ask kirsty, i'm sure she'd be able to find out for you
great, and while she's at it she should tell me how old Apollo is
I'm writing a story...
- Thread starter LoveJanne
- Start date
great, and while she's at it she should tell me how old Apollo is
Katie'Force
Kables
haha i told you, it's a secret!
oh and can i be in the story? with a top please, i don't want to be topless, thought i'd state that now! haha
oh and can i be in the story? with a top please, i don't want to be topless, thought i'd state that now! haha
alright then, so far it's you and ch0p that will appear a bit later in the story and yes you may have a top
ch0p actually asked if he did or didn't have to remove his pants
Katie'Force
Kables
i think he should have to remove his pants for the privilige of being in the story, whereas i'm just awesome enough to be in it fully clothed haha
Katie'Force
Kables
are you the type of person who believes in constructive criscism, or not? don't take that as a bad thing, i do rather like the story, but i write things myself and i do appreciate people giving me advice if they feel there are things that need altering. but let me restate - i do like this story
Katie'Force
Kables
well i leave work in 3 minutes, so i remind me tomorrow and shall give you some comments, i just know how much constructive crisicism has helped my writing so figured you might like the same... although i don't claim to be professional so feel free to tell me to shut up tomorrow haha
here's a LOT more:
So, out onto the stage we marched. I was feeling “pee-my-pants nervous” right now. I’d never been before such a huge crowd. I was wanting to go hide behind Mark’s drums, not just from nervousness, but also from the fact that I’m a drummer as well and would LOVE to get a play on his set more than anything (even more than getting to so much as touch Gus’s guitar). I was preparing to crouch down in attempt to make myself invisible, but Gus stopped me, holding my shirt collar now. I forced a smile and also my eyes to scan the crowd. I swore I recognized a few faces…perhaps they were faces of some forum members? I couldn’t tell until getting a closer look.
I was so nervy from being in front of such a crowd that the opening song had already started and I didn’t even realize it…until Petros about ran into me. He didn't actually ran into me, it’s just that my hair got caught in his bass’s strings as he got out of the way. I was really stuck, it wasn’t just some quick tie up. Apollo, apparently noticing the slightly different sound, looked at Gus mistakenly. Apollo’s look seemed to say “what the hell song you tune your guitar to?!” and Gus’s returning look said “that’s not me!!” So, Apollo turned around to Petros. I read Apollo’s lips, they said that he’d said “aah, there’s the problem!”. Apollo reached over in attempt to untangle my hair from the bass strings. Looking over his shoulder, Gus saw Apollo was preoccupied. Shrugging, he took over singing. My mind went elsewhere, hearing Gus’s voice all on its’ own. I didn’t even notice when Apollo said that he’d got my hair untangled from the strings and I was free to get off the stage before something else happened. Instead, I stayed there for another few minutes, until the song ended, with Gus still singing...
When the next song started, I stage-dove. The few hands of those people who expected the unexpected that came with shows caught me and ALMOST dropped me. I didn’t get dropped, I just got set down hard, back first. When I’d jumped backwards, I’d seen the look of surprise from Bob and pretty much the rest of Firewind too. Gus had laughed hard enough to make himself gag on his own spit. Bob had in turn laughed at that and almost messed up playing. Apollo had actually paused and stared at me like I was crazy. Mark hadn’t seen a thing, and Petros had just kept his head bent down, eyes focused to playing.
So, out onto the stage we marched. I was feeling “pee-my-pants nervous” right now. I’d never been before such a huge crowd. I was wanting to go hide behind Mark’s drums, not just from nervousness, but also from the fact that I’m a drummer as well and would LOVE to get a play on his set more than anything (even more than getting to so much as touch Gus’s guitar). I was preparing to crouch down in attempt to make myself invisible, but Gus stopped me, holding my shirt collar now. I forced a smile and also my eyes to scan the crowd. I swore I recognized a few faces…perhaps they were faces of some forum members? I couldn’t tell until getting a closer look.
I was so nervy from being in front of such a crowd that the opening song had already started and I didn’t even realize it…until Petros about ran into me. He didn't actually ran into me, it’s just that my hair got caught in his bass’s strings as he got out of the way. I was really stuck, it wasn’t just some quick tie up. Apollo, apparently noticing the slightly different sound, looked at Gus mistakenly. Apollo’s look seemed to say “what the hell song you tune your guitar to?!” and Gus’s returning look said “that’s not me!!” So, Apollo turned around to Petros. I read Apollo’s lips, they said that he’d said “aah, there’s the problem!”. Apollo reached over in attempt to untangle my hair from the bass strings. Looking over his shoulder, Gus saw Apollo was preoccupied. Shrugging, he took over singing. My mind went elsewhere, hearing Gus’s voice all on its’ own. I didn’t even notice when Apollo said that he’d got my hair untangled from the strings and I was free to get off the stage before something else happened. Instead, I stayed there for another few minutes, until the song ended, with Gus still singing...
