New Liquor Labels
Due to increasing products liability litigation,
American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's
suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all booze containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell your friends over and over again that you love
them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you can logically converse with other members of
the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in
you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
roll over in the morning and see something really
scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading
cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees
and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and
better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a
disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps
of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause
pregnancy... and probably contributed to you being
there.
