Some funny shit
A couple of weeks back I went to my fiance's grandparents birthday party. Basically my limited spanish only allowed me to say Mucho Gusto and just stand there looking really fat, white and out of place, while Belen translated for me and her relatives and I had some limited conversation. It was awesome and since I come from a really small family Im pretty stoked to be joining a really large family. I decided since our kids are going to be raised bilingual and for the aspect of better communication I would go back to college to take Spanish classes.
I signed up online and sent in my application for $144 I was officially enrolled in the San Diego Community College system and picked my night time Spanish class. On Sunday only two days away from the start of school I decide I want to swing by the campus and find my class and check out the parking status. My class is in one of the temporary bungalos, I dont know about you, but in my old high school they put the retards and disabled in the bungalos while the rest of humanity got to roam the normal hallways. I decide I need to check out the inside situation just to see what kind of desks they have available and Im fucking shocked to find out they have those tiny ass combination chair/desks and there is NO WAY im fitting my fat ass in one of those chairs for 4 hours a week.
I instantly start sweating because Im envisioning walking into class my first day and having everyone look at the old fat tattooed dude who now has to cram his fat ass into a seat. Odd that someone who "doesnt give a fuck about anything" in reality gives a fuck about alot of random non sensical shit. Its so bad that I cant really sleep because I'm obsessing about my first day of class and how Im going to feel humiliated. This pretty much ruined my holiday because I couldnt call up the school and see if they could do something to accomodate one of their students.
Let me tell you arriving at the school parking lot 15 minutes before class starts only to find that every single spot is taken and it took me 20 sweaty minutes of weaving in and out of these huge packed lot to wedge my ride into a tiny ass spot. I now have to walk my fat ass across the parking lot towards the Tard Bungalo to begin my career as a Spanish Speaker. The long walk gave me some time to think about how my day went...
Earlier that day, I had take a break from work and go hide in a conference room while I call up the college, its bad enough I have to make this call, the last thing I need is my nosey ass coworkers listening in and asking questions. So I call up the college and talk to some girl and explain that Im a new student and that I cant fit in the desk and Im requesting the college put in a special desk for me. She says hold on and I get transferred.
Another lady picks up the phone and asks for my name and student ID and I explain exactly what I need and the reason for it. She says she cant find me in the system and is perplexed and asks if Ive been down to the center to talk with my counselor. I tell her no I just signed up online and didnt know I had a counselor.
SHE INFORMS ME ALL DISABLED STUDENTS HAVE THEIR OWN COUNSELOR.........
NOW IM FUCKING DISABLED? Are you fucking kidding me? Im just fat. I explain to her that Im not disabled Im just requesting a larger desk since I cant fit in the desks they have. Now she cant assist me since im technically not disabled I just have special needs and Im transferred to yet another woman and for the third time I have to explain my dilemma and my needs and she tells me shes not sure if they can help me out but she will call around and call me later for an update. An hour later she calls and tells me there will be a special larger desk placed in the classroom for me and it will be reserved for me.
Adding to my anxiety now I have these visions of this special huge desk in the middle of the classroom with a placard or a tent on it stating my name and that no one is allowed to sit there, that people will be milling in and wonder why they cant have that desk and who the hell is coming that needs that desk.
Im now 7 minutes late for class,sweaty and out of breath as I hit the doorway and yep, every motherfucker and the teacher in that room is now checking me out since Im the crazy looking tattooed guy who is not only huge but late and to top things off he is saying my name on the role just as I walk towards my special desk.
My special desk was seriously 4 inches higher than any other desk, it had a chair that wasnt connected and was placed first chair in the first row so that everyone walking into that class had to walk by it to get to their spot. How did I and everyone else know that it was my desk? There was an 8x11 piece of paper taped with BROWN PACKING TAPE all around it and the paper said Desk reserved for Disabled Student and had my name written in pen MISPELLED no less. So now my anxiety is ten fold because not only did people know that there was a disabled desk that was huge they couldnt sit in but they were now looking at me sit down trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
After getting settled and while the teacher explained the syllabus I looked around the room to see who was in my class and people watch only to be met with 2 glares from 2 different dudes...WHO WERE FATTER THAN ME and were wedged in their tiny ass desks looking way uncomfortable and looking at me like Im the asshole for thinking I had special needs when all I really needed was a salad and a treadmill
A couple of weeks back I went to my fiance's grandparents birthday party. Basically my limited spanish only allowed me to say Mucho Gusto and just stand there looking really fat, white and out of place, while Belen translated for me and her relatives and I had some limited conversation. It was awesome and since I come from a really small family Im pretty stoked to be joining a really large family. I decided since our kids are going to be raised bilingual and for the aspect of better communication I would go back to college to take Spanish classes.
