Grabbed Escatology by Pile of Excrements and Hill of Crosses by Chainsaw from a guy in both bands, he sent me some long ass story written on toilet paper. This is my best effort at translating it:
Once there was a guy who loved chocolate.
He ate it for breakfast, he had a Snickers bar at 10 AM, he ate some before dinner, before supper, after supper, even in bed before he slept.
His whole life was a fucking chocolate run.
One day two of his friends decided to do a very very nasty prank.
They took a good dump in a bucket, threw some almonds in and stirred. Then they froze the mix, and it was all concrete and solid. They molded it into a big bar. They even made a brand new type of wrapping and sealed the whole thing.
When all three met, they gave him the "chocolate" saying it's an import and never been in the supermarket or anywhere. Ecstatic, our friend he ripped the cover and thrilled he said "almonds, my favourite!" then started chewing on the turd bar.
His friends tried not to laugh or react as he was downing the shit candy. He devoured the whole thing without blinking an eye. After he finished he started making funny faces. So they asked him; "Hey man, how was it?"
He looked up at them and replied; "Well, it tasted like shit. But I'd love to try another one, it's a completely new taste."
So they left and planned to feed him shit again very soon. That night, he was hurried into hospital. The cause was food poisoning!
When the results of the exams came up, the doctors told him that he should never eat chocolate again or he would die. So it turned out that if he hadn't been in the hospital he wouldn't have known how fucked up his health is, due to extreme chocolate consumption.
He's alive now, we told him the truth some months later. He said he owes us his life.
Cheers.
