Is there a stupider band than Mayhem?

[spawn]

Norwegian black metallers MAYHEM have vowed to go make their next studio effort, "Chimera", "much more back to basics and much more brutal" than 2000's "Grand Declaration of War", according to post on the band's web site.

The group have also confirmed that they have have re-signed with Season Of Mist Records for the release of their new album, which is set to be recorded at a mobile studio in the mountains of Norway during November/December and is scheduled for release during March 2004.

"[Bassist] Necrobutcher [a.k.a. Jorn Stubberud] & [guitarist] Blasphemer [a.k.a. Rune Eriksen] met with [Season Of Mist] in Marseille [France] to negotiate a new contract, during which lightning and rain swept through the city when it had been bone dry for months," the band recount on their web site. "Lightning struck but a few meters from the office as the contract was being signed. The cursed existence of MAYHEM remains, prepare for an attack like no other…"

Among the tracks set to appear on "Chimera" are the following:

01. Rape Humanity With Pride
02. Chimera
03. Dark Night Of The Soul
04. Deathwhore
**************************************

"Lightning struck but a few meters from the office as the contract was being signed. The cursed existence of MAYHEM remains, prepare for an attack like no other…"

Oh my GOD! I was about 50 metres from a lightning strike once! Im cursed too! Anyone else been in a similair situation? If so, you can join my new black metal band, and WE will become the most cursed band in existence.

How is that being cursed? It was a storm and a bit of lightning you moron!These guys are UTTER IDIOTS. I can just imagine them doing their songwriting, up in some cabin in the snow, with candles, and makeup on the whole time, making scowling faces and carving pumpkins Halloween style.

This band is NOTHING but a bunch of HACKS marketing themselves off 2 dead guys.

Anyway, I, Stormbringer Scarypants, am now off to the forest to smear myself in the blood of dead Squirrels in preparation for the writing of my new album, those clouds look ominous...

Mayhem SUCK.

 

[spawn]

Suck Diddly Uck.

 

[Sydo]

Back when they toured Australia, I remember overhearing a couple of goth's describing Mayhem to their normal friends in a study room at uni. Her exact words were, 'Mayhem are like the Beetles of metal!'

Obviously I pissed myself with laughter and quickly left the room.

 

[spawn]

So have you ever had a brush with death in any way shape or form Sydo? Then you can join my band. Even if you just saw a Tiger or something.

 

[phlogiston]

I saw I tiger once! The only thing between me and certain death was a few meters of open space. And a concrete wall. And several inches of glass. And some iron bars. And a ditch. And the fact that the tiger was well fed and sleeping in a patch of sunlight.

Pretty scary, let me tell you.

 

[spawn]

Id like to welcome the newest member of the band, Tigersmasher Ironlust!

Heres your garden rake, 10% off voucher for the makeup counter at Grace Borthers and some nails to spike through your pants and ruin them.

 

[The Amazer]

I fell off a fence once! I got a graze on my arm!

 

[KoichCPA]

I had rhematic fever once, and I thought I was having a heart attack. So I drove to the hospital, just in case I was having one.

See, not only did I nearly die, I'm so metal I drove myself there.

 

[Mark]

I just imagine black metal bands calling home to say, "Hey Mum! It's Trev. I'm in GERMANY! Yeah! Auntie Helga says hi, I've picked up some of those chocolates you wanted, too. Hey, the band has to leave, so I'll talk soon ok? Ok. Love you!"

 

[Dave_Mustaine84]

but, but i like Mayhem

 

[KoichCPA]

I love when Black Metal bands growl soung titles, like Mydraal did.

*growl* the next song is.....
*normal voice* hey can you turn the foldbacks up please
*growl* The next song is Rotting Nunwhore Fetus in the Forest of Loki's Palace, where upon a shrinking moon thy brethren laid waste to some christian, then had some milo.

 

[Winmar]

I pissed on a wire fence once. If it had been an electric fence, I would have been electrocuted. Can I join your band, spawny?

 

[Blitzkrieg]

 

[The Amazer]

Frost looks cool in that pic

 

[spawn]

I fell off a fence once! I got a graze on my arm!

Introducing Grazefist Swordarm!

 

[spawn]

I had rhematic fever once, and I thought I was having a heart attack. So I drove to the hospital, just in case I was having one.

See, not only did I nearly die, I'm so metal I drove myself there.

Plaguegrinder Deathbeater!

 

[TinMan666]

I've actually been seriously electrocuted and had to have reconstructive surgery on my left (ie - fretboard) hand because of the burns and nerve damage.

So I should be in the band.

Except that I hate all that glam shit.

 

[spawn]

I pissed on a wire fence once. If it had been an electric fence, I would have been electrocuted. Can I join your band, spawny?

Razorsmash Bloodbath!

 

[spawn]

I've actually been seriously electrocuted and had to have reconstructive surgery on my left (ie - fretboard) hand because of the burns and nerve damage.

So I should be in the band.

Except that I hate all that glam shit.

Glamkiller Putrifaction!

 

[spawn]

Seeing as though you hang alot of shit on black metal (hey it's your choice!), Spawn, would you mind sending those 500 odd black metal CD's you have, and probably don't listen to (why do you have them, again?) down to me? It could compliment my own collection...

So I cannot enjoy black metal if I dont take it seriously? Its a JOKE. The whole genre is RIDICULOUS and would be utterly laughed at by everyone if there hadnt been those murders and church burnings to give it noteriety.