"

 

[NAD]

Clerks = best. movie. ever.

 

[NAD]

Have you fuckers seen the Clerks cartoon? It doesn't rule as much as the movie, but like I just implied, still rules.