Jokes...anyone?

theres loads of them dead baby jokes and I dont really find them that funny i mean...

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari?

I dont have a ferrari in my garage.
 
What's gorier than two babies impaled in one tree?

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One baby impaled in two trees. :lol:
 
an american and a jew are walking on a beach and they see a lamp, they rub it, and a ghost comes out of it... they have each one wish
the jew says: I want al the jews out of america, back happy and all in jew-land
the gosht goes poef, al the jews are gone, out of america, back in jew-land
then it's the american's turn and he goes, so you mean all the jews are out of america, well then just give me a coke

I don't know what you guys think, what I thought it was pretty funny
(it's from the boondock saints by the way)
 
A man walks into a pub with a pork pie on his head and falls over in some shit. Another man, this time with a bottle of Koskenkorva on his head, walks in and falls over in the shit. The first man says "I just did that" The second man punches him and says "You dirty bastard"
 
Priest and a Rabbi are standing on a street corner....

Little boy walks out in front eating an ice cream, the piest goes
"..Wanna fuck him?"

the rabbi turns round with a grin and says..

"Outta what?"
 
-Gavin- said:
Priest and a Rabbi are standing on a street corner....

Little boy walks out in front eating an ice cream, the piest goes
"..Wanna fuck him?"

the rabbi turns round with a grin and says..

"Outta what?"
Click to expand...
didnt i tell you that one?
 
Q. Whats the difference between a my pals and a tyre ?
A. Tyres don't sing when you put chains on them ...

Q. Why do Iraquians carry shit in their wallets ?
A. For identification.

Q. Why did the poof get fired from the job at the spermbank ?
A. He was caught drinking on the job ...

Q. Whats the definition of a perfect woman ?
A. a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head
so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turn into a
roastbeef sandwich and a sixpack.

Q. How do you get four poofs on a barstool ?
A. Turn it upside-down ...

Q. Why do blacks wear widebrimmed hats ?
A. To prevent birds from shitting on their lips.

Q. Why do blacks wear platform shoes ?
A. To stop their knuckles from dragging on the ground.

Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?
A. Sheep.

Q. How do you say "fuck off" in jewish ?
A. "Trust me!"

Q. Whats the definition of jewish foreplay ?
A. Two hours of begging.

Q. What do you get if you cross Bo Derek with a my pals ?
A. 10 of spades ...

Q. What's the brown stuff between the elephants toes ?
A. Slow natives.

Q. What do you get if you cross a my pals with a gorilla ?
A. A dumb gorilla.


Q. Why brixton my pals have such small steeringwheels ?
A. So that they can drive with their handcuffs on ...

Q. What did Adam say to Eve ?
A. You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.

Q. Where is an elephants sex organ ?
A. In his feet. If he steps on you, you're fucked !

Q. What do you get if you cross a my pals with a monkey ?
A. Nothing, monkeys are too intelligent to fuck my pals.

Q. Why does Barbara Bush always get on top ?
A. Because George can only fuck up.

Q. Why did god create the orgasm ?
A. So that my pals should know when to stop fucking.

Q. What do you call an Irishman with half a brain ?
A. Gifted.

Q. Why do women have two holes so close together ?
A. In case you miss.

Q. What do you call a beautiful girl in poland ?
A. A tourist.

Q. What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook ?
A. 100 way to wok your dog.

Q. What's the definition of mass confusion ?
A. Father's day in Brixton.

Q. Whats the ultimate rejection ?
A. Your hand falling asleep while your having a wank.

Q. How do you kill a westindian ?
A. Slap the toiletseat over his head while he's taking a drink of water.

Q. How many blacks does it take to pave a driveway ?
A. It depends on how thin you slice them.

Q. Do you know how to save a drowning my pals ?
.. No ?!?
Good!

Q. What's natural dentalfloss ?
A. Pubic hair.

Q. Why don't my pals have chequebooks ?
A. Because it's hard to sign your name with a spraypaint.

Q. What do you get if you cross a Jew with a gypsy ?
A. A chain of empty stores.

Q. Why do Iraquians smell so bad ?
A. So blind people can hate them as well.

Q. What are the three greates lies ?
A. 1) Black is beautiful
2) The check is in the mail
3) Of course I won't come in your mouth.

Q. Why do women have two holes so close together ?
A. So you can carry them home like a sixpack.

Q. Why wasn't jesus born in the U.S.A ?
A. Because god couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q. How did the Irish acid-bath murderer loose his hand ?
A. Pulling out the plug.

Q. What is blue and fucks old age pensioners ?
A. Hypothermia.
 
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you've dumped your load in it.

Q: What does an Essex girl say after sex?
A: "Do you really all play for the same football team?"

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?
A: An Essex girl has a higher sperm count.

Q: Why do Essex Girls wear knickers?
A: To keep their ankles warm
 
Nemesis_lxix said:
You are so lucky in Brazil,Never got stuck in a snowstorm !
Click to expand...

I regard myself as being unlucky though, cause I never frolicked in the snow, built snowmen, played snowball and all stuff I read calvin did :(


Btw, your sig is fucking cool cause event horizon pwns :)
 
Here's my racist stereotype joke.....

So yeah, there's this apartment where three different guys live, a jew, an Italian, and a red-headed gay man. So the Italian guy asks in an Italian accent, "what you boys a doin' today? I'm makin' some great pasta sause for my spaghetti tonight!" The jewish guy answers "I'm doin' my taxes! It's all about the Money!" So then the red-headed guy says "I'm gonna look for some new velvet drapes and play some bass" And then all of them went about their business. The end.
 
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