the story that I'm writing...

[Unregistered]

...is going pretty well.But I started it out w/this girl,the main character,is in her room getting ready to go this heavy metal club where her band,Superbitch,is playing.The first 2 and a half pages go over what she's wearing-black jeans,combat boots,Slayer shirt,lots of metal jewelry,black lip stick,etc.I want this story to have a lot of detail.Anyway,I left off where she is leaving to catch a ride to the club w/her friend who is the singer of the band.And I think the way it's going,this story is going to be more about this girl that the band full of Satan worshippers.This isn't going to be some work of teen fiction crap-Nocturn Abyss is still in here!But I'm also incuding a lot of stuff about the main character,like her issues w/her friend who she really can't stand,her other metal head friends and this guy frind of hers-the main character's name will be Lauren,I think.I'm using my bitch of a friend Amanda*as inspiration for Superbitch's singer,who would rather be a pop singer than the singer of a metal band and constantly gives Lauren shit about the way she looks.Lauren's metalhead friends have a band of their own and want Lauren to join them bcuz they know how much she hates the band she's in now.And the guy friend of hers really wants to be "more than friends with her"(that is the fucking stupidest way to put it,I'm sorry).After all of those things come into the story,Superbitch is about to start their performance,but the singer refuses to be onstage w/Lauren and she leaves the club angrily.So Nocturn Abyss goes instead of the Superbitch,Lauren watches their show and is totally in awe by this band-not only do they have the power of Satan,but they are really HEAVY.After they're finished,she goes backstage and meets the band.She talks to the singer and tells him that they really kick ass and their performance helped her work off her anger at her band's singer,etc.This guy tells her that he can make it so that all of her problems disappear with the power of THE DARKNESS(Satan),he will take care of her problems and give her all of her desires-fame in a metal band-if she just accepts him and becomes a follower.So she says that she really wants what he says he can give her and he performs this initiation ritual of singing her wrists with fire then exstinguishing the fire w/her blood and she gives up her soul that way.Then she gets her life going her way and she has lots of power and there's another soul for Satan everyone gets what they want it's a happy ending the end.
Oh gog,I just realized how horrible that sounds... this story is terrible :wha:Somehow,I'd imagined the end sounding MUCH,MUCH better...can anyone hepl me with this?Suggestions,please!!!!

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

by the way,this is by me,dreaming neon darkspot,it's my story "The Devil's Music".

 

[[KOTNO]Narrot]

i like teh "and everyone is happy" part it sounds so natural...haha...superbitch is a great band name btw.... david

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Well Satan DOES make everyone happy,doesn't he?
Famous Amos and some other ppl were tossing around the idea of forming a band together.I was listening to the song "Give" by Cold and that song has a lyric-"You super freak/You super fuck" or something like that and I thought that Superfuck would make a really funny band name.And the next day I said to them "Hey,let's name our imaginary band Superfuck!".But Superfuck is now defunct since CT Thrash no longer wants to be our bass player.For this story,I altered the band's name to Superbitch,for obvious reasons.And Amanda* was never involved in Superfuck.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

The story is still going pretty well,I've got a few more pages written.So far,I'm at the part where Lauren and Amanda* are driving to the club(it's called The Neon)and Amanda is being a total bitch to Lauren about the way she's dressed-I'm making this story somewhat true-to-life.This story is getting interesting and I shall keep you ppl posted on my progress if you care to hear about it.

 

[Jimbo]

Doesn't sound that stupid it all. Sure, the satanist premise has been done, but the characterization as well as grounding it through the real (mundane) issues gives it a new life. Not to mention the fact that stories involving the metal world that aren't filled with cynical disparity or uneducated cheesiness are too rare and we need more of them. I'd love to read your story when you finish. Ah, yeah, I'm a writer myself (I've even got my B.A. in creative writing) so I'm always glad to read another writer's work, especially a fellow Nevermore fun cum author.

