thought it would be fun to start one of these--here's one to get things going--"if I wanted your opinion, I'd take my dick out of your mouth"
post your favorite joke or saying
- Thread starter Beneath the beast
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The Shinster
Penior Member
- Feb 9, 2007
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StephenSLR
Member
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain
Katie'Force
Kables
*Mika*
'Bridget'
*Mika*
'Bridget'
Katie'Force
Kables
StephenSLR
Member
How do you piss off a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.
s
Fullangr
Loitering Dwarf
An old Irish drinking toast, which I've always had a soft spot for:
He who drinks gets drunk
He who gets drunk goes to sleep
He who goes to sleep commits no sin
He who commits no sin goes to Heaven
So let's all drink and go to Heaven!
And another old one from my gay scene days:
Here's to the people we love
Here's to the people who love us
Here's the people we love who don't love us
Fuck the lot of 'em and here's to us!
And finally, the one that always reminds me of Thraxas:
Up above
Down below
We're gonna be sick (a variant for harder booze is "We're gonna die")
But here we go!
He who drinks gets drunk
He who gets drunk goes to sleep
He who goes to sleep commits no sin
He who commits no sin goes to Heaven
So let's all drink and go to Heaven!
And another old one from my gay scene days:
Here's to the people we love
Here's to the people who love us
Here's the people we love who don't love us
Fuck the lot of 'em and here's to us!
And finally, the one that always reminds me of Thraxas:
Up above
Down below
We're gonna be sick (a variant for harder booze is "We're gonna die")
But here we go!
just got this one from my american uncle...
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.' The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies,
'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.' The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies,
'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.
Katie'Force
Kables
"Add a drop of lavendar to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it"
classic black books
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"
classic black books
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"
Katie'Force
Kables
that's because you've never seen black books, and therefore, you fail. Go out, right now and buy all three series
Jehovah's Witness #1: Hello. We were wondering if we could talk to you about Jesus.
Bernard: ... Great! Come in! [waves them in]
Jehovah's Witness #1: [Stunned] What?
Bernard: I'd love to hear about Jesus. What's he up to now?
Jehovah's Witness #2: It's a trap!!
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