Puns, One Liners, and Groaners

[roy22341]

A spin-off from the drugs discussion. Post your favorite bad puns/jokes.


I had a friend who was a real monorail enthusiast, you could say he had a one track mind.

A buddy of mine stole a calendar and got caught and sent to jail. The worst part about it is that no matter how much he loves that calendar, its days are numbered.

 

[Metaltastic]

Dude, those are so horrible, but so awesome

 

[spioraid]

A husband and wife wake up after their first night together, and the man says to his wife, "Am I the first person you've ever slept with?" She responds by saying, "Why does everyone always ask me that?!"

What do you call a Norwegian car? A fjord.

What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.

Bert asked Ernie if he'd like some ice cream and said, "Sure, Bert!" (Say it out loud...)

Say "Lettuce" then spell "Cup".

What goes, "clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG clip clop clip clop?" An Amish drive-by shooting.

Jews don't recognize Jesus, the Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

 

[Eddy]

The Finns have numerous summer festivals where they compete in various weird events. For example they compete in throwing mobile phones, rubber boots and hand cranks (starting handles) among others. I heard that next summer there will even be a festival where they compete in throwing tantrums.

 

[BeneGuitar01]

How about this.....

I was driving down the highway with a truck full of donkeys, I wasn't speeding...but I "was" hauling ass.

 

[roy22341]

Last year I moved out to California to be a gold prospector - didn't pan out so well.

Did you hear about the scarecrow that one all the awards? They say he was outstanding in his field.