When the next song started, I stage-dove. The few hands of those people who expected the unexpected that came with shows caught me and ALMOST dropped me. I didn’t get dropped, I just got set down hard, back first. When I’d jumped backwards, I’d seen the look of surprise from Bob and pretty much the rest of Firewind too. Gus had laughed hard enough to make himself gag on his own spit. Bob had in turn laughed at that and almost messed up playing. Apollo had actually paused and stared at me like I was crazy. Mark hadn’t seen a thing, and Petros had just kept his head bent down, eyes focused to playing.
Katie'Force
Kables
so here goes, let me first say that i love the fantasy of this story, it truly is every fans dream hehe
as for constructive criticism, it depends entirely on who you're aiming this story at. there's a lot of colloquial language in there, which works if you're aiming it at teens/young adults, however you said you're wanting to do some big works in the future, which this may not be appropriate for, so it's something to watch in later works. but like i said, it works for this story.
other things are just small things really like in the first bit you posted you wrote " I found myself not in my bed, not in my room, not in my home. Instead, I found myself"
it's not good to repeat a phrase twice so close to each other (ie i found myself), it makes the narrative a bit jerky, instead try things like 'i found myself not in my bed, not in my room, not in my home. Instead I awoke laying on....'
so in general it's just the odd little thing. but there's a lot of desriptive work which is good and you're not rushing through it too fast. it's a good story, i look forward to reading more
as for constructive criticism, it depends entirely on who you're aiming this story at. there's a lot of colloquial language in there, which works if you're aiming it at teens/young adults, however you said you're wanting to do some big works in the future, which this may not be appropriate for, so it's something to watch in later works. but like i said, it works for this story.
other things are just small things really like in the first bit you posted you wrote " I found myself not in my bed, not in my room, not in my home. Instead, I found myself"
it's not good to repeat a phrase twice so close to each other (ie i found myself), it makes the narrative a bit jerky, instead try things like 'i found myself not in my bed, not in my room, not in my home. Instead I awoke laying on....'
so in general it's just the odd little thing. but there's a lot of desriptive work which is good and you're not rushing through it too fast. it's a good story, i look forward to reading more
well i'm in a rush, i don't have the time to read the story right now (perhaps tomorrow), but i think it would be nice to be in it! i don't know how you're going to mention us, but it'll be interesting! and don't forget kirsty, she could be the star!
i think i can try to translate it, though i'm not an expert in english... and also i don't have much free time and your story seems to be getting huge! i may give it a try though! but why do you want it translated? and with english characters? do you intend to publish it in greece?
i think i can try to translate it, though i'm not an expert in english... and also i don't have much free time and your story seems to be getting huge! i may give it a try though! but why do you want it translated? and with english characters? do you intend to publish it in greece?
Katie'Force
Kables
i think she just means that she wants certain phrases into greek, for them to say. and the english characters because her computer doesn't have greek ones... which is strange, most do
Kirst-ehhh
Epic Kirsty
I want in! Haha.
I'll try find out Gus' weight for you
And I ROFL'd when you said Bob had the back seat to himself....FATASS. Eating all the buns! He needed the room trust me Poor wee Apollo hardly any room XD
xx Kirsty
I'll try find out Gus' weight for you
And I ROFL'd when you said Bob had the back seat to himself....FATASS. Eating all the buns! He needed the room trust me
Poor wee Apollo hardly any room XDxx Kirsty
Katie'Force
Kables
Kirst-ehhh
Epic Kirsty
He picks on me all the time Seriously. He's mean.
He says I sound like the people in that film Trainspotting. He keeps slagging my accent. Gus actually does a pretty hilarious Scottish accent. You should hear it.
xx Kirsty
Seriously. He's mean.He says I sound like the people in that film Trainspotting. He keeps slagging my accent. Gus actually does a pretty hilarious Scottish accent. You should hear it.
xx Kirsty
Katie'Force
Kables
Kirst-ehhh
Epic Kirsty
He tripped on the mike stand. KARMA.
I never believed in karma before this tour! lmao.
xx Kirsty
I never believed in karma before this tour! lmao.
xx Kirsty
Katie'Force
Kables
hahahaha so, in order to avoid bad things happening to you, do not steal bikes and do not pick on kirsty
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