Kicking out your vocalist/best friend

[bryan_kilco]

Anyone had to do this before?

Over the past 2 years or so, our vocalist and I have become great friends. Some stuff came up and we've made the decision to let him go. I know he's very hurt over this, and I am too. I really don't want to see my best bud get booted, but he hasn't been pulling his weight and hasnt been showing up to practice. I gave him a fair warning - "if you don't show up tonight, you're out", and yet he chose to not go. I'm going to hang out with him tonight to talk. I'd love to give him a final chance, but I cannot change the minds of the rest of the band. I wish he'd have listened to me when it really counted. This is rough. Any positive advice?

 

[Lionwing]

It's clearly his fault, why feel bad or guilty? And if he tries to make you feel that way then he is an idiot and not much of a friend in the first place. Maybe I'm just cold hearted.

 

[bryan_kilco]

I don't feel bad or guilty, it's just hard. He is super bummed, and yes - it is his own fault. Some other shit was involved as well, but I won't get into that. The fact of the matter is I said straight up "if you don't come with me to practice tonight, you're getting kicked out" and he chose to not go. Then about 2 hours later, I get a text saying he wants to jam with us and he gets in weird mindsets sometimes, etc, etc, feeling guilty and knowing he fucked up.

Just sad to see how much he improved in 2 years only to basically just let it go.

 

[Terminus]

I don't feel bad or guilty, it's just hard. He is super bummed, and yes - it is his own fault. Some other shit was involved as well, but I won't get into that. The fact of the matter is I said straight up "if you don't come with me to practice tonight, you're getting kicked out" and he chose to not go. Then about 2 hours later, I get a text saying he wants to jam with us and he gets in weird mindsets sometimes, etc, etc, feeling guilty and knowing he fucked up.

Just sad to see how much he improved in 2 years only to basically just let it go.

Sounds like a total flake. No offense to the guy personally but you either commit to it or you don't do it at all imo. Had a drummer a few years that got all pissy when we told him some different stuff to do on certain parts and then he flaked out and started playing in a pop punk band because it was "easier"...to get away with sucking.

 

[bryan_kilco]

I hear you. I've played in bands for like 14 years now. This guy had like 2 years experience, and it was all with us. He just didn't realize what it actually takes to make it work, I think. It just sucks. I personally hate trying to find new members and at the same time it makes me super anxious. We aren't in a big city here so it really is kind of tough. It's the thought of "what if it takes us 6-12 months to actually find someone decent that fits our style?" "what if it takes us another 6 months to realize this person isnt working out?" JUST started playing shows with a new bassist, too.

Such is life, I guess. Just tired of constant lineup changes and how it hinders writing/recording/shows.