ohhhh I'm in pain constantly

Will Bozarth

Will Bozarth

Everlasting Godstopper
Jan 26, 2002
32,420
203
63
38
New Jersey
www.facebook.com
I have 3 of 4 bulging disks in my back, sciatica (which causes pain and numbness down my legs from my ass for those of you who are uneducated), my upper back is in pain, and I have to get that checked out. my sternim is twisted due to me being stupid when I was younger, and I cannot take full breaths of air.

I am getting arthritis in my hands, ankles, toes/feet, elbows, and my neck. My family has a history of diabetis and heart conditions, so I'm worried about that, too. My knees constantly give out when I'm walking, and it is very uncomfortable to sit or stand for prolonged periods of time (sciatica related). I project that I will be in a wheelchair by time I'm 25.

I have very minimal friends, only one of which actually calls me to do shit (Mike). I am constantly lonely, and do not feel that any of my "friends" give a shit about me, and I honestly don't think it would make a difference in their life if I died. Adding to my loneliness, I have no girlfriend.

My band is going nowhere, yet I still have hopes. I wanted to go to college for Musical Education, going 5 years for my Master of the Arts in Teaching degree... In order to go to the college (University of the Arts in Philadelphia), I'd have to sight-read guitar. I've been working on it, and I cannot do it. My brain doesn't work fast enough. There goes my goal that I've had since sophomore year.

THIS, MEPHISTOPHILIAC, is what it would look like if I were to bitch. I choose not to bitch, because it is not worth the time, because what the fuck can YOU people do about it? I also don't BITCH because I am used to all of this shit by now. So, before you point a finger and say that I'm bitching about something... THINK.

-Will
 
wow, man i had no clue about this. i didnt think the comment i made would be taken so seriously. and i apologize for stressing you out more than you need to be. i hope you'll be over this soon, i cant even imagine what you're going through.
 
Its not that I dont feel for you... but you cant type up a huge bitchfest like that (which Im assuming is your true feelings) and then just write it off in the last sentence and claim that you dont bitch.
I dont mean any negitivity, its just throwing me off a little.
By the way, Im sorry about your situation, sounds like it sucks, but the only person who can do anything about any of those problems is you (and Im sure you already know that).
 
Oh, that whole post was intended as bitching. In a previous thread, he told me to print something out, and i said I don't feel like going up and down the steps because I have bad knees and a bad back. I wasn't bitching then, I was telling the truth and explaining... then he called me a "bitching betty".... sooo I decided to post this and show him what me bitching looks like
 
I was told today I might have diabetes AND a kidney stone. Along side of that, I need ano operation on both knees and my shoulder... I have arthritis in my fingers, hands, wrists, neck, toes and ankles. I have IBS, an overactive bladder, migranes, and have suffered with a chemical imbalance causing depression over the past 5 years.

Hopefully it'll make you feel a tiny bit better knowing you're not the ONLY one who has problems.

Second of all, hearing that you have problems with "friends", thats because you don't get out there and MEET people. You can't expect people or girls to come up to YOU and break the ice, thats your job. Make the iniciative and you'd be suprised. Look at my situation. ;)
 
I never read that...

But I fucked up the nerve in my left arm two days ago so I couldn't move it. But now it's ok, only the skin on palmaric side can't feel anything... :(
 
A vent thread, eh? I'm game, it's been a bad night.

I have ADD(like lizard) and it truly makes me feel stupid. I have to mentally work 3x as hard as everyone else to just be on par with them. Medications help, but they also make me feel like a retard to have to depend on a pill. That and once my insurance runs out at 23, and i'll have to pay well over 100 dollars a month to continue using them. They should just call it rich people drugs.

Apparantly(according to my parents) I had depression when I was a younger(because I had no friends) so they and the doctor put me on a series of antidepressants. That, combined with the ADD medications they had me on, fucked with my brain chemistry permanantly(90% sure anyway). My mood is always either apathetic, or depressed. I'm numb to emotion(the only thing that makes me feel emotion anymore is music). There ain't no middle or high road anymore.

I've been fat all my life. Since losing all my weight(over 100lbs) i'm probably gonna have to pay 15 grand on a operation to remove all the sagging skin I now have. With the job I have, it'll take years to pay it off. Hooray for 5+ more years of living at home.

I have a nagging low self esteem and a dragging cynical attitude that was installed by my father(thanks, you jaded bastard!). I truly don't want to live past the age of 35-40 years old. There just ain't no point or place for me to live past that.

All of what I just wrote pretty much makes me half a person. In my eyes, at least.

Sorry if I sound emo. I thought kids who listen to metal were supposed to be tough. Where's my razor?
 
lizard said:
I've had ADD my entire life, never outgrew it, I could go on medication but my doctor said it would aggravate my depression, PLUS lessen the creativity that ADD tends to give you.
Click to expand...

Same problem on my end... doctor put me on drugs once, biiiiiiiig mistake. While I was on them I pretty much refused to even leave my bed, every once in a while going onto the computer, then soon returning to my bed.

Other problems currently include my allergies to the weirdest shit: Red dye 40 and 3 (used in a lot of candies and such), which makes my add flare up really bad so I can't focus on a thing for a few hours (of course, I still eat it), some ingredient in whiskey and most bourbons (not sure what ingredient though) which makes me very bi-polar, even after just a shot (of course, I also don't refrain from drinking sometimes, since I enjoy the taste of a nice whiskey), and my allergy to something in mayo (yes, mayo) which makes my throat swell up to the point I have a hard time breathing.

