Not sure if anyone was aware of this, but my good friend (and guitarist) Marc has started a website/facebook page called Metally Challenged, which is geared to be The Onion News of Rock & metal. Im not at a puter that will let me onto Facebook to post the link to the page, (I'll post it latter) but I was able to get this recent article copied and pasted through rather unconventional methods. I thought some here might find it amusing.
Top Ten Mike Portnoy Predictions
By:Marc Hanson - Metally Challenged
Mike Portnoy has been keeping plenty busy since leaving Dream Theater with Yellow Matter Custard dates, the Larue, Morse, Morse, Portnoy, McPherson project, a Russel Allen (Symphony X) collaboration, and one more "secret" project that was hinted at recently by Eddie Trunk. All of this, and he's still able to maintain the legal injunction that's keeping Dream Theater from announcing who their new drummer is (just my opinion). So what's next?
In no particular order, I give you...
Top Ten Portnoy Predictions:
10. Portnoy creates a new genre called "Choose Your Own Adventure Prog"
where halfway through each song fans get to choose what happens next.
Unfortunately none of those choices are "Please God, just let it end!"
9. In an effort to drive a wedge between Dream Theater and it's fan base, Portnoy announces that he is taking all of DT's fans to Disneyland.
Dream Theater responds by buying those same fans an Xbox.
8. Wife Marlene threatens to leave him after being told one too many times to "wear the 'Myung' wig tonight".
7. Releases a double album of nothing but crank calls to Kevin Moore.
6. Goes on tour with a group of musicians all of who are in their early twenties. Calls it: Portnoy's Avenged Sevenfold.
5. Feeling he still has more to say after completing the Twelve-step Suite, Portnoy lobbies AA to add a couple of more steps.
4. Files a restraining order against the entire MP.com forum after a particularly creepy "open letter to Mike Portnoy".
3. Adds one more tom to his drum kit. Total number of toms now equals 978.
2. Just out of sheer habit, Portnoy continues to plan the stage production and set lists for the next Dream Theater tour.
1. Has his name legally changed to Marco Minneman.
Top Ten Mike Portnoy Predictions
By:Marc Hanson - Metally Challenged
Mike Portnoy has been keeping plenty busy since leaving Dream Theater with Yellow Matter Custard dates, the Larue, Morse, Morse, Portnoy, McPherson project, a Russel Allen (Symphony X) collaboration, and one more "secret" project that was hinted at recently by Eddie Trunk. All of this, and he's still able to maintain the legal injunction that's keeping Dream Theater from announcing who their new drummer is (just my opinion). So what's next?
In no particular order, I give you...
Top Ten Portnoy Predictions:
10. Portnoy creates a new genre called "Choose Your Own Adventure Prog"
where halfway through each song fans get to choose what happens next.
Unfortunately none of those choices are "Please God, just let it end!"
9. In an effort to drive a wedge between Dream Theater and it's fan base, Portnoy announces that he is taking all of DT's fans to Disneyland.
Dream Theater responds by buying those same fans an Xbox.
8. Wife Marlene threatens to leave him after being told one too many times to "wear the 'Myung' wig tonight".
7. Releases a double album of nothing but crank calls to Kevin Moore.
6. Goes on tour with a group of musicians all of who are in their early twenties. Calls it: Portnoy's Avenged Sevenfold.
5. Feeling he still has more to say after completing the Twelve-step Suite, Portnoy lobbies AA to add a couple of more steps.
4. Files a restraining order against the entire MP.com forum after a particularly creepy "open letter to Mike Portnoy".
3. Adds one more tom to his drum kit. Total number of toms now equals 978.
2. Just out of sheer habit, Portnoy continues to plan the stage production and set lists for the next Dream Theater tour.
1. Has his name legally changed to Marco Minneman.
