Opeth inspired poem

[billyneverdies]

I entered winter once again
But this time shall be the last
My final confrontation with the past

Decrepit body's lay beneath the icy surface
Fulfilling their final purpose
To remind he whoever passes here
That so shall his

A thousand corpses well preserved
Of those condemned from birth
And although they came from all corners of the earth
One thing they shared, and one thing alone
They had an ending, well deserved

And now I too shall meet this fate
For living my live in seething hate
And I too came here to clean the slate
For this icy hell, is where final judgment is received
A place where the gods debate

Terrified to my very soul, the final steps I now take
And there sat a terrible creature, spawned forth from the frozen lake
It let out a schreeching howl, and a devastating rake
And shred me to pieces, as They had decided
It did not take Them long to decide my sake

And so I too, was buried beneath the icy earth
As I was too, condemned from birth
And so I too, had an ending well deserved


And yet again, a fair judgment was served

if i could stick my pretty litte nose in here for just one moment [/arrested development] why the hell should anyone give the guy feedback when his poem is blatant plagiarism?

Jesus Christ, people, offer some constructive criticism or just shut the fuck up. It's not like any of you could do better.

i could, and have.

 

[billyneverdies]

I also like to write,
Here's a few of mine
A bit less evil as your poem's,
hope you don't take it as cheesy:

i enjoyed those. i can tell you didn't just copy and paste from www.darklyrics.com and/or mindlessly use every big, poetic parole you've ever heard. it seems your poetry is introspective and relatively deep. i can definitely appreciate that.

in terms of the actual writing, you have a nice vocabulary but some parts get too straight forward and break up the flow. otherwise good.

 

[Alteredmindeath]

here is one of mine inspired by Opeth...

another year fades my body away
another day of bodily decay
my face turns wrinkled and gray
I watch and wait for the day
the day my soul stops and starts to decay
day after day my flesh slowly fades
leaving me free in the end so I can finaly soar away

 

[whenharlequinsfall]

i REALLY fucking HATE this forum sometimes.

 

[Mr Samsara]

i REALLY fucking HATE this forum sometimes.

pointless SHIT COMMENT

 

[N-MAYH]

mai opth inspurd poemz:
Stay with me awhile
Rise above the vile
Name my final rest
Poured into my chest

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
Halo of death, all I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

Pledge yourself to me
Never leave me be
Sweat breaks on my brow
Given time ends now

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
Halo of death, all I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

Spirit painted sin
Embers neath my skin
Veiled in pale embrace
Reached and touched my face

Into the orchard I walk peering way past the gate
Wilted scenes for us who couldn't wait
Drained by the coldest caress, stalking shadows ahead
(Release your grip, let me go, into the night)
Halo of death, All I see is departure
Mourner's lament but it's me who's the martyr

 

[zabu of nΩd]

fail

 

[Don Corleone]

some lovely imagery there koi!

 

[Katatonic89]

pointless SHIT COMMENT

GZ YOU MADE A EVEN MORE PONTLESS SHIT COMMENT!!!

And about the poem it sucks, Ctrl + C from darklyrics ftw rajt?

 

[whenharlequinsfall]

He guyz here is my dark, moving poem inspired by opeth but i tried not too rip them off too much!

In the corner beside my window
There hangs a lonely photograph
There is no reason
I'd never notice
A memory that could hold me back

There is a wound that's always bleeding
There is a road I'm always walking
And I know you'll never return to this place

Gone through days without talking
There is a comfort in silence
So used to losing all ambition
Struggling to maintain what's left

Once undone, there is only smoke
Burning in my eyes to blind
To cover up what really happened
Force the darkness unto me

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK!?!

 

[Shapeless)))]

He guyz here is my dark, moving poem inspired by opeth but i tried not too rip them off too much!

In the corner beside my window
There hangs a lonely photograph
There is no reason
I'd never notice
A memory that could hold me back

There is a wound that's always bleeding
There is a road I'm always walking
And I know you'll never return to this place

Gone through days without talking
There is a comfort in silence
So used to losing all ambition
Struggling to maintain what's left

Once undone, there is only smoke
Burning in my eyes to blind
To cover up what really happened
Force the darkness unto me

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK!?!

Again?

 

[Koi]

Billy: Thank you. No ripoffs, straigt from within ^_^ Stealing gives you nothing.

N-MAYH: Yeah i need to work on that

Don Corleone: Thanks!

 

[AutumnElegy]

Not very good, you also used like 8 opeth song titles in the poem itself haha, keep trying though.

 

[AutumnElegy]

I made one awhile back that sort of relates to Opeth...I was pretty bored

The sinner slowly submerges in divine sea.
The malicious and vile intentions will succumb.
The diabolical ways will be undone.
The spirit will be free and released.

The zephyr oscillates the amaranths with comfort.
They gaze and ponder upon forceful eustacy,
and watch this culminate his blasphemy.
This inquisition being will soon divert.

He gasps on liquid cellophane penetrating within,
and encounters the almighty and sovereign Cthulhu!
“The peccancy you obtained will now subdue.”
“Now rise and manifest this desiderate omen!”

He rises like a phoenix, elegant and beautiful.
The immorality is perished forever and always.
The holy one has ended emotions of dismay,
and delivers a robust yell, “Redeem, I am immortal!”

Criticize me so I can lol.

haha same thing, why are you using direct lines from black rose?

keep trying though.

 

[the opeth affinity]

I understand people getting annoyed about the lack of constructive criticism but come on, it was fucking shit. Thats like trying to constructivly criticise a shit for not smelling as bad as the previous one

 

[griev0r]

This forum is getting depressing, seems like Opeth fans are are a bunch of fucking assholes...

 

[the opeth affinity]

Oh for fuck sake its all a bit of fun, stop being such a tit 'This forum is getting depressing', wouldnt like to be around you in any really depressing situations

 

[Necropeth]

k well good job on the poem imo but i was just wondering did u get the idea of bodies beneath the frozen lake from a book called dantes inferno?

for ppl who dont know it its all in poetry and its about a dude travelling thru Hell and watching all the sinners inside of it suffer n stuff....pretty metal too....

 

[Necropeth]

just keep on writin man

 

[Shemsu'Hor]

Why the fuck did you post after yourself 4 hours later in an old thread? Once again, testicles>earholes.