Post-a-Joke Thread

Race-based jokes are totally different than using racial slurs; let's try to not let it get too much further than Notuerns comment.

*edit* I see this may be hopeless...





What's the worst part about being a black Jew?





Having to sit in the back of the oven.
 
What's red and small and keeps getting smaller?

A baby combing his hair with a potato peeler.




When Chuck Norris has sex, he's always on top, why is this?

Because Chuck never fucks up.
 
What is the Jew doing poking around in the ashtray?






Studying his family history! :lol:



I may be going to hell, but fuck it, it's warm and I'll know people there.
 
This one's pretty old but here goes.

A koala is sitting up in a gumtree smoking a joint,
when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"
The koala says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?!!"
 
Whose the best Jewish cook in the World?

Hitler.



A black man and a Jew are standing at a bus stop. The black man turns to the Jew and says "What time is the bus DUE?"

The Jew replies "Fuck off my pals!".

* I think that joke only works for English people since we pronounce DUE exactly the same as JEW, and not "doo" like Americans do.



What's the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out without Robbin'.
 
A white guy, a cuban and a mexican have to go on a boat ride but the boat can only hold so much, so each person has to get rid of 1 item. The white guy isnt understanding the process completely.

The cuban takes his cigars and throws them off. The white guy goes "what'd you get rid of those for"
the cuban says "we have them everywhere in our country"

The mexican throws off a few pairs of sandals. Again the white guy asks "Why did you throw them off"
Mexi says "We have a bunch of them back home"

So the white guy goes "Ok I think I finally got this figured out", He takes the mexican and pushes him off the boat.
The cuban looks at him and goes "wtf did you do that for"


The white guy responds " We have WAYYYYY too many of them in our country"
 
33lfnld.jpg
 
[off topic:] Wow, I guess jew jokes are more popular in countries other than Germany :erk: [/off topic]
__

What is red, white and cries?





A peeled baby in a barrel of salt :saint:

__

What's the difference between a baby and an orange?



You don't fuck the orange before you eat it.
 
turk, polish guy and a rumanian guy in the same car...who's driving?

---police officer


------------
indian migration mystery:


For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their
foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian High Commission in Canberra has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a:-




A - Taxi licence in Adelaide

B - Convenience store in Melbourne

C- Service station in Perth,

D- Kebab shop in Brisbane

E- Take away cafe in Sydney

If there is nothing there, he must stay in India and take a job answering telephones giving technical advice to Telstra and Optus customers in Australia.

-------------


I've got a couple of REALLY racist ones, I'll spare you those for now ;)
 
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind baby get for Christmas?






Cancer.



What's more fun than spinning a baby on a clothesline at 100 mph?







Stopping it with a shovel.
 
Stole this from another forum cause i find it so funny.

Gary is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his
mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.




A young, student nurse Andrea appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"




Embarrassed, Andrea replies, "I don't know, Sir I'm only here to wash
your upper body and feet.



He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles

she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one and and his testicles in the
other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There 's nothing wrong with them Sir!!"

Gary pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely... "Are - my - test - results - back!"
 
A little boy and a drunk clown are holding hands and walking through a scary forest at night

The little boy looks up at the clown and say "This forest really scares me"

To which the clown looks down at the little boy and says "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here by myself"
 
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