Then of course theres the severe alcoholism. Tried quiting drinking a few months back, and it was going good for 2 months, then I left the house...

Oh and smoking, thats a big problem too. Try quiting about once a month, but that lasts about a day tops.

Not to mention a nice stint of a depression i'm going through right now based on quite a few problems (which include being fired, living in utah, and getting kicked outta me house in a few weeks)

But ya know, life is full of shitty hands, just gotta play em till something good comes along, whenever it may be.
 
Wow, everyone is so sickly. I'm so sorry:(
I don't have any of those problems. I'm relatively healthy right now except for this damn cold. My issues are all emotional. like I don't like where I live, although I'm going to be changing that in January:)

and Will If you lived by me I'd be your friend in a heartbeat. And that goes for all of you, you guys all rock!!

Kevin, I don't believe that comment.
 
derek said:
You have real friends here, buddy AND I know for a fact they care what happens to you.
Click to expand...
+ a few milllion.

when i\'m depressed i usually listen the following songs in this order and it fixes me
metallica-fade to black---gets all my emotional shit outside of me
nevermore-no more will---it is a transitition between depression and feeling better
nevermore-death of passion-pumps me up and understands my sorrow (my depressions are mostly girls related and quite rare
nevermore beyond within-makes me forget about shit
sepultura-arise--it is like boose, at the end of the guitar solo i\'m pumped so much i want more, so i go out hang out with my friends and feel good and forget the pain for a few hours.
now i need a nobel prize for this method.

now it is my turn to rant in this thread.
i\'m 16 and i had8 surgeries in my life. that is mostly because of my genes, me being a retard and one extra surgery because the doctor was a retard.
the first 3 where done before i was 5 and i don\'t remember anything. i dunno how they are called in english and my romanian-english dictionary is not nearby...
the 4th one was to have my apendix removed
the 5th one was 3 years ago, surgery on my pinky on my right hand, i had 2 double fractures on my pinky.
the 6th one last year broke my wrist on my left hand so they had to do a surgery kinda thing to put it back together.
7th one same thing as previous, because the doctors fucked up
8th one, oh shit, forgot how to count

i\'m lucky i don\'t have ADD, and i\'m not depressed by nature. by nature i\'m an ambitious person

now about friends and shit.
so i am verry happy right now in Romania where i am for the moment (visiting). I am hanging out with my friends that i kept in touch via the internet while i was in US. We are all friends since 1st fucking grade, and we are now high school sophmores here (i\'m a junior in us). We\'ve done the most craziest shit toghether and whenever one of us was in shit we were all for one and one for all. That is how we got through 8th grade. And we still are
that way. We call each other to do shit, crazy shit daily. I\'m probably having the best time of my life (nevermore shows are not included in time).
Different fucking story in the US. I suddenly realized that in there i don\'t have friends, and people don\'t find me that friendly. and i dunno WTF is that there. i am not a bitch, bastard whatever. I made one friend, but he sometimes is an asshole....i mean i talk to people, but sometimes i am really scared to talk to people who i don\'t know. I mean i need to talk about some common thing between us, like weather, math teacher, nevermore, whatever so i can start talking. i dunno why is that. I didn\'t managed to get a girlfriend there. I can speak english good. Fuck it i had a B average score in language arts in 10th grade in the us, and that is because i decided not to do a project in the first semester. In here (romania) i can have a girlfriend any time i want, but i want a girl to love and shit, but it wouldn\'t be to hard to find the right person here, while there i dunno....Maybe i\'am not using the right words with girls in english and i don\'t realize it. P.S. i don\'t have a mexican accent in english.

Anyway in september i am going back to seattle, that is what my mom decided. And i think she is the biggest retard for that decision.
In romania my familly has a really good financial status. My dad owns a meat processing facility and makes salami, and his bussiness is the only one running in constanta after eliminating the competition through hardwork and my mom had/has a brilliant carreer in here at the university of constanta, while at the UW she is just a TA right now and is working at a phd in there, although she had a phd in romania 6 years ago. In here my familly makes 4000euros a month as a whole (i\'m not try to show off or something) while in h the us (where only me and my mom live w/o my dad) my mom makes 2000$ a month and my dad sends me 1000$ a month, which are taken away by mom pretty quick. Well time will tell if i will make friends/start a band/get a girlfriend in seattle starting september and on. I will apply for WA state residency and a green card so i can get a job and show a big middle finger to my mom when i will get myself a loomis signature guitar with my own money and a car.

any suggestions?
o yeah, i won\'t waste any chance to see nevermore next year.
paul
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Reminiscence
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm in pain constantly.
Replies
68
Views
3K
Nevermore
dreaming neon darkspot
D
M
OHHHH GOD
Replies
12
Views
1K
Dark Tranquillity
hyena
H
dreaming neon darkspot
pain in my eye (seriously, kinda worried)
Replies
41
Views
2K
Nevermore
dreaming neon darkspot
D
Dead Winter
Jon Oliva's Pain
Replies
10
Views
632
Nevermore
metalized
M
P
What I'm feeling...
Replies
36
Views
2K
Nevermore
PlatypusJesus
P
Top Bottom