Opeth based/inspired poem

[Towelie]

I'm a creative writing major and I just wrote a new poem that uses a few of my favorite Opeth quotes. I purposely put them in here... I'm not stealing them... I just wanted to write this to kinda express why I love Opeth. Here goes...

Bleak

In a mystical land,
far away...
The forest of forever
unfolds before the Demon

Corridors of mythical redwoods
tower above to impossible heights.
No light shines,
a jungle of darkness.

'Tis a land of fantasy,
a rotting in the earth.
Evil in control,
waiting hopelessly for it's hero.

The sun does shine,
however a deep, forbidden red.
The crimson ball ablaze,
outlining ink black mountains.

'Tis a savage land,
trolls and mutants roaming
delivering misfortune
to all who pass.

Oily pools of water...
poor excuses for lakes.
Deformed reptiles leap,
as eerie circles ripple upon the satin surface.

Seasons in constant change,
I wander through White Summer.
Red eyes prowl the scene,
careful to find my way back home.

Black magic...
coarsing through my veins.
I am a warlock,
the emperor of a twisted world.

It was me,
peering through the looking glass.
Watching over the macarbe,
suppressing celestial touch.

Creatures shy away,
staring in awe from a distance.
My features confined,
hiding beneath the cloak.

I travel deceptively,
passing swiftly through the valley.
Moving towards my kingdom,
the abandoned castle of my dreams.

I keep the forest dark,
the sun a blazing red.
Armageddon but a legend,
all fate now within my hold.

The castle now close,
last step towards the immortal.
Hand in pocket,
grasping golden key.

It's power clutches me,
alive within itself.
Part of the living soul,
final obstacle to absolute power.

I pass through desert,
approaching fabled coast.
The final stop in sight,
I close my eyes and breath the sin.

The castle on the cliff
beckons it's new master.
The dark one presents the key,
auras now becoming one.

Silent dance with death,
hopes of a savior... gone.
He makes his coronation,
creeping along the endless staircase.

A devlish grin,
sick dreams of triumph.
The key joins door,
prophecy now complete.

Eyes closed,
I let darkness in my lungs.
My palace now engulfs me,
together we breath as one.

Joined in unholy sacrament,
the world is now mine.
This marriage...
a love affair for the ages.

His throne now awaits,
black thorns coat in full.
An eternity he sits,
and with the world, too he dies.

-Zack Hargrove

Songs used - The Amen Corner, When, Godhead's Lament, The Moor, Demon of the Fall

Thank you Opeth for your constant inspiration.

Please tell me what you think!

 

[The Suicider]

Words that come to mind after reading that: gay, ridiculous, gay, pathetic, gay, unoriginal, gay... etc.
What grade are you in, 5?

 

[Towelie]

I pity you and your lack of intelligence... I weep for you... that's all that needs to be said.

 

[BillowOfZeal]

Originally posted by The Suicider
Words that come to mind after reading that: gay, ridiculous, gay, pathetic, gay, unoriginal, gay... etc.
What grade are you in, 5?

None of that poem is as GAY as your name, "The suicider" What the hell is that ...and...it is not as GAY as what you were listening too ....you might as well embrace your name and act upon it ...i am never this negative on this forum but your response to Towlie was uncalled for and in closing i would like to laugh some more
jAY

 

[mindflesh]

Hmm if you don't like it, I'd suggest you would say WHY you don't like it. I don't consider "gay, ridiculous,..." constructive criticism, not even criticism, just plain flaming.

Anyway, it's nice; it's much like some story. But I don't think I'm a reference since English isn't my mother tongue

 

[Lakestream]

I wrote this for that game of poetry that was here a while
ago


words: nectar, april, ethereal, morning, orchid

This ethereal april morning
calmness everywhere
The scent of orchid's nectar
fills the languid air

Time has ceased to move
beneath this solar flare
Breath in the fresh and clean
and watch the pure and fair

The scent of orchid's nectar
fills the languid air
Time has ceased to move
beneath this solar flare

Breath in the fresh and clean
and watch the fair and pure
This ethereal april morning
Feel the beauty soar

 

[mindflesh]

yay...great... you know I like poems that rhyme more than ones that don't

 

[Towelie]

Hey guys... thanks for all your support... I've been on this board for about a half a month now and all I've been greeted is with kindness... I don't know what's wrong with that guy, but it was annoying.

 

[mindflesh]

Well that's the difference from the opeth board to other boards, that flaming is the exception here

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

It's probably hatebringer on a different name

 

[The Suicider]

"that guy" just happens to have the guts to say what's on his mind. Look how many people read this thread and look how many actually replied with feedback. I'm guessing they live by the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" quote.