 

[Unregistered]

Wonderful,someone who doesn't think that the plot of my story is stupid,albeit cheesy.The whole Satanist thing is kinda outdated,I know...at first I was gonna have all of the guys be vampires,but I've done a whole lot of stories about vampires and I wanted to do something different.And I'm including all of these fuckin' mundane issues because,like I said,I'm giving this story a lot of detail and I'm kinda writing it from MY OWN point of view,like this is the way I want stuff to really happen.Plus all of the mundane issues that I'm having the character go thru now are used to show how much her life changes after this night when she becomes a Satanist-to show how much better Satan has made her life I took a lot of my actual opinions on things in real life and put them in this story.For example-there's one part where Lauren is in the car w/Amanda and Linkin Park comes on the radio.Lauren says "Linkin Park is what Nsync would sound like if they ever got angry.",which is basically how I feel about them,too.
As for an update on my progress-
Lauren and Amanda are at the club now,Amanda rushes away from the car after telling Lauren not to come anywhere near her and not to expect a ride home.Lauren's walking thru the parking lot and runs into these whiggers who are hanging out at a KFC which is in the same lot.And they totally bash her,making all of these comments about how freakish she is,etc.And I'm using situations from my life,here.So that's where I left off and this story is over 10 pages,as of now.I read some of Amanda's dialouge to Famous Amos and she asked me if Amanda herself hadn't written it herself,so I guess that's a compliment for me,I know how exactly to quote my bitchy aquaintance's attacks on me exactly.
Maybe I'll post my story whenever I finish it,but I think it may be too long to post,so you might have to wait until it's published w/all of my other work.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

that's my post up there..what the hell?I'm unregistered again?Goddamnit!

 

[Somber Oracle]

Don't quit your day job...

 

[buzz]

it's not like she's writing a book

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Originally posted by Somber Oracle
Don't quit your day job...

What the hell do you mean by that? Are you a writer? Hey,I know that the plot sounds really lame,I said that I know that.Writing isn't my full time job,I'm just writing this story for fun.I'm only 14 for crissakes!I know I'm not the next H.P.Lovecraft or Anne Rice,but I'm sure that my writing will improve over time,and when it does,I intend to become a writer full time.Besides,my other writing is way better than this story.
~D.N.Darkspot

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Sombre Oracle-"Don't Quit Your Day Job"
hmmmmmm.........you just don't know......
Darkspot is a awesome writer! I thought I expressed what would happen to anyone who in any way dissed my good friend Darkspot................
By the way, Darkspot, how's the band going w/out me? he he he.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

There you are,CT Thrash...uh,the non-existant band "Superfuck" is "on hiatus" But they're actually doing pretty well in my story.Wait,well,no they aren't.Superfuck breaks up after the drummer aquires her Satanic powers and destroys the snobby overbearing lead singer...I'm thinking of making my next "project" be called Dead Concept.If I was any good on the drums, maybe I'd get around to putting together a real band.But for now I'm just sticking to writing...go me

 

[Somber Oracle]

Originally posted by ct_thrash
Sombre Oracle-"Don't Quit Your Day Job"
hmmmmmm.........you just don't know......
Darkspot is a awesome writer! I thought I expressed what would happen to anyone who in any way dissed my good friend Darkspot................
By the way, Darkspot, how's the band going w/out me? he he he.

I'm sorry, I wouldnt not want you to e-kick my ass. People who threaten others online are extremely lame. And by the way, yes I am a writer.

 

[Jimbo]

Alright, melancholy prophet, you've expressed your opinion and managed to be unnecessarily offensive. If you're a writer, post some work and let the rest of us see for ourselves. Yes, you have the full right to express your opinion and even to be a schmuck, both of which you've excercised in a short span. If you're a writer you should at least know the only useful criticism is constructive. Or mayhap your'te too cool for this board and it's amateur authors.

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

...Uh... man... where is all the neck slitting and the stump fucking???

Geeeezzzz... what is this world coming to?

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Do you have any suggestions for my story,Sombre Oracle?If you are a writer and have been writing for longer than I have(about 1 and a half yrs.),then I suppose that you would have the right to critisize me.But,just remember,it was your dicision to read my thread, you don't have to give a shit about my story which means that if you don't like it,you don't have to tell me so.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Sombre Oracle-----"e-kick" your ass? Now THAT is lame!!!!!! By the way, how many regional UIL contests for writing have you competed in?????

 

[Somber Oracle]

Originally posted by Jimbo
Alright, melancholy prophet, you've expressed your opinion and managed to be unnecessarily offensive. If you're a writer, post some work and let the rest of us see for ourselves. Yes, you have the full right to express your opinion and even to be a schmuck, both of which you've excercised in a short span. If you're a writer you should at least know the only useful criticism is constructive. Or mayhap your'te too cool for this board and it's amateur authors.

All criticism is good criticism, it makes people strive to be better. And I will not post my storys on this board, because it is a NEVERMORE board.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Okay,Sombre Oracle,constructive critisizim is a good thing.You've got the critisizim part down...now what about some tips for my story.If you have some suggestions for me,fine.But if you don't,then don't bother saying anything more.