Ragnarok - this has been discussed with others on the board before. It is a delicate situation, and it is virtually impossible to give you "real" advice without actually meeting you and finding out the details of your plight.
Although I myself have not lived through a depressive state, I have through my daughter (this is well documented on this forum). Here's my "experiences" from the past two years (what I've seen my daughter go through), although I will say my daughter has made vast improvements:
3 attempts
Constant feeling of little or no self-esteem
Has thought people could read her mind
No confidence
Sees herself as stupid
Sees herself as ugly and fat (which she is neither of the two)
etc etc
We've (I mean she) has gone through 15 medications, in-patient hospitals, DMH, out-patient, emergency room, and more. I've learned that in the end, the strength of getting better has to come from within, with the help of external support. In our case, we have been very pro-active parents and have not left our daughter just to the medical profession. We (and my daughter) has done extensive research on the subject of depression/anxiety/etc to at least get some idea of what animal we are dealing with. We have been the main pillar of support, and have utilized the medical profession for assistance.
In the end, it's up to you. And I'll give the only advice in this situation that I know (in very general and non-specific terms);
No matter what you think you see, and no matter how bad you think the world is, and no matter how other people think it all sucks too - it doesn't. There is "stuff" out there to occupy your existance and keep you somewhat happy. It's up to you to go find it.
Damn - this topic always hits home - and I truly hope you see your way through this.