Sorry, I just tend to hate poetry. Not because I don't understand it, but because anything (ie. complete crap) can make sense given the right amount of thought. What I read above just sounds like a bunch of BS put together just to sound good. I'm not saying you didn't put any thought into it, but it's just all over the place (pretty much like Opeth songs, heh.. so hey, you were inspired by them alright)

It's a lot harder to write a short poem that gets right to the point apposed to a long, complex one.

 

[Towelie]

I still have yet to see the reason how this makes it gay... or how it makes it look i'm in 5th grade... just because you don't like it?? Wow... that's a pretty stupid argument... i guess everything you don't like or think is stupid is gay... congrats!! YOU'RE A WINNER!

 

[Clayman]

That poem was decent.

 

[Lina]

Originally posted by The Suicider
Sorry, I just tend to hate poetry. Not because I don't understand it, but because anything (ie. complete crap) can make sense given the right amount of thought. What I read above just sounds like a bunch of BS put together just to sound good. I'm not saying you didn't put any thought into it, but it's just all over the place (pretty much like Opeth songs, heh.. so hey, you were inspired by them alright)

It's a lot harder to write a short poem that gets right to the point apposed to a long, complex one.

wow, someone's left-brained! While I think that was unnecessarily rude ("having the guts" to say what's on your mind is not always something to be proud of), I admit that I feel the same way about poetry. (Still like me, Towelie? ) What other people find "deep" I often just see as flowery diarrhea.

I'm not knocking your poem at all, by the way. If I cared for poetry, I would like it. However, I DO appreciate the inspiration that Opeth provides you with and the care you took to write that. So thanks for sharing it with us. And there are many other writers on this board who have shared nice stuff.

 

[moonchild]

have to say i did think it was a lil cheesy towelie, im not knockin it, i prolly couldnt do ne better, keep writing though, its a good release, and as long as you like it who cares what other people think

 

[moonchild]

while on here i came up with a lil ditty:

carve the cross upon my arm,
yielding to its deadly charm,
fall into a steady slumber,
going deeper,
going under.

all that is is all i see,
live this life long AGONY...

well thats as far as i got, too depressed to write any more

 

[moonchild]

hmm.. maybe we should have a competition to see who can write the cheesiest poem/lyrics, come on place yer bets!

 

[Misanthrope]

Perpetual Night we face
Dread of the week, thou art condemned
I am the one who fear not this night
For the ways of the soul are beyond my wrath

The night we share, thy deepest fear
Prelude to darkness, that burn entangle
The precious dreams, Damned be the gloom
Embrace the end, Fear not the dream
For the very death beholds thee
Thou art condemned

There is no life in me, dismal hope feeds me
Like the vastness infinite, my darkness overwhelms me
The boundary of time, 'tis but a mockery of energy
That feeds the void in me, where a soul once lived
Look at me, look at my heart
this dark faith, Will be hold not
My sin 'tis but a taste of what
awaits thee now, I am thy destiny
Thou art condemned...
Thou art Me!

Now shun, away whit thee!
Night is here for thou and me
The very energy that consumes thy soul
is thy only way to breath

Feel the agony, everlasting
Time is stopped not, by thy foolish hope

This do ends here, but think not of
The wicked ones, that destroyed thy soul
Do what thou most, become what thou most
The beast that preys, on the ways of the light

We most destroy, all that is pure
For 'tis but a lie, that sickens me

Energy of the chaos time
Force within that seeks the dark
Murder of light

There is no life in me, dismal hope feeds me
Like the vastness infinite, my darkness overwhelms me
The boundary of time, 'tis but a mockery of energy
That feeds the void in me, where a soul once lived

Look at me, look at my heart
this dark faith, Will be hold not
My sin 'tis but a taste of what
awaits thee now, I am thy destiny
Thou art condemned...
Thou art Me!


Those are the actual lyrics from one of my songs
here are ones a little more personal

I Stand

I stand, in the deep place
that no one can reach
where life comes to die
where i am not, still

Think nothing, do nothing
Step aside, One more time
As you realize this at last
When my last breath has died

Infinite torture, forever in pain
Words mean nothing, nor would they ever will
Strikes again, apears from nowhere
No one know, this is myself
No one See, this is my mind
Why can you see
why cant you hate Me

It takes all that is left
Consumes my hope, destroys myself
Eating my light, devours the heart
Within a minute, leaves me behind

And then I stand Ready to Die

Because i can never win
Because i can never hide
It just fogs my mind
Until the minutes pass
I tried to run away
I tried to face it again
And again it overtakes
And again i cry
There was something left to try
There was a way, a life
Then it blows in my face
And my path its far away
Should i even stand up?
Should i even care for myself?
If i cannot hold to this
i wonder if this is when

It Ends

The last battle lost
The last hope dead
Where I stop caring
Where I stand...

Until The end...

 

[Lina]

damn, what's wrong with you people? since when is it ok to be so fucking rude?

i don't see how his poem is any different from mikael's lyrics, and i know y'all love those.

geez.

 

[Downfall]

...And isn't Halford pretty gay?...