Don't joke around like that. I know people who never heard death metal before and of course, they mock bands like Dark Tranquillity, but they could tell that there's a significant difference between them and a band like Cannibal Corpse. However in case you REALLY don't know:
Traditional death metal: (also referred to as "Floridian death metal" since it came from [but isn't exclusive to]... suprise suprise.. Florida) The riffs are usually more straightfoward. The music is highly thrash influence, and the vocals sound more like a roar than a growl. Bands to take note: Morbid Angel, Deicide, Cannibal Corpse, Possessed, Vader, etc.
brutal/slam death: Mostly originating from the New York area ... basically death metal with lots of muddy, low tuned chugga chugga riffs, poor production quality, and a really low growl that almost sounds like the singer is burping. Lyrical themes are mostly gore-related. Sometimes the bands can add "slam riffs", a euphemism for breakdown, really. This is pretty much the heaviest form of metal that exists today. I personally do not like this genre. Bands to take note: Disgorge, Mortician, Malignancy, Dehumanized, Devourment, Skinless (This is the exception. I love this band), etc.
Deathcore: Probably the worst form of death metal in my opinion. Hardcore and death metal combined.. No further explanation. Bands to take note: Despised Icon, Dying Fetus (newer), Job For A Cowboy, etc.
Grindcore: similar to the above two variations of death metal, albeit with more of a focus on shorter sparse songs. There are Grindcore bands that play solid grindcore like Circle Of Dead Children, Nasum, Rotten Sound, Brutal Truth.. etc and then there are death/grind bands like Coldworker (AMAZING BAND), Abuse etc...
Tech death: One of my favorite variations of death metal next to prog/death, melodic death, and doom death. Genre started with Cynic, Athiest, Death, and some say even Watchtower (musically, anyway). No real explanation is needed except that the genre relies on the most talent of the death metal genre. You know you're listening to a tech death band when you hear lots of intense, intricate riffing in a death metal song. Some tech death bands are more progressive (like Into Eternity, who are really prog/death, but with more death influence than prog) and some can be straight up death metal with really intense riffs. Bands to take note: Cryptopsy, Death, Athiest, Cynic, Decapitated, Severed Savior, Decrepit Birth, Spawn Of Possession, Aeon, Necrophagist, The Faceless... etc...
Melodic death: my absolute favorite kind of death metal. Traditional death metal, with that classic higher pitched roar (sometimes a powerful growl, but nothing gutteral like the aformentioned variations) but also Iron Maiden/Boston/(early)Metallica like guitar harmonies. Sometimes keyboards and progressive influence is thrown into the mix. Bands to note: Dark Tranquillity, At The Gates, Gates Of Ishtar, The Duskfall (old), Ablaze My Sorrow, In Flames (old), Dissection (albeit with black metal influences), The Wake, etc
Blackened Death: Death metal with black metal influence. Bands to note: Destroyer 666, Dissection etc..
Death/thrash: Death metal with more of a thrash influence than traditional death metal. Bands to note: Possessed, Deceased etc...
Doom/death: Began with Paradise Lost. Doom death is basically doom metal (and all of its variations like stoner doom/prog doom/funeral doom/and melodic doom) with death growls. Bands to note: Paradise Lost (old), Moonspell (some), Rapture, Slumber, Uaral, My Dying Bride (some), Withering, Swallow The Sun..etc
Prog/death: Death metal with progressive influence. Of course, lots of progressive bands require skilled musicianship and melody, so sometimes these bands can interlink with technical and even (but rarely, because melodic death has a unique sound) melodic death variations. Bands to note: Wolverine (old), Opeth, Into Eternity, Orphaned Land, etc...
Power/Folk/death: Probably the newest form of death metal to date. Coined by bands like Children Of Bodom, Kalmah, Ensiferum, Manegarm, Skyfire, Norther, Finntroll, Moonsorrow, Wintersun etc.. this genre employs death growls with folk or power metal (or both) influences.
Don't harass me about my spelling/grammar. I'm dead tired tonight...lol
Special kudos to Dan R.
