Post-a-Joke Thread

So I was eating out my wife's asshole when she asks, "Why are you eating my asshole?".



I replied, "Cuz your pussy tastes like shit!"







What's the best thing about having sex with 28 year old girls?


There's twenty of them.
 
One day it was decided to build a bridge from Europe to America. The U.N. set up three representatives to design and build it. One American, one German and one Chinese. After a month the U.N. leader came to check out the progress. He say the American and German sitting on the ground and asks what they're doing. They tell him the design is finished, but they're waiting for the Chinaman with the supplies. The U.N. leader walks around looking for the Chinaman. When he turns the corner he is startled when the Chinaman jumps out from behind a rock yelling, "Supplies! Supplies!"

How do you know Noah was a White man?
No my pals could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
 
Doctor: I'm afraid you have been diagnosed with Wilkinson's disease
Patient: Doc, but... What the hell is that?
Doctor: We have no idea, Mr. Wilkinson

----

How do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he's not coming anyways

And where do you find a dog with no legs?where you left him
 
The dick cheese one on the first page killed me. Here's mine:

A guy very in love with his girlfriend decided to get a tattoo of her name on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done when he was erect, so when he wasn't erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after, the couple got married and were honeymooning in Jamaica. While in a bathroom, the guy noticed a Jamaican man with W Y tattooed on his penis. The guy said to the Jamaican man "Is your girlfriend named Wendy too?" The Jamaican man replied "No sir. It says Welcome to Jamaica, Have a nice day."
 
A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.


A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says:
- I can not proceed in this way.
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
- We can not proceed in this way.
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
- We can not proceed in this way.
And they dig up the woman.


- Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
- Shut up, and give me more bullets.
 
Skinny Viking said:
A little boy and a drunk clown are holding hands and walking through a scary forest at night

The little boy looks up at the clown and say "This forest really scares me"

To which the clown looks down at the little boy and says "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here by myself"
Click to expand...

carlito, that's one of the 3 jokes I always tell when Im drunk :lol:
 
Not offensive at all but it always makes me laugh for some reason:

Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer.""No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food.""I promise I won't," says the turtle. "Just hurry!"Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not fucking going!"
 
Late one Friday night, a man reeking of alcohol boards a bus. His tie is undone, there is obvious lipstick smears on his collar, his fly is open and there is a half empty bottle of gin hanging from his coat pocket.
Though the bus is mostly empty, he falls into a seat right next to a priest.
He lets out a loud belch, unfolds his newspaper and begins to read.

After a few minutes, he turns to the priest and says "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest snaps back "Being a drunkard, being immoral with loose women, and annoying people!"
The man says "Hmmm... that's very interesting" and goes back to his paper.

After awhile, the priest, feeling guilty over being short with the man, turns and says "Please forgive me for displaying a short temper with you. How long have you had arthritis?"

The man replies "Oh no, not me! I was just reading here that the Pope has it!"
 
One day Mommy and Suzi are walking through the neighborhood to get to the zoo. Suzi looks on the side of a house and sees two teens screwing like a couple of monkeys in a mango tree. Suzi asks mommy, "Mommy! Mommy! what are they doing?" Mommy, startled, stammers out the first thing she can think of. "Um, Suzi, they're just uh.. Just making cake! That's all." After scolding herself for not thinking up a better excuse, Mommy and Suzi make there way to the zoo. At the primate exhibit, there are two chimps, in a mango tree screwing for all to see. Suzi pipes up again, "Mommy! Mommy! what are they doing?" and mommy can't think up a better excuse so she replies, "They're just um, making cake, darling. That's all." and Suzi forgets all about it. Later that night, Mommy and Daddy can't resist it. They get it on right there on the sofa, like a couple of monkeys in a mango tree. Next morning Suzi runs into the kitchen where Mommy's making breakfast. "Mommy! Mommy! I saw you and Daddy making cake on the sofa last night!" Mommy freaks out and stammers, "How-how-how did you know!?" and Suzi said, "Cause I licked off all the icing!"
 
Little Suzy jokes are classic. :lol:


Little Suzy came home from school one day looking quite confused. She asked her mother "Mom, the girls at school say that babies come out of where boys put their penises. Is that true?"

The mother, dumbfounded by the bluntness of the question and not really wanting to get into the intricacies of childbirth with her daughter at that very moment, thought for a moment before responding "Yes, Suzy, that's the most basic way to explain it - babies come out of where boys put their penises."

Little Suzy gasps and covers her mouth, obviously worried. "But mom, won't the baby hurt its head on my teeth??"
 
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