Post your Bash.org quotes here

Spruce Goose

Spruce Goose

Then Goose me up woman!
Apr 17, 2001
4,210
4
38
42
Sydney
scholar.uws.edu.au~13326874
Anyone been onto the Bash website?
It's just random quotes that people send in from conversations on IRC or ICQ or whatever. Most of the quotes are stupid, but 1 in 10 are pretty fuckin funny... Well, I find them hilarious cause alot of it is the kinda shit that Terry would post about here :lol:

http://www.bash.org/?random1

Then click on the >0 button to generate more random ones.

Here are some that I just read which I found amusing:


#181120 +(163)- [X]
<Gareth>: i was tryin to make a :S face in real life while at the doctors, and all these handicaps walked in while i was doing it
<Gareth>: and they sat down next to me, and started stroking my head and stuff, saying, "friend, friend"
<Gareth>: Thats When i Realised.........
<Bill>: .......yes.......what did u realise
<Gareth>: I Fucken realised there were a bunch of retards stroking my head!!!

#117577 +(493)- [X]
<Eyal> i've been having a dilemma
<Eyal> what are better to play with
<Eyal> boobs or balls?
<Fidel-> boobs
<hex-> boobs
<Eyal> i mean, when they're yours
<Fidel-> balls
<hex-> balls

#5317 + (444)- [X]
<Cutter> you know whats a trip ? when one of your friends in high school has to do a speech to the class and does it on acid, gets confused and pisses his pants - that owned

#40559 + (508)- [X]
<Kevyn> Man, I'd fuck Mary-Kate so hard that Ashley would get pregnant.

#34972 + (511)- [X]
<tak>: wanna play a game?
<krplunkr: like what
<tak> Pearl Harbor
<krplunkr> sounsd fun
<krplunkr> how do i play?
<tak> I lay there, and you blow the hell out of me
<krplunkr> wait
<krplunkr> im confused

#145128 + (1153)- [X]
<dArEn> I used to be bad at math, but I did a 360 on that

#265526 +(908)- [X]
<Asha`monkey> One time I was watching porn for like twenty minutes. When I was finished, I took off my headphones and found the sound blaring out of my regular speakers as well.
<Asha`monkey> My mom told me to turn it down.

333423 +(1057)- [X]
<zilla1126> When I woke up this morning I had semen in my underwear.
<nadervader22> ....
<zilla1126> I'm concerned because it did not taste like mine.

#16398 +(174)- [X]
<bix> it was like the flintstones
<mltj> but without the cars.
<mltj> or dinosaurs.
<mltj> or flintstones.
<bix> exactly.

#48113 +(234)- [X]
<j4yj0hn> oh my god
<j4yj0hn> the funniest shit happened last night
<j4yj0hn> we were at a guys house and i had to piss, so i go into his parents bathroom
<j4yj0hn> there was no soap so i look in the medicine cabinet
<j4yj0hn> what do i see?
<j4yj0hn> a big fucking bottle of viagra
<j4yj0hn> so we get like 8 of them and feed them to this guys 9 year old brother
<j4yj0hn> and he has had a bone for about 14 hours now
<j4yj0hn> its fucking hilarious cause he had a physical for indoor soccer at noon
<j4yj0hn> o laughed for about 4 hours strait
<MrH2o> HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<j4yj0hn> its great, we have about 6000 pics
<MrH2o> damn that is dangrous
<j4yj0hn> but a kid with a massive cock is hilarious

#87981 +(185)- [X]
<jeff> A man goes into a pharmacy. He says to the druggist: "I need
<jeff> some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
<jeff> "Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.
<jeff> "Nah, she just lays there like her mother."

#4695 + (524)- [X]
<zathras> This game of rhymes is eating at my brain, I beg of thee, sir, for the love of god, refrain!
<Deliphos> I cannot! In my blood it doth runneth! Hush thee now, lest I cap with my gunneth!


#52651 + (345)- [X]
(@`H4X0R`) Rape is such a negative term, I think we should call it "suprise sex"

123881 +(-43)- [X] <v_9>FUCK
<v_9>SHIT
<v_9>DAMNBITCHTOHELL
<v_9>i was just surfing throuh porn, then i was just stopped wanking it
<v_9>you know, going to a different url
<v_9>then all of a sudden,
<v_9>A FUCKING FLY LANDED ON MY MUSHROOM CAP
<v_9>THE SHIT HURT LIKE A MUHER FUCKER
<v_9>i mangaed to get a book real fast
<v_9>then made another mistake.
<v_9>i slammed the book right onto my shlong
<v_9>and part of the fly was dripping down to my balls.
<v_9>:/
 
#116902 +(449)- [X]

buservt: I was trying to find a tape downstairs, and I have diarhea, and I had to shit really bad, and I saw a copy of austin powers, and there was a picture of fat bastard on it when he is trying to eat mini me, and I thought (in fat bastards voice) "stay in my butthole" and I laughed so hard I shit all over myself
buservt: another pair of shorts ruined


#500125 +(1933)- [X]

<Animix> WHO THE HELL HAS 18 CHILDREN
<Animix> 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, IT'S A VAGINA, NOT A CLOWN CAR'


#2906 +(95)- [X]

<EFX> take a banana .. cut off the top .. squeeze the banana out gently keeping the peel intact.. get a empty toilet paper roll .. put the peel inside of it .. warm it up in the microwave .. and then stick your cock in it


#10226 +(332)- [X]

<True_Blue> You ever buy ribbed condoms?
<True_Blue> I always turn them inside out, I'm selfish
 
#561914 +(702)- [X]

<DJnerate> I saw the epitome of laziness today
<DJnerate> there was this family at the mall, they were pretty overweight
<DJnerate> they were headed for the escalator but maintenance had shut it down for the day
<DJnerate> and the mother exclaims, "Oh no, how are we gonna get down?"
<DJnerate> i was laughing my ass off watching them trying to figure it out


hahaha
 
#577458 +(1999)- [X]

<Knives> hey jiv
<Knives> do you know the 4 types of female orgasms?
* Jiv admits he does not
<Knives> Well, the first, is the Religious orgasm
<Knives> or the, Spiritual orgasm
<Knives> it goes something like this
<Knives> "Oh GOD! oh GOD! OH OH OH GOD!"
<Knives> the 2nd, is the positive orgasm---" OH YES! OH YES! OH YES!"
<Knives> to which comes the third, the negative orgasm... "OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!"
<Knives> and then finally
<Knives> the fake orgasm
<Knives> "OH JIV! OH JIV! OH OH JIV!"
<Hawk> lol
<Jiv> ....bitch


haha thats fucking gold.
 
#32509 +(572)- [X]

<Chelly> What is your biggest fear?
<JasonRene> living long enough to become isolated from anyone who cares about me, and then dying alone.
<Chelly> :(
<JasonRene> You asked ;)
<Chelly> I know
<Chelly> I was expecting something like spiders.

#174498 +(31)- [X]

<cryme> that would own
<cryme> to jack off of the empire state
<cryme> and see who gets killed by your cumshot
 
#241250 +(400)- [X]

<digitz> I really hate it when girls think it's sexy to stand up and pull there cunt flaps apart and make it look like they have the predator between there legs



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 
This one is long but pretty damn funny

#111338 +(9860)- [X]

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
 
#25464 +(7480)- [X]

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID
 
Icarus said:
#561914 +(702)- [X]

<DJnerate> I saw the epitome of laziness today
<DJnerate> there was this family at the mall, they were pretty overweight
<DJnerate> they were headed for the escalator but maintenance had shut it down for the day
<DJnerate> and the mother exclaims, "Oh no, how are we gonna get down?"
<DJnerate> i was laughing my ass off watching them trying to figure it out


hahaha
Click to expand...

:lol:
:worship:

Fucking gold! If they didn't have lifts at railway stations, some people would never get off the platforms. And most of them aren't even fat.
 
#7848 +(822)- [X]

Damocles`: o/` we all live in a yellow double hulled boyancy controlled ship of war! o/`
Zibblsnrt smacks Damo for that ;)
Zibblsnrt: Damo: I and my comrades posess as our place of residence the interior of a mid-visible spectrum double-hulled buoyancy-controlled boat ofwar
Zibblsnrt: I can outobfuscate your sorry ass anyday >%)
Zibblsnrt dares someone to bloat that through another level. %)
Damocles`: o/` i and my comrades posess as our place of residence the interior of a mid-visible spectrum double hulled boyancy controlled ship of war!
E_of_C: The carbon-metabolizing physical presence that currently houses my conscious and those physical manefestations of my comrades all possess as our common residential abode the interior of a mid-visible spectrum double hulled buoyancy controlled ship of war!
 
#31320 +(45)- [X]

<Devon_Lake> Ya, but if you slap a kid around for being a brat, your'e evil. Slice of part of his wang and they'll cannonise you.
 
#2460 +(319)- [X]

<Ortem> You see...My penis is very much like a sherbert dib dab
<Graeme> short, thin, soft and often in children's mouths.

#39594 +(394)- [X]

<AL9000> Hey, somebody try this, sit on your hands for a really long time until you have no feeling in them at all, then jack off, it's supposed to feel like you're getting a handjob from somebody else
<Tip> I prefer sitting on my penis for like 5 minutes and then jacking off, it feels like I'm giving someone else a handjob

#136477 +(334)- [X]

<robbie212> where are you getting this stuff?
<bahumbug> robbie212: www.freedvdrsforpeoplethatarentjewish.com
<robbie212> it doesn't work
<bahumbug> you must be jewish

#221314 +(112)- [X]

<res0> LapCat says elizabeth hurley has DSLs
<mattt> broadband?
<res0> dick sucking lips
<res0> she does have some nice lips, but reducing such an astoundingly attractive woman to a sexual object that any street slut could embody is something i'd never do.
<jotun> yeah, that's my job!
<res0> sucking dick?
<jotun> :<

HAHAHAH - I love them
 
<Krasny> I have a bet with a friend he claims Sydney is not the capitol of Australia LOL
<PsychoFreak> Uhhh
<BasTyra> HAHAHAHAHA
<PsychoFreak> Sydney isn't the capital of Australia
<PsychoFreak> you're fucked
<BasTyra> HAHAHAHAHA
 
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