Post-a-Joke Thread

girl asking the boyfriend:
what actually does "pedophile" mean?

"well that's quite a complicated word for a eight year old, hm?"
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northern africal tribal leader who returned from a europe invitation is asked how the journey was.
"unbelievable, 22 men on a square field are kicking after a ball and half an hour later it's raining!"
 
A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls
out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our
glasses so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass
into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says,
"In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out
of the same glass twice either."

The American cowboy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the Mexican and
the Iraqi, and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have so many
illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
 
how does a belgian boy know that his sister has her menstruation!?





...when his fathers cock tastes like blood! :devil:
 
How do you break a blonde's nose without even laying a finger on her?





.. you whip out your dick under a glass table!




How do you shatter the teeth on a homeless person without even touching him/her?





.. you draw a hamburger on the curb!
 
A Dog’s Diary
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:40 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:30 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


A Cat’s Diary
Day 972 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Evil People!!

Day 973 of my captivity.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 974 of my captivity.
Two workmen came to the house today. As they rested after strengthening the interior of my confines, I sat on one, gently hooking my claws into their clothing. My plan was to cling on until they left, thus escape with them under the cover of their departure. The other workman went outside first and came back smelling strangely after something called a “cigarette”. Curses! I’d picked the wrong one! I heard they are coming back again in another week. I will repeat my escape attempt then.

Day 975 of my captivity.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now……
 
What's got eight legs and scares the shit outta women?

Gang rape


What's black and blue and hates sex?

The eight year old in my basement


What's the difference between a bicycle and a black man?

A bicycle doesn't sing when you chain it up


Why don't blondes use vibrators?

They always chip their teeth



What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron
 
Q: What's it mean when there's a hyperventilating woman in bed with you, screaming your name?


















A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough!
 
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