Help with Best man speech

[Boerboel666]

I have to deliver a speech at the end of next week and I am in desperate need of some good generic jokes/material . Any suggestions are appreciated !

 

[JeffTD]

"Fifth grade was an interesting time for [friend]. [friend] was different from all of the 10 year olds in his class - he was 16."

 

[arv_foh]

Just be genuine and tell some funny stories from that happened with you and your buddy. Always went over well for me, I find it goes better for me to just have an idea of what I want to say and roll with it rather than having a bunch of shit written down on a piece of paper.

 

[heshian46]

Google it, theres a ton of those types of jokes on the web.

 

[bryan_kilco]

Ahhhh!!

I was best man in my buddies wedding and he was like "You dont really gotta come up with a speech...."

I assumed maybe it was a tiny little wedding where, you know, it didn't really matter.

Oh I was wrong.

So there I was, getting drunk, trying to think something up like an hour before I had to give the speech, all my friends telling me "You're so fucked - how could you NOT write something up!?!?!" (I HATE talking in front of crowds.)

Didn't throw any jokes, just kept it short and sweet and talked about how I knew the dude since first grade, blah blah, good luck to the new couple, etc, cheers!

Have fun! Weddings are fucking awesome....I always end up wayyyy too drunk.

 

[SocialNumb]

Just get really drunk and take a shit on the table.

 

[vespiz]

Short and sweet, yes. I hate wedding speeches, they get in the way of fun (whatever that is.. alcohol?).

 

[~BURNY~]

 

[Terminus]

 

[Genius Gone Insane]

Do not listen to any of the above advice. It is all crap. To give a guaranteed good best man speech, do the following:

1. Talk about how you felt when you first found out they were getting married and/or when you first met the bride
2. Talk about how close you are with the groom, maybe share a serious story
3. Tie the two above together somehow (this can be tricky but you can do it)
4. Do not try to be funny (<- this is the most important part. By definition, the fact that you are asking advice from people on a heavy metal forum on how to give a best man’s speech means you are probably mildly retarded to begin with. You talking in front of a bunch of people is probably funny enough as it is)
5. Talk slowly
6. Smile
7. Breathe
8. Keep talking slowly
9. Keep smiling

This worked for me the one time I needed it and I am pretty much retarded. I still get compliments for my speech. You have no reason to trust me on this but if you do, you will be rewarded.

 

[Boerboel666]

I am just going to shit on a table and be done with it

 

[kev]

My mate paid a tenner online for a speech lol

 

[colonel kurtz]

just don't start any sentences with "remember that time...", and you should be alright

 

[SocialNumb]

I knew my advice would come in handy.

 

[Charlie E.]

Just remember to talk into the mic. I wanna strangle the people who decide to just hold it down by their crotch and walk next to the speakers.