A Drummer went to buy a new car, he only had two hundred quid so he goes to see a pal that was into selling second hand junkers.
"Hi Mac," he says. "What have you got that's real cool for two hundred quid?"
"Well," says his mate "I've got a beauty out back a real bargain. It's an old Jag, beautiful condition..."
"What's the catch?" says the Drummer
"No catch at all," says Mac
"Oh there is just one little thing missing though," says Mac
"What's that then?" asked the Drummer
"It ain't got any doors," says Mac
"That's no good is it," says the Drummer, "How the heck am I going to get in?"
Two drummers meet while walking down the street.
One of them asks, " What you got in that bag?"
The other one replies: "Chickens"
"Can I have one?" asks the first drummer.
The second drummer replies, "If you can guess how many chickens are in this bag, then I'll give you both of them."
How many drummers are necessary to screw a lightbulb?
Ten drummers, one to hold the lamp with his hands and nine to turn the room.
How do you drive a drummer insane?
Lock him up in a round room and tell him there's pizza in the corner.
How do you know your restroom has a straight floor?
A drummer has peed on both sides of the toiletseat.
The band was pissed off coz the producer would always take off early on Fridays for lunch and not return till Monday.
After several weeks of this, the band decided that if the producer was going to take off early, so would they.
Sure enough, that Friday the producer dissapeared, so the band decided to take off.
The Singer went to a movie, the Bassist went to a nudie bar, the Guitarists went to a medievall joust and the Drummer decided just to go home. When the Drummer got home, he found his wife in bed with the producer. The Drummer was mortified and shocked and walked around town moping.
The next Friday, the same thing happened with the producer leaving early. "Well Mate," said the Singer, "shall we take off early again?" "You guys go ahead," said the Drummer, "I almost got caught last week."
A very worried bass player is strolling along a beach in California. He steps on something hard, and picks it up. It's a lamp. He rubs it, and a genie pops out.
"I am the genie of the lamp and I grant you one wish".
"I think", the bass player says, "that I'd like to go to Hawaii one day. But I get airsick and seasick. I'd like you to build a bridge so I could drive over."
The genie thinks this over, and gently explains that it would be almost impossible, with labour costs what they are and the sea as deep as it is.
"In that case, how about this. Our drummer never writes any songs. I'd like you to make him write a song."
The genie ponders for a bit, then asks, "This bridge....you want it two-lane or four-lane?"
A scientist did some research in the field of animal behaviour, and decided to run a test with dogs. His research showed that after a certain period of time, the dogs started to assume certain habits from their masters. Thus he filled a room with bones, and examined how different dogs reacted to the sight. First he let an architecht's dog examine the pile of bones. The dog constructed a fine model of a city out of the bones, complete with streets and parks. The scientist was intrigued, and made notes out of the whole process. He reassembled the bones in a huge pile, and let a mathematician's dog loose. After sniffing at the bones the dog split the pile in two identical piles, then split those two piles, and so forth until the room was filled with 64 identical piles, all in a symmetrical order. The scientist was overjoyed, and again scribbled some notes out of the experiment, and reassembled the bones in a single pile. Then he let a drummer's dog examine the bones... Or would have, but the dog came a couple of hours late, ate all the bones, fucked the two other dogs, and took the rest of the day off.
There was this drummer in music class who really liked to play jokes on people, particularily the pianist. One day, after a very crude joke, the pianist got really pissed off and decided to get back at the drummer.So the next day, he came to class very early and hid one of the drummer's drum sticks. When the drummer got to class, he noticed that he only had one drum stick and started celebrating and laughing like a maniac.
The painist then asked, "What's so funny?" to which the drummer replied, "I've been promoted to conductor!"
Man went to school to learn how to play bass. At first lesson they learned to play "domp" "domp" domp". At second lesson they learned "domp" "domp" "dompdi" "domp". Couple of weeks later the man didn't show up for a third lesson, the teacher called him and asked for reason. "I've been too busy with touring" -answered the man.
A drummer was broke. In order to raise some money, he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." He then wrote a note saying,"I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A drummer".
The drummer then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the drummer checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The drummer opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow drummer?"
How do you know It's a drummer that's faxing you?
There'll be a stamp on the upper right corner
Son to his mother: "Mom, when I grow up I want to be a bassist!"
Mother to her son: "Well you can't do both."
Why did the bassist stare at the orange juice?
Because it said concentrate on the carton.
