O/T A bad joke

[eighteeschick]

Its time for astronauts to make another trip to the moon. After they land, they come across a female body. One astronaut says to the other: Oh, its Alice Kramden.

I heard this one from my boss today. You were warned it was a bad one.

Question: What the hell is an "erm" face?

 

[mrthrax]

hmm i think i know u well enough to get away with this joke,why did the woman cross the road......thats not the point what was she doing outta the kitchen

pleasae dont bash me lol

 

[eighteeschick]

Funny, very funny. I'll let you slide with that one.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

ewwwwww

 

[spitzs lazy eye]

What do women and tornados have in common?
When they cum they're screaming and when they leave they take the house.

 

[eighteeschick]

What do women and tornados have in common?
When they cum they're screaming and when they leave they take the house.

That one made me laugh out loud. Good one.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

 

[spitzs lazy eye]

Meanwhile at a international spy convention the English man introduces himself to a Muslim. "My name is Bond, James Bond". The Muslim replies, "my name is Tuffa, Mus-Tuffa".

 

[MetalThrasher442]

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.

She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, and says, "Well that's great. Some asshole's got my pen."

 

[MetalThrasher442]

Ok...this ones long, but bare with me its a great joke.

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for early retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officers got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider, explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop em", which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Captain's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The Captain calmly replied..."In Vietnam."

 

[Social Distortion]

"In Vietnam."

I saw that coming! Still pretty good.

 

[Miltbrand]

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

So they can stand a bit closer to the cooker!

 

[remington69]

Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

 

[dailyvault]

Here's one I used on the air Tuesday night... still surprised I didn't get some complaints. Guessing most people didn't get the joke...

You know the situation in the world is bad when it affects your daily life. I went to Arby's, and ordered a French Dip... and they burned it.

(pause for groans)

 

[MyHatred]

How did the gay guy know that his boyfriend was cheating on him?

He came home shit faced.

You said it was a bad joke thread so that is about as bad as they come

 

[Miltbrand]

Worst joke ever:

What do you call an ugly russian woman?

Moss-Cow.

 

[thraxx]

Its time for astronauts to make another trip to the moon. After they land, they come across a female body. One astronaut says to the other: Oh, its Alice Kramden.

I heard this one from my boss today. You were warned it was a bad one.

Question: What the hell is an "erm" face?

We are aging ourselves aren't we!!!!!

 

[eighteeschick]

We are aging ourselves aren't we!!!!!

 

[Bass Fellow]

From Sarah Silverman as quoted in Rolling Stone:
"I asked my girlfriend what was the best way to practice safe sex? She said that she just has her boyfriend cum on her face."

 

[Mickenglanduk]

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.

She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, and says, "Well that's great. Some asshole's got my pen."

That is a funny joke

 

[MetalThrasher442]

That is a funny joke

thanx my good friend.

 

[DumbAss]

When asked why so many of his platoon's casualties were black, The Sergant said, " every time I yelled "GET DOWN!", the black guys would all start dancing!"