Horrible day AHHHHH!!!! Long Post

Slash and EMD, good god, I can't even begin to think of what to say that - I love my parents and am very close with them, and the trauma that would cause me if they were to die, especially in the ways you saw yours, I'm seriously tensing up thinking about it. I suppose you both have learned to live with it, so sympathies are kinda pointless at this point, but you've got 'em from me all the same! I admire you two for carriying on and making the best of your lives!

Thanks man! But it's really.... hands down, you're only having two options: 1 - soldier on while taking all those shots (and there have been plenty more) and constantly reevaluate yourself with these given experiences (somehow drawing something good from it) or 2 - give it up and leave this world behind.

Anything in between would lead to a pointless life wallowed in self-pity. It's the easy way out and it's definitely worse than option 1 or 2.
 
It's very brave and shows confidence in the community for you guys to come and open up such personal misfortunes like this. My respect and best wishes that you will overcome these hurdles with as much ease as possible. Strength beyond strength, I'm sure you will do so. EMD and Slash, admiration to the way you have handled your setbacks in life and come out and learn so much from your experiences.
 
Wow. What do you say to that sort of thing, other than "sorry."... Although it seems like a very feeble word given the circumstances.

However, it's great to hear you guys have learned how to make the best of a shitty situation. :kickass:
 
AAAAH Fuck. I wrote so much and my computer decided to restart without telling me. here we go again:

WOW! I mean. wow. Thanks. So much!

But it's just like slash wrote (we really seem to have the same way of going through that crap): handle it or die. everything in between is called deeeeeeep depression. and as long as you're not an emo kid... it's not worth it! :)

Funny fact is: some things even changed in a positive way. I mean... besides the fact that both of my parents could have survived which would be the worst thing that could have happened. we would be completely financialy broke and they would be some kind of... brainless zombies. very expensive brainless zombies (4000 euro each/month). please don't get my sarcasm wrong. it would have destroyed me and my sisters lives and I'm really glad my parents don't have to suffer any longer.

I'm better in school than ever because I'm doing it for myself. not for my parents. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. works really well.

It made me grow up really fast. thats good and bad at the same time. If I would do a really really wrong step there is no one as some kind of financial security behind me. thats scary at first but to be true it made me careful and a bit proud because I have to get my life working no matter what.

thanks for reading. really! can someone PLEASE invent a teleporter so we can have a beer together? or two?
 
I second that! :kickass:

Yeah, it really helped me to get my act together, too. Being left with nothing, no safety nets anymore, close ones turning their back on you... it really changes perspectives. Swim or sink...

The thing that scarred me the most back then was seeing people that are supposed to be (emotionally) stronger than you, completely losing it. It makes you realize that you're on your own now. So, being still a kid myself at that point, I kind of turned into a "father" for my younger brother... He took a straight line and that makes me proud foremost.

So, thanks everybody for the kind words! Really appreciated!

The atmosphere on this forum really is extraordinary!
 
Man Kyle, you are one deep mofo, seriously. We talk a lot on AIM and I honestly had no idea what your background was, not that it changes anything in my view, if anything it makes you a cooler person to me to have been through so much and you keep your head up and don't let it show. Since everyone is telling their story, might as well tell mine. When I was 15 I had a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot in the lung. I was chilling in my room one night and all of a sudden it was difficult to breathe, like breathing through a coffee straw, or a flattened straw...almost like asthma, from my friend's description it's a very similar feeling. So I tried to remedy it myself with hot steam from water, hot tea with honey...nothing helped. Finally I woke my dad up and he rushed me to the nearest hospital. I found out about the PE and the doctor goes "good thing you came in when you did, 15 more minutes or so and your lung would have collapsed and any longer...we may not have been able to help you recover." Pretty fucked up thing to hear when you are 15. For the next month I'm stuck in the hospital, every single day I get pricked about 10 times for blood tests, they were trying to get the right dosage of blood thinners for me to prevent a 2nd PE. They also could not explain how or why I had one in the first place...apparently a PE is extremely rare for people under 30-40. Go figure.

So every day the doctor comes in, checks my chart, and says "maybe you will get to go home tomorrow bud"...every fucking day for a month. My parents thought I was going to try and kill myself from the depression. The first week in the hospital, my dad's brother went apeshit and killed his wife and a couple of her co-workers at her job before turning the gun on himself once the cops showed up. Little did we know he and his wife were having trouble and she had left him...he couldn't handle that, obviously. On top of that my oldest cousin on my mom's side had found out he was epileptic (sp?) at the age of 27 with no prior symptoms in his entire life. He was going somewhere, he was head chef at the Bellagio in Vegas, very high paying job. I'm talking thousands of $$ per week, just to run their restaurant. They took away his job and his driver's license. He got so depressed about it and took too many pills and killed himself. That was the second week I was in the hospital.

All in all it was a fucked up month, to say the least. I honestly don't know what got me through all of it, including my family getting through my uncle, aunt and cousin dying... But a few years later I got this tattoo:

tat.jpg


It basically translates to: "Every day is one day less", in gaelic.

It is a reminder to try and live every day to the fullest, make that day mean something. On my other arm I am getting a similar one but the phrase is "There is life after survival", which is about my experience with the PE and everything. It's my outlook on life that you shouldn't let things get you down and affect your life in a way that it takes a moment away from you. As an example, people that are in horrible car accidents and are afraid to even get in a car afterwards...that is like cheating yourself out of life. You shouldn't let something affect you so much that you can't do something you want to. My family thinks I'm nuts because I don't show my feelings when family members die, etc. I just tell them that being upset about it and letting it depress you or anything will not make it better or change the fact that they are gone or undo what has happened, it just makes you mope around and miss out on living.

And a big +1 to how cool this place and it's members are for being there, from anything about audio to getting through life's BS.

~006
 
Mike, damn dude, another real wrencher of a tale there - all that happening while you were helpless in the hospital, jeebus...I do have to disagree about showing sadness when family members die, though; moving on is important, of course, but it's best not to fight or try to bottle up your emotions, just let them out without letting them consume you (middle ground for the win once again!). Of course, you've suffered far more loss than I (the only person I've ever lost was my 28 year old cousin when I was like 12, so I didn't know him very well, the worst was really seeing the effect it had on my family rather than too much loss I felt myself), so it's not like you don't know, I'm sure, but just my feelings on the subject! Great ink dude, I like it, very meaningful :kickass:
 
I agree with you somewhat, I mean it's not like I bottle it up. I just don't let it get me down is all :)

~006
 
My right sleeve is completely covered with fucked up situations in my life. When my father died I got a tattoo with a heart and "Dad" inside it... yeah... very traditional ;). My mother was crying when she saw it and asked "So, what's about a heart with mom in it?" and had nothing else to say but "sorry, you're still alife". Guess I own her one.
 
Gentlemen, just hopping in here to show my support to you all and keep up the good work.

A line from Gojira's latest cd: you have the power to heal yourself