hmmmm.... after being called an embarrassment by my ex-best friend of 2 years who i thought of as a sister.... i wrote this
---
Memories of all we have been through and seen
Tarnished are the once-loved remembrances
Vacant hearts lost in the tears of fate
Lost in the Tears of Reality
Living off the tortures I have been dealt
Mirror to all I despise
Shadowed by what is not I
Why have I lost myself?
I forever...
...have started...
...raining sadness
Mental oceans...
...are regretful
Dissolved into...
...lost visions.
Broken sculptures.
Pieces crumble...
...like our lives rusted structures
Defaced columns
of my heart
Fluid torment
Vocal daggers of destruction
come to take your life.
Look what youve done
Ive died for dreaming...
Dreams of laughter...
Lived out sorrow
Betrayal is now your focus in life
Hellish blazing fires bursting through my eyes
Burning free your flesh to melt away my disease
Stealing now, your deepest cherished desires
Freezing yourself in time, past of laughs and more
Currently defeating all we had in store
Later on, you will see- you have then been dimmed
Thats the time youll realize...
Im no longer him.
Pain feasts on me
Hunger you now feed
Life- what you see
Death- reach to me
Dark
Tinted glass
Fades you out
This is done to forget you
Trust
Can be cruel
When youre hurt
By a friend who once healed you
Wishful thoughts of past
These damaged hopes now last
What shall now be done?
A gallowss structure has begun
Tighten
Your rope
Loosen
My life
Watching
Waiting
Upon
Your time
The call
You fall
Hanging
Lifeless
Words erased from stone
Chisel brand new thoughts of my own
Forget all youve said
Brush the dust of hate Ive been fed
Now, what do you fear?
Is thee hurt in what you now hear?
Who cares if Ive cried?
Wouldnt even phase you if I died
True
Ruled my life
From the cards you drew
Looking down at you in spite
Make believe
You are gone from sight
Ive
bled
Dripping through the veins of my dread
Floor has now been soaked
Stained here by the life you have choked
Deep regret in mind?
Bother none, for you will not find
My forgiving side
What you search for has been destroyed
Eyes will see you now through the fire
See
Lets see what goal in life you retire
You like what you see?
Fragments of what I used to be
I move on in life
Future hopeful for a wife
Family of my own
Treasures for this man to be sewn
Theres no place for you
So I let you fade away
You
Disappear
From my life
Heres the grave I am digging
All
Just for you
Tomb of stone
Unmarked grave is all for you
Pieces of my life
Glued here by the dark
Alone I shall stay
Writing of my heart thats been frayed
I have forever been lost within the tears of my own reality
and this
Forever to walk the land alone
Apparent nonsense to you I've thrown
Lulled to sleep by my own sobbing
Death should call, with my brain a-throbbing
My only fear has now come true
All hope of love has drained on through
Lonely days with tears that pour
Self-hatred reigns forevermore
Dreams of walking hand-in-hand
To my regret, have all been canned
Us, as one, would have been great
It is not you, but me I hate
Oh, how I wish to change your mind
But words of change I cannot find
It is your choice, forever decided
Though, it was the hope of us I prided
All I've wanted out of life
Was the love from a future wife
I have tried many times before
Hexed by a curse without a cure
From tears to blood, flowing from my eyes
Instead of clear, red it dries
Cried too much for the glands to take
Dried my soul to watch it chip and break
Release my pain into a bullet
Spread to all who see me through it
Destiny makes my life end
For what will make my brain amend
Help from all is what I'd seek
Push aside what may seem bleak
Fortress of despair is my holy temple
Cast aside is my darkened castle
Walls are bare from hundreds of years
Trapped inside of me with fears
My pleasant nightmare Fortress stands
Built here by my own two hands
My nightmares distanced apart from yours
Mine depressive while yours of gores
I fear not from what you have bled
Desolate spaces within my head
My fear of loneliness is my Fortress
Rags of pain in me redress
Hope has gone from inside these halls
My mental health now slowly falls
As I shock myself with tools of man
Electric death from my cooling fan
No more pain to grip at me
An open casket for you to see.
and this....
Resting my head
Bound to see your face
You are the one I look for
Over-under every place
Though you are nonexistent
As I wish you weren't
Please come and heal me
Grip my heart with kindness
You are not alive
You were never even born
So from today to my death
I give up on my search for you
Never will I find a person
To heal me of my wounds
Yet, my heart aches for love
As my eyes wash the pillows
Dead, I should be
But, I have not given in
Even with a heart so empty
I roam the land without a purpose.
not to mention this...
Once again I lay here alone
Staring blankly at my ceiling
Though I see a blank structure
My mind sees myself happy
I think back to how I was
Thinking back to over a year ago
Nothing could harm me
I was once content
The source of my pain
Is no longer from my past
I have now realized it is here
Revolving around my vacant heart
I yearn for love
Yet I do not want the pain it brings
I am not special nor good-looking
Why am I destined to be alone?
so yes, i think i can relate
