Guess that could be part of the issue, you program things that are to advanced for him, he thinks he nails it in a loud rehearsal place, and then when he hears how it sounds on tape; instant breakdown
Are you absolutely sure that you're not being a douchebag?
Oh I remember the days before drum programs and when you wrote a song, took it to practice and told the drummer a round about way you wanted it and he got close but in his way. I promise you....stop writing songs to a programmed track, let the drummer be the drummer and the bassist be the bassist....life will be much easier. Dont rush to get into the studio, practice until you feel the drummer has HIS part they way HE wants it and everyone else is comfy with their parts, then go and record it.
If all else fails, one thing that has helped me in the past is to track without the kick drum and then program it. It's easier to sell to a drummer, since it has practical implications (ease of editing, flexibility with changing kick accents if needed, etc.) and still allows the sound of real drums on the recording. Just something to consider.
Is he having problem with something specific, like nailing the double kicks?
Pretty much this. Some of the clicks are faster than we play it live/at practice. I feel like if some parts were any slower, it'd take a bunch of energy out of the music.
It's obviously hurting his ego. There's something about recording for some people that makes them feel like they are being micro-analysed and I think a lot of musicians find that hard to deal with.
He might be thinking that having to do multiple takes means he's not very good. A few guys I've worked with had that misconception. Maybe talk to him when he's not so wound up and see what's upsetting him?