I signed up online and sent in my application for $144 I was officially enrolled in the San Diego Community College system and picked my night time Spanish class. On Sunday only two days away from the start of school I decide I want to swing by the campus and find my class and check out the parking status. My class is in one of the temporary bungalos, I dont know about you, but in my old high school they put the retards and disabled in the bungalos while the rest of humanity got to roam the normal hallways. I decide I need to check out the inside situation just to see what kind of desks they have available and Im fucking shocked to find out they have those tiny ass combination chair/desks and there is NO WAY im fitting my fat ass in one of those chairs for 4 hours a week.
I instantly start sweating because Im envisioning walking into class my first day and having everyone look at the old fat tattooed dude who now has to cram his fat ass into a seat. Odd that someone who "doesnt give a fuck about anything" in reality gives a fuck about alot of random non sensical shit. Its so bad that I cant really sleep because I'm obsessing about my first day of class and how Im going to feel humiliated. This pretty much ruined my holiday because I couldnt call up the school and see if they could do something to accomodate one of their students.
Let me tell you arriving at the school parking lot 15 minutes before class starts only to find that every single spot is taken and it took me 20 sweaty minutes of weaving in and out of these huge packed lot to wedge my ride into a tiny ass spot. I now have to walk my fat ass across the parking lot towards the Tard Bungalo to begin my career as a Spanish Speaker. The long walk gave me some time to think about how my day went...
Earlier that day, I had take a break from work and go hide in a conference room while I call up the college, its bad enough I have to make this call, the last thing I need is my nosey ass coworkers listening in and asking questions. So I call up the college and talk to some girl and explain that Im a new student and that I cant fit in the desk and Im requesting the college put in a special desk for me. She says hold on and I get transferred.
Another lady picks up the phone and asks for my name and student ID and I explain exactly what I need and the reason for it. She says she cant find me in the system and is perplexed and asks if Ive been down to the center to talk with my counselor. I tell her no I just signed up online and didnt know I had a counselor.
SHE INFORMS ME ALL DISABLED STUDENTS HAVE THEIR OWN COUNSELOR.........
NOW IM FUCKING DISABLED? Are you fucking kidding me? Im just fat. I explain to her that Im not disabled Im just requesting a larger desk since I cant fit in the desks they have. Now she cant assist me since im technically not disabled I just have special needs and Im transferred to yet another woman and for the third time I have to explain my dilemma and my needs and she tells me shes not sure if they can help me out but she will call around and call me later for an update. An hour later she calls and tells me there will be a special larger desk placed in the classroom for me and it will be reserved for me.
Adding to my anxiety now I have these visions of this special huge desk in the middle of the classroom with a placard or a tent on it stating my name and that no one is allowed to sit there, that people will be milling in and wonder why they cant have that desk and who the hell is coming that needs that desk.
Im now 7 minutes late for class,sweaty and out of breath as I hit the doorway and yep, every motherfucker and the teacher in that room is now checking me out since Im the crazy looking tattooed guy who is not only huge but late and to top things off he is saying my name on the role just as I walk towards my special desk.
My special desk was seriously 4 inches higher than any other desk, it had a chair that wasnt connected and was placed first chair in the first row so that everyone walking into that class had to walk by it to get to their spot. How did I and everyone else know that it was my desk? There was an 8x11 piece of paper taped with BROWN PACKING TAPE all around it and the paper said Desk reserved for Disabled Student and had my name written in pen MISPELLED no less. So now my anxiety is ten fold because not only did people know that there was a disabled desk that was huge they couldnt sit in but they were now looking at me sit down trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
After getting settled and while the teacher explained the syllabus I looked around the room to see who was in my class and people watch only to be met with 2 glares from 2 different dudes...WHO WERE FATTER THAN ME and were wedged in their tiny ass desks looking way uncomfortable and looking at me like Im the asshole for thinking I had special needs when all I really needed was a salad and a treadmill
Even though they didnt know right away (Thank you DNA!!)
. I was doing good and hadn't had a cig for almost a month and a half. Then one my best friends passed away and I was smoking again.
It was hard, but I picked up a new bad habit, alcoholism + english beer.
