Lord Of Metal
- Thread starter HemiGTX
- Start date
PlatypusJesus
A Dead Sun Serenity
Thank you. It's much appreciated. I was working on another story in the same style, but stopped the first sentence in because of a lack of inspiration. I'll finish it some day.
Dead_Lioness
Godless
LOM,
I'm so glad you're showing that one. It has so many layers, so many interpretations....so much depth. Your best to date, I don't know what you did, how you did it, but it turned out 100%.
I'm reading it again, since I lost that email.
Thanks, I appreciate everything LOM
I'm so glad you're showing that one. It has so many layers, so many interpretations....so much depth. Your best to date, I don't know what you did, how you did it, but it turned out 100%.
I'm reading it again, since I lost that email.
Thanks, I appreciate everything LOM
Kvlt Wench
sews no mercy
Seriously Jeremy, that was great. It inspired me to write something similar. :Spin:
The Spark
I. Rain
Her eyes were fire, and her eyelashes smoke. When she spoke, her voice was deep and feminine. I loved her; one day I would marry her.
We sat together on the stone wall that encircled the park by my home. When I looked at her, her eyes would melt the sun, and her laugh would dissipate all surrounding noise.
Ill give you immortality, I whispered.
She smiled and brought me into the rain. The water poured on her face, spreading black mascara down her cheeks. I pulled my fingers through her dark hair, and she took my hand in hers. She looked into my eyes, and I could feel them burning me.
Promise?
I nodded, and she kissed me. Her lips were soft, and damp with rainwater.
II. Showers
She lay next to me. I could feel her soft breathing; her breath smelled of cinnamon and burning embers. I gazed at her slender body; I saw the scars on her thighs and belly. She mustve noticed me, because she put her hand to my face, and pulled my gaze back to her fervent eyes, and spoke softly; Theyre going away.
I put my arms around her, and brought her closer to me. I placed one hand on her thigh, and she let out a small gasp in pain. They were still hurting her. I moved my hand away and pulled her closer to me, and drifted to sleep.
I was awakened by the heavy rain on the windowsill. She was no longer lying next to me. I stood up quickly, and noticed her pale figure leaning against the wall outside. I ran out the door and picked her up effortlessly; her body was cold and drenched. As I carried her back inside, her eyes fluttered open, and their blaze warmed both her and me up instantly.
III. Dry
She left me in March, when the rained stopped. Nobody knew where she went, and I spent my time waiting and burning candles with cinnamon to preserve the memory of her scent. I could never get it to smell just like she did.
Her phone was disconnected after two weeks. Still, I did not neglect to call her at least once a day, just in case she had returned.
Your eyes brought me warmth.
I kept speaking that to myself, over and over, as if she would hear and come back when she realized that I needed her.
They were as vehement as the sun.
IV. Summer
I didnt see her again until August. She was sitting on the stone wall, where we had once spent our days together. I barely recognized her, but when I said her name, she said mine in return. Her voice, which was once a deep fountain of melody, was now little more than a whisper. Even at my distance, I noticed how she smelled of dirty city streets. Her eyes were dull. The fire that had radiated her was gone, and she looked empty.
It was scorching on this late summer afternoon. She had always said that she hated warm weather. I could clearly see that her scars had spread to her neck, and down her arms. I had never seen anyone look so melancholy.
She came down from the wall, and handed me a sheet of paper, emotionless. Then she turned around and walked away rapidly.
Wait I said desperately, but she either did not hear, or simply did not care. I couldnt bring myself to run after her.
I looked at the sheet of paper that she had given me. It said only five words.
You didnt keep your promise.
The Spark
I. Rain
Her eyes were fire, and her eyelashes smoke. When she spoke, her voice was deep and feminine. I loved her; one day I would marry her.
We sat together on the stone wall that encircled the park by my home. When I looked at her, her eyes would melt the sun, and her laugh would dissipate all surrounding noise.
Ill give you immortality, I whispered.
She smiled and brought me into the rain. The water poured on her face, spreading black mascara down her cheeks. I pulled my fingers through her dark hair, and she took my hand in hers. She looked into my eyes, and I could feel them burning me.
Promise?
I nodded, and she kissed me. Her lips were soft, and damp with rainwater.
II. Showers
She lay next to me. I could feel her soft breathing; her breath smelled of cinnamon and burning embers. I gazed at her slender body; I saw the scars on her thighs and belly. She mustve noticed me, because she put her hand to my face, and pulled my gaze back to her fervent eyes, and spoke softly; Theyre going away.
I put my arms around her, and brought her closer to me. I placed one hand on her thigh, and she let out a small gasp in pain. They were still hurting her. I moved my hand away and pulled her closer to me, and drifted to sleep.
I was awakened by the heavy rain on the windowsill. She was no longer lying next to me. I stood up quickly, and noticed her pale figure leaning against the wall outside. I ran out the door and picked her up effortlessly; her body was cold and drenched. As I carried her back inside, her eyes fluttered open, and their blaze warmed both her and me up instantly.
III. Dry
She left me in March, when the rained stopped. Nobody knew where she went, and I spent my time waiting and burning candles with cinnamon to preserve the memory of her scent. I could never get it to smell just like she did.
Her phone was disconnected after two weeks. Still, I did not neglect to call her at least once a day, just in case she had returned.
Your eyes brought me warmth.
I kept speaking that to myself, over and over, as if she would hear and come back when she realized that I needed her.
They were as vehement as the sun.
IV. Summer
I didnt see her again until August. She was sitting on the stone wall, where we had once spent our days together. I barely recognized her, but when I said her name, she said mine in return. Her voice, which was once a deep fountain of melody, was now little more than a whisper. Even at my distance, I noticed how she smelled of dirty city streets. Her eyes were dull. The fire that had radiated her was gone, and she looked empty.
It was scorching on this late summer afternoon. She had always said that she hated warm weather. I could clearly see that her scars had spread to her neck, and down her arms. I had never seen anyone look so melancholy.
She came down from the wall, and handed me a sheet of paper, emotionless. Then she turned around and walked away rapidly.
Wait I said desperately, but she either did not hear, or simply did not care. I couldnt bring myself to run after her.
I looked at the sheet of paper that she had given me. It said only five words.
You didnt keep your promise.
MFJ
Active Member
Dead_Lioness
Godless
Kvlt Wench
sews no mercy
PlatypusJesus
A Dead Sun Serenity
A thousand "maybe tomorrow's" have past,
a life seen through the glass of an alcohol bottle,
a life sadly lived, a life disinigrating,
my name was and will always be: "will you get me a beer?"
her body withered, she can only feel in disease
maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow.
I'm no good at poetry, LOM, help me clean this up.
a life seen through the glass of an alcohol bottle,
a life sadly lived, a life disinigrating,
my name was and will always be: "will you get me a beer?"
her body withered, she can only feel in disease
maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow.
I'm no good at poetry, LOM, help me clean this